This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any actual resemblance to persons or historical persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
The Dukes of Hazzard characters, settings, locales, ect. are owned by other entities who have not endorsed this fic nor have they given express permission for the character's use. Author makes not claims to these characters and is not making any profit from their use.
All original characters are the property of the author.
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© Copyright: 1996-2004. Lisa Philbrick
The Dukes of Hazzard
Holy smokes! Rosco learns to DRIVE!!
*****
The mornin' starts early at the Duke farm. The boys and Uncle
Jesse are up early to get started on the days chores and Daisy leaves
early to give MaryAnne a ride to the Boar's Nest. To pay Cooter for
the repairs on her car, MaryAnne didn't have much money when she first
got to Hazzard so she had to get a job. But with the wages Boss pays
it may take her a little longer than she thought to pay Cooter.
With the porch door slamming behind her, Daisy dashed to her Jeep calling
to the boys and Uncle Jesse that she was leaving.
"Leavin' a little early today aren't ya?" Luke said.
"MaryAnne's car is ready and she wants to get it this morning."
"You know with the way Cooter talks, that's apparently some machine
she's got," Luke said.
"You guys may have some new competition," Daisy said with a giggle.
She climbed into her Jeep and waved as she drove off.
The boys looked at each other for a moment. "Nah," they both said breaking
into chuckles.
* * *
"Cooter, how can I ever thank you enough?" MaryAnne said looking at
her blue Firebird that sat in front of the garage.
"Miss MaryAnne, it was enough just to work on such a beautiful car."
MaryAnne smiled. "You're not the first mechanic to tell me that. And
don't worry I'm still gonna pay you. That is, as soon as Boss pays
me."
"That could be a while," Cooter said.
"We better get going, MaryAnne," Daisy said, "if we're late Boss may
not pay us anything."
"You ladies take care of yourselves now," Cooter said as Daisy and
MaryAnne got into their respective vehicles.
"Thanks again, Cooter," MaryAnne called as she and Daisy drove off.
At the Boar's Nest, Boss and Rosco were deep in discussion about
how Boss--uh, they--were gonna to make twenty-thousand dollars easily.
"Rosco, this is gonna be the easiest $20,000 we've ever made," Boss
said.
Rosco let out a exclamation then stopped. "Wait a minute," he said.
"How are we gonna to do that?"
"By winning the First Annual Tri-County Sheriffs Race."
"But wait a minute, Boss, I thought the prize money was $10,000?"
"It is. I made a bet with H.A. Floyd over in Rivington County for another
$10,000 that the Sheriff of Hazzard County will win the race!"
Rosco let go another trademark exclamation. "You can count on me, Boss,
I'll win it. I will."
"No, you won't."
"I won't?"
"No. Rosco, with your driving you couldn't win that race if you were
the only contestant. If this is gonna to work I need a driver that
can actually drive not a crash test dummy like you."
"But, Boss, all the drivers in this race are county sheriffs. You can't
just put anybody in there."
"I can if I make them Sheriff."
Rosco looked at Boss. "You don't mean you're gonna...?" he finished
with whine.
"Oh, Rosco, it's only gonna be temporary. After the race you'll be
back to being Sheriff."
"Oh. Whew. For a moment there you sure gave me a quiver in my liver.
But where are you going to find a driver who can temporarily be Sheriff?
Are you going to promote Enos? He is a good driver."
"I was thinking of Enos," Boss said, "but only if I can't find someone
better."
Suddenly they could hear a car racing around outside and cheering.
"What in tarnation is that?" Boss said. He and Rosco left the office
and went out to see what the commotion was.
What they saw was MaryAnne's blue Firebird, which folks had learned
she called Maverick, doing some slick moves in front of the Boar's
Nest. They stood and watched her as she drove around the gas pumps
with folks cheering her on. She negotiated the turns with expertise
and at one point she demonstrated a well executed J-turn.
"Rosco, did you know she could drive like that?" Boss asked.
"Oh yeah," Rosco smiled.
"That's it, Rosco. There's our driver!" Boss exclaimed joyfully, the
dollar signs a light in his eyes.
"Uh, Boss--" Before Rosco could protest further, Boss had already scurried
back to the office. Rosco went as well.
MaryAnne brought her Firebird to a parking spot and cut the engine.
"Woh! MaryAnne where'd you learn to do that?" Daisy asked.
"Daisy, I'm a moonshiner's daughter, whadya mean where'd I learn to
do that?" MaryAnne said as she got out of her car.
Daisy laughed as someone else said, "Well, we knew you sure didn't
get that from Rosco."
Everyone laughed and headed into the Boar’s Nest.
In Boss's office Rosco was giving slight protest to Boss's idea.
"Wait a minute, Boss, MaryAnne? I don't know if she'd wanna help you.
She don't particularly like you."
Boss shot Rosco a look through narrow eyes. "Well, she'd want to help
her own cousin wouldn't she? Besides, you've been buggin’ me about
makin’ her a deputy, now's her chance."
"Oo, you mean that? A permanent deputy?"
"Uh," Boss fudged a moment. "Yeah, a permanent deputy."
"Oo, MaryAnne ain't gonna believe this. I finally get to have her as
one of my deputies!" he giggled.
Boss and Rosco waited until break time before making the announcement.
MaryAnne, of course, had no idea what was about to happen.
The Boar's Nest was packed at break time and MaryAnne was balancing
several mugs of beer on a tray, walking towards a table as Boss and
Rosco came out of the office and went to the bar.
"Aw right everybody," Rosco called. "Now settle down, the Boss and
I have an announcement."
At their table the Bo, Luke and Uncle Jesse exchanged glances.
As silence came over the room and MaryAnne balanced four empty beer
mugs on the tray on her hip, Boss spoke.
"As Police Commissioner, I am proud to announce that Hazzard County
will be hiring a second sheriff’s deputy to accommodate our changing
and growing community."
"What change and growth is he talking about?" Luke whispered to Bo
and Uncle Jesse.
"Now this is a surprise announcement," Boss continued, "and our new
deputy is right here in the room but unaware of their promotion. But
I know all of you will approve. As will she. " Boss paused for effect
while everyone exchanged hushed
comments.
When Boss paused longer than needed Bo asked, "Well, who is it?"
"Miss MaryAnne Coltrane," Boss said.
Everyone looked at MaryAnne who dropped her tray and the four empty
beer mugs crashed to the floor.
"Me?!" she exclaimed. Stepping over the glass on the floor she approached
Boss and Rosco. "Are you serious? You can't be serious."
"I'm very serious," Boss said and pulled a deputy's badge out of his
pocket and handed it MaryAnne.
She took it and looked at it. "Rosco, did you know about this?"
"Yeah," he said with a smile.
"Rosco told me you were a Sheriff's deputy over in Finchburg County
and that you had served with the Atlanta City Police. I realized demoting
an experienced law enforcement officer such as yourself to just being
a bar maid wasn't fair."
MaryAnne looked at the badge again. "No catch?"
"No catch," Boss said. "I want you to be a full-fledged, permanent
Hazzard County Sheriff’s Deputy."
MaryAnne looked from Boss to everyone at the Boar's Nest. "Well," she
said, "whadaya think?"
The Boar's Nest erupted in approving applause and MaryAnne looked back
at Boss.
"Well, all right," she said and shook Boss's hand.
Bo and Luke noticed that Uncle Jesse seemed to be having trouble accepting
what had happened.
"What's the matter, Uncle Jesse?" Bo asked. "Aren't you glad we'll
have another actually honest deputy?"
"I'm not sure," Jesse said. "Somethin' don't seem right."
"You think MaryAnne's bein' took?" Luke said.
"I think we better keep an eye out for her. I don't think Rosco would
let J.D. use MaryAnne in some kind of scam but it's possible Rosco
isn't aware of one."
Nothing gets by ol' Jesse.
And this feller found MaryAnne's promotion interesting too.
After Boss and Rosco left with MaryAnne to officially swear her in
in town, a brown haired man in tan trousers and a tweed sport coat
walked out of the Boar's Nest to his car and picked up the CB mike.
"Pearson calling Mr. Floyd."
Over in Rivington County, H.A. Floyd picked up his CB mike. "Yes, Pearson?"
"Sir, Hogg just promoted a bar maid to deputy sheriff. Some chick named
MaryAnne Coltrane."
There was a long pause on the CB.
"Sir? Did you copy that?"
"Yes, Pearson, I did. I want you to return to my office immediately."
"Yes, sir."
Pearson tossed the CB mike into the car, got in, and tore out of the
parking lot of the Boar's Nest.
A few moments later, all of the Dukes came out of the Boar's Nest.
"You know, it does seem a little strange that Boss would hire another
deputy, let alone an honest one," Bo said.
"And a Coltrane to boot," Luke said.
"So what could Boss have up his sleeve, other than that chubby little
arm of his?" Bo asked.
"Probably somethin' that'll get us in trouble," Luke said and then
noticed a poster advertising the First Annual Tri-County Sheriffs Race
and the $10,000 prize.
"Hey, did you see this?" he asked pointing at the poster.
"Tri-County Sheriffs race? Ha, Boss has to be kiddin' if he thinks
Rosco could win that," Bo said.
"Not unless he has someone else driving," Luke said.
"Like MaryAnne?" Daisy said. "And she can drive."
"So her job as deputy may not be so permanent after all," Luke said.
"If that’s what this is all about, then as soon as she finishes that
race J.D. will have her right back here as the Boar’s Nest,” Jesse
said.
"Then we've got to make sure she stays a deputy!" Daisy said.
In Rivington County, however, H. A. Floyd had a different feeling about
that.
"We have to make sure she doesn't remain a deputy," Floyd said. “Or
atleast not have her drive in the race.”
"I don't understand," Pearson said.
"Clearly, Hogg is thinking of promoting Miss Coltrane to Sheriff long
enough to drive in that race and win the $10,000 bet I made with him."
Pearson nodded.
"But not only is she the current Hazzard Sheriff's cousin, she's the
one who busted my foothold in Finchburg County and she's lethal behind
the wheel."
"She busted your connection in Finchburg?"
Floyd nodded. "Now's my chance to get her and Hogg." He picked up the
phone.
"Operator get me Hazzard 2-3-5." He looked at Pearson. "But first I'm
going to remind Mr. Hogg of the rules of this race."
At the Hazzard County Courthouse, the phone rang twice in Boss's office
before he picked it up.
"J. D. Hogg."
"Mr. Hogg, this is H.A. Floyd over in Rivington County."
"Oh, hello Mr. Floyd. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I've just heard something that greatly disturbs me."
"Oh? What's that?"
"You've promoted a new deputy, a young lady by the name of MaryAnne
Coltrane?"
"Yes. Yes, I have but why does that trouble you?"
"Well, I hope you're not thinking of trying to cheat in order to win
that $10,000 bet we made. You know, by temporarily promoting your new
deputy to Sheriff long enough to win that race."
"Mr. Floyd, I wouldn't think of doing such a thing. I simply needed
an extra
deputy."
"Well that's reassuring. I'm glad I don't have to remind you of the
rules regarding the race, being that at the time you signed that entry
form, the individual who is sheriff is the one who will drive in the
race unless he is seriously injured, ill or dies and it is
verified by the other participating counties. Of course, you already
knew that."
"Uh, of course. I knew that."
"So I can rest assured that you are not thinking of trying to fix the
race to your advantage?"
"Yes," Boss stammered. "You can rest assured."
"Excellent. Well, Mr. Hogg, I will see you at the race."
"You sure will, Mr. Floyd. Bye."
After hanging up the phone, H. A. Floyd said, "Pearson, I want you
to go back to Hazzard. J.D. Hogg's never earned an honest dollar in
his life and he's sure not going to start now."
* * *
In the booking room, Rosco was showing MaryAnne the uniform catalog
and what her uniform would look like.
"Rosco,” she said, “you gotta be kiddin' to think I'm gonna wear a
skirt and heels. It's bad enough I have to wear heels serving beer,
I'm not wearin' them in hot pursuit. Now, I didn't wear a skirt and
heels in Finchburg County or in Atlanta and I ain't wearin' them here."
"Okay," Rosco said. "You don't have to wear 'em."
"Rosco!" Boss yelled from his office.
The two cousins flinched. Rosco left MaryAnne in the booking room and
scurried to Boss's office.
"What?" Rosco asked closing the door behind him.
"Rosco, do we have a copy of the rules for that race?"
"It's right in your desk, Boss. You never did bother to look at it."
Boss threw open the drawer. "Oh!" he exclaimed pulling the leaflet
out. He flipped it opened and read about the driver and replacements.
"'The individual who is Sheriff at the time of the signing of the entry
form will be the driver for that county and can only be replaced on
account of illness, injury or death which must be verified by all other
participating counties and the state police
association.'" He let the booklet fall on the desk.
"What's the matter, Boss?" Rosco asked.
"H.A. Floyd just called a moment ago and he figured out how I was gonna
have MaryAnne run that race."
"Oo," Rosco said. "You can't have her run that race now can you?"
"No, not unless you really do become ill, injured or die. I can't have
you fake something like that with all these other people having to
verify it."
"So what are we going to do?"
"Not we. You. You're gonna learn to drive."
MaryAnne was standing just outside the door and had heard the whole
thing. She now threw the door open.
Boss and Rosco turned to her. “Uh oh,” Rosco said.
"I should have known there was a catch," she said. "Let me guess, as
soon as I won that race you were gonna send me back to waitin' tables
at the Boar's Nest."
"Now, MaryAnne, that's not how it is," Boss said.
"That's right, ‘cuz I won't be driving in that race now, according
to those rules. Your stuck with Rosco. Of course I don't see what the
big deal is with winning $10,000, considering’ it would only be for
lining your fat pocket."
"Actually it’$20,000," Rosco said. "Boss made another $10,000 bet with
H.A. Floyd over in Rivington County."
“Ah! Rosco!!” Boss exclaimed.
MaryAnne looked at Boss. "Is this true?" she asked.
“Uh, well...” Boss nodded.
"Well, I don't see what the big deal is with losing $10,000."
"I don't have $10,000," Boss admitted.
"What? That's ridiculous, you're the richest man in Hazzard County.
What do you mean you don't have ten grand?"
"I'm a little short on cash right now," Boss said. "Most of it I have
in a land deal over in Chickasaw County."
MaryAnne looked at Rosco who nodded.
"I don't believe that," she said and looked at the safe. "Let me see."
Boss looked at MaryAnne suspiciously.
"If you're really short maybe I can help--" she almost said 'you' but
finished pointing at Rosco and said, "him."
Boss looked at Rosco who nodded.
Boss got up from the desk and went to the safe. He opened it and removed
a single money bag. MaryAnne saw the rest of the safe was empty. Boss
handed her the money bag.
MaryAnne opened it and took out six stacks of money.
"A thousand a piece?" she asked.
Boss nodded.
"So only six-thousand dollars?"
He nodded again.
MaryAnne placed the stacks back in the bag and put it on the desk.
"Well, you really stepped in it this time didn't you? I know H. A.
Floyd isn't going to like to know that you can't pay that ten grand."
"How do you know H. A. Floyd?" Rosco asked.
"I helped bust his moonshine operation in Finchburg County. I know
he has no love lost for me." She looked at Boss. "If you knew you were
short on cash, why'd you make the bet?"
"Well, I thought I could get away with puttin’ you in to drive."
"But I still could have lost. Does Floyd know you're short?"
Boss nodded. "I put up the Boar's Nest as collateral."
"Oh brilliant. You know that's all he needs is to just get his foot
in the door and he'll end up with half of Hazzard County before you
can sneeze."
"I know," Boss whined. "Can you help?"
MaryAnne paused, looking back and forth between Boss and Rosco. Like
two puppies who had just messed on the floor.
"I can help, but on a couple of conditions though."
"Anythin’," Boss said.
"Alright, let me see those rules." Boss handed her the booklet. MaryAnne
flipped through it and found the section regarding what kind of vehicle
can be used.
"Okay, this only says that the car has to be an official county sheriff's
patrol car and can not have nitrous oxide."
"So?" Boss said.
"Well, Commissioner, as a duly sworn officer of the law and a member
of the Hazzard County Sheriff's Department I am proposing that the
county accept the temporary loan of new patrol car, one blue Firebird
that belongs to one MaryAnne
Coltrane who is offering its services to help serve and protect the
citizens of Hazzard County."
Boss responded with an agreeable laugh. "Miss Coltrane, the county
accepts your gracious offer."
"Good. Now, I'll help Rosco improve his driving, more or less because
I want my car back in one piece. If he wins, the prize money and you're
bet,” she slowed her pace for effect, “will be used to reestablish
the Hazzard County Sheriff's pension fund."
"Ooh," Rosco perked up.
Boss fudged for a bit.
"You can kiss the Boar’s Nest good-bye," MaryAnne said.
"Oh, all right," Boss finally said.
"And you don't have to keep me as a full time deputy, but I will accept
a part-time position."
"Agreed."
"And, let's see what else? Oh, if my car should be damaged in this
race you'll pay for the repairs, seeing as I'm already paying for previous
repairs."
"Done." Boss started to get up.
"Wait a minute, one more thing. Knowing your word is about as good
a three dollar bill I want the word of a ridgerunner."
"You weren't a member of the ridgerunner's society."
"No, but Papa was and if I'm correct the ridgerunner's honor code can
be applied to direct family members. My father didn't raise no fool."
MaryAnne spit on her hand and held it out.
Boss paused a moment then did the same. They shook, each growled the
word ‘done’and as MaryAnne pulled her hand away she cringed.
"Yuck, glad I wasn't a ridgerunner."
Too bad, she would have made a good one too.
Well, MaryAnne decided to take Rosco out to see what kind of work she
had cut out for her which, as we all know, is a lot.
"Okay," MaryAnne said, "now I'm going to let you drive Maverick here
but please, be careful, alright?"
"Yeah," Rosco said eagerly.
"Now I'm gonna drive your patrol car. Basically pretend you’re one
of the Duke boys being chased by the Sheriff."
"MaryAnne, I am the Sheriff."
MaryAnne pulled his hat off. "Not for the next few minutes you ain't."
She put the hat on her head instead. "You're one of the Duke boys and
khee, khee, your under arrest!!"
It finally clicked, and Rosco bolted to the Firebird. MaryAnne scurried
to the patrol car and both were off.
When they got out of town MaryAnne put the lights and siren on.
She giggled. "Hot pursuit!"
As they drove MaryAnne kept a mental checklist of the mistakes Rosco
made and where he needed improvement. Several times he would take a
turn to quick or fail to negotiate it all together.
"Gonna have to work on that," she would say whenever he did something
wrong.
At one point they came upon a road crew and a large hole in the road.
"Oh no," she said, "Rosco..." She grabbed the CB mike. "Rosco,
slow down, don't try to jump it!"
"Ah, too late," Rosco replied and MaryAnne watched as the Maverick
hit the dirt pile and became airborne.
You know, this race could be over before it even starts. Hang
on.
The Firebird cleared the pile of dirt and the hole and landed relatively
gracefully on the other side. It bounced a bit and then Rosco brought
the blue car to a halt.
MaryAnne drove around the construction area more or less to avoid landing
on her car if she tried to make the jump. She pulled up beside Rosco.
"For God's sake," she shouted through the window, "keep it on the ground."
"Sorry," Rosco said then broke into a grin. "I did it though!"
"Yeah, I know and it was very good but you don't need to know that
to win this race. Now listen, when we get to the Pine Road junction
let's double back and stop at the Boar's Nest and figure out what you
need improvement on okay?"
Rosco nodded and took off with MaryAnne in hot pursuit.
The Duke boys happened to be on the same road heading to the Boar's
Nest too and were caught by surprise when the Firebird and the patrol
car went zooming past them.
"What the heck do you suppose that was all about?" Bo asked.
"I don't know," Luke replied, "that looked like MaryAnne in the patrol
car but I couldn't see who was in her car."
"You don't think somebody stole it do you?" Bo asked.
"If they did she's going to need some help."
"Ten-four on that. Hang on." Bo pushed the pedal down and after a couple
of moments the General caught up with the patrol car and the Firebird
which were turning into the Boar's Nest.
Bo brought the General to a stop and he and Luke were out of the car
before Rosco could bring the Firebird to a stop.
"Rosco?" Bo queried when he and Luke got close enough to see the driver.
"Yes, it's Rosco," MaryAnne said approaching them. "Who'd you think
it was? Cale Yarborough?"
"Not with Rosco's driving," Luke said. He looked at MaryAnne. "What's
going on?"
"Well," MaryAnne said taking the hat off and leaning against her car,
"you see that poster over there for the First Annual Tri-County Sheriff’s
Race?"
"Yeah?" Bo said.
"I'm helping Rosco improve his driving so he can win."
Bo and Luke had a hard time trying to stifle their snickers.
"I know, I know, rates right up there with when pigs fly. But I've
got a lot riding on this including putting Boss Hogg in his place."
"And gettin’ me back my pension," Rosco added.
"How the heck did you do that?" Bo asked.
So Rosco and MaryAnne explained to the boys about Boss's bet
with H. A. Floyd and MaryAnne's proposal to help not necessarily Boss,
but Rosco.
After a while the conversation was carried inside the Boar's Nest when
Boss called Rosco into his office.
"So," MaryAnne was saying to the Dukes, "knowing H. A. Floyd, if Boss
loses this bet and Floyd gets the Boar's Nest we can kiss the rest
of Hazzard County good-bye."
"So that's why Boss made you a deputy," Luke said, "to drive in the
race."
"Yeah, only Mr. Floyd kindly reminded Boss of the rules regarding replacement
drivers and Boss found himself in a pickle. So I offered Maverick and
my help to improve Rosco’s driving for a couple of things in return."
"What about your job as deputy? Are you still going to do that?" Bo
asked.
"Yeah, part time though. Kind of like a back up if Enos isn't here
or whatever."
Bo smiled. "I guess having two Coltranes in the Sheriff's department
and being married to another would be too much for Boss."
MaryAnne giggled.
Now seeing as blue is not the color of an official Hazzard County
patrol car, MaryAnne brought Maverick back into town and to Cooter's.
"Maverick needs a new uniform," MaryAnne said.
"He does?" Cooter said. "What's wrong with the one he's got?"
"Nothing, except that blue is not the color of an official county Sheriff's
car."
Cooter could only respond with a questioning look.
MaryAnne grinned. "Okay let me explain..."
And so she went through the whole thing again for Cooter.
Cooter let out a laugh. "Miss MaryAnne that is slick. Alright, you
come back in a couple of hours and I'll have Maverick all ready for
ya."
"Thanks Cooter. Oh, and you can charge it to the Hazzard County Sheriff's
Department."
"It'll be my pleasure."
* * *
MaryAnne pulled up to the Duke farm in the spare patrol car. She had
changed into a pair of black jeans and a blue denim shirt. Until she
got a uniform, the ensemble would have to do.
Daisy was collecting laundry off the line. "MaryAnne!" she exclaimed.
"Uncle Jesse, Bo, Luke! MaryAnne's here."
After a moment Uncle Jesse and the boys emerged from the house.
"Hey y'all," MaryAnne said. "And no I ain’t here to arrest you. I want
to ask you a favor I didn't get to ask while we were at the Boar's
Nest."
"Sure, what is it?" Luke asked.
"Well, my improving Rosco's driving ain’t gonna mean diddly unless
I can test him against a faster car than this." She pointed to her
patrol car. "So I was wondering if y'all let me run him against the
General?"
"Wait a minute," Bo chuckled, "you want me and Luke to race against
Rosco?"
"Yeah," MaryAnne said, "but its not a race and if your afraid he'll
embarrass you I'll drive the General."
Bo and Luke had a hard time stifling their laughter.
"Boys," Uncle Jesse scolded.
"Sorry, Uncle Jesse, MaryAnne," Luke said. "Look, we didn't want to
say this at the Boar's Nest, but we don't think you can do it."
MaryAnne could only smile. "You don't think I can improve Rosco's driving."
"Well, we've never actually seen you drive," Bo said.
“That’s true, but Daisy has.”
"Boys," Daisy said, "she can drive. You should've seen her this morning
at the Boar's Nest."
"Hey, if you want to see me drive, there's the General. Hop in, I'll
make like I am trying to arrest you."
"MaryAnne..." Luke started to say.
"No, I'm serious. I have a chance to maybe return Rosco to being an
honest lawman before he meets his maker and you think this is some
kind of joke. Now you either get in that car or you can take your chauvinist
attitude, your lead foots and the
General and stuff it for all I care. I'll find some other stock car
boy to help me."
The boys were a bit taken aback. "Alright," Luke said, "come on, Bo,
let's go." They went to the General.
MaryAnne looked at Uncle Jesse and Daisy. Jesse nodded.
MaryAnne then stepped to her patrol car and got in as the General came
to life. The boys tore out and MaryAnne followed out after.
"You know," Jesse said, "that girl is her father and Rosco wrapped
into one."
"Rosco?" Daisy said. "She seems the exact opposite of Rosco to me."
"She is, only because she's what Rosco used to be like and would still
be now, if he weren't so crooked. Come on, lets follow them, see how
she does."
As Daisy and Jesse were catching up in Dixie, MaryAnne was giving the
boys a real run for their money.
"Come on, Bo, she's practically in the trunk."
"Luke, I've got it to the floor."
"Here, cut across Jensen’s back 40. Let's see if she can jump the creek."
"Ten-four," Bo said and turned the General off the road with MaryAnne
following right behind.
"She's good, Luke," Bo said.
"Yeah. I just hope she doesn't make Rosco that good."
When Jesse and Daisy came up to Jensen’s back 40, Daisy said, "They're
heading for the creek."
Jesse picked up the CB mike. "This is Shepherd. Now you boys ain't
gonna have MaryAnne jump that creek are ya?"
"It's all right, Jesse," MaryAnne responded. "I've done it before."
She put the CB mike down. "Although not in a police car."
The General Lee came up to the embankment of the creek, became airborne,
cleared the creek and landed safely on the other side.
MaryAnne executed the jump the same way the General did and the white
patrol car flew over the creek and landed safely on the other side.
The boys had brought the General to a stop to watch MaryAnne make the
jump, not realizing that as soon as she landed she would keep after
them. Before the boys could slide back through the windows, MaryAnne
pulled in front of the General preventing the boys from going anywhere.
Bo and Luke could only look at each other.
MaryAnne got out of the patrol car and walked to the General.
"You boys are lucky you're not under arrest," she said, leaning to
see both Bo and Luke through the driver's window.
"Yeah," Bo said. "Uh, MaryAnne, you're not gonna have Rosco driving
like that are ya?"
MaryAnne smiled. "You mean am I going to have him driving well enough
to ever catch you? Probably not. You two seem to forget that my father
was a moonshiner. I even ran it myself but I only did it three times.
Look, what I can teach Rosco in three
days isn't going to guarantee he'll win but it'll give him a fighting
chance. I'm not asking you to do this to help Rosco, I'm asking you
to do this to help the people in Hazzard County, mainly yourselves,
because we all know that as soon as H.A. Floyd gets the Boar's Nest,
before you can blink he'll have your Uncles' farm, the General in a
crusher and you two under the jail."
Don't you love how she puts things in perspective?
Well, the boys agreed to help MaryAnne and she went on her way to begin
improvin’ Rosco’s drivin’. She picked up the newly uniformed Maverick
from Cooter's and for the next three days transformed Rosco’s substandard
drivin’ to somethin’ actually respectable.
MaryAnne and Rosco went to a wide open field to begin Rosco's lesson.
Her training basically consisted of constant practicing and constantly
repeating the same driving pattern. First, she demonstrated a better
turning technique to Rosco and then had him practice by letting him
just run around the field turning the car in different
directions.
MaryAnne then timed him on a straight drag run with a stop watch, which
he didn't do very quickly.
"Rosco, need I have to tell you that that’s a five gear transmission?"
she said. “If you’re gonna even finish the race you’re gonna have to
take it out of third.”
She should consider herself lucky that Rosco knows how to drive
a standard.
She then set up several old crates for Rosco to practice turning and
handling the car. The first time through, he crashed most of the crates
and MaryAnne had to find more. When she timed him on the drag the second
day, he did it a little faster and when
he went through the crates he didn't crash as many. On the third day,
the day before the race, MaryAnne couldn't believe her stop watch when
he did the drag and he made it through all the crates without crashing
any of them.
Unbeknownst to MaryAnne or Rosco, Floyd's associate was watching this
driving instruction with interest from a bluff over looking them.
I was wonderin' when this fella was gonna show up again.
After Rosco did a successful second run of the crate obstacle course,
Pearson went to his car and picked up his CB mike.
"Pearson calling Mr. Floyd."
"Yes, Pearson?"
"Well, Hogg has that new deputy training the Sheriff in a Firebird
that has all the police markings on it, but there's nothing in the
rules that says he can't have a souped up car."
"I'm aware of that, Pearson, but wouldn't it be a tragedy if that car
was damaged before tomorrow's race?"
Pearson smiled. "It would be terrible, Mr. Floyd." He tossed the CB
mike into the car, got in and took off.
* * *
"Alright," MaryAnne was saying to Rosco who was seated in the white
Firebird, "you're doin’ great. Now let's see how you do against me."
"You?"
"Yeah. Just like we did a couple of days ago when I wanted to figure
out where you needed improvement. Well,” she smiled, “let's see if
you have made any improvement."
“Ooh. Alright.”
MaryAnne jogged over to her patrol car and got in. She then signaled
to Rosco and they started their race.
After a while Pearson suddenly came off a side road and cut in front
of MaryAnne.
"Where the --?" MaryAnne said. She watched as the little beige colored
sedan started rear-ending Maverick. She hurridly grabbed up the CB
mike.
"Rosco, get out of here, I don't know what this guy is up to but he
better think twice about smashing my car."
Rosco responded by pushing on the accelerator and Maverick took off.
MaryAnne pulled up beside Pearson and tried to run him off the road
but Pearson fought back by slamming into MaryAnne. She loss her grip
on the steering wheel and the little
beige car forced the big Plymouth off the road and into a ditch.
She picked up the CB mike. "Rosco, he just knocked me off the road
but he might still be after you. Keep him away if you can."
"I'll try," Rosco said.
Back in town, Cooter overheard the whole exchange on the radio. He
turned to another channel and picked up the mike.
"Breaker one, breaker one, might be crazy but I ain't dumb, Craaaaaazy
Cooter. Any y'all Dukes home on the Hazzard Net? Come on."
Bo and Luke were driving in the General Lee when they heard Cooter's
call. Luke picked up the CB.
"Yeah, Cooter, read ya loud and clear. What's up?"
"Hey y'all I just heard MaryAnne on the CB and it sounds like she and
Rosco are in trouble. Now I don't know where they are but she was on
the police channel saying she'd just gone into a ditch and that someone
was chasing after Rosco."
"Alright, Cooter, we'll see if we can find them, thanks a lot."
"If y'all need any help you just hollar."
"That's a big ten-four, Cooter. We're gone." Luke turned the CB to
the police channel.
"This is Luke Duke calling MaryAnne Coltrane. Come back."
"Luke! Thank God. Listen, I'm in a ditch on Pond Road. Some pipsqueak
just ran me off while trying to get to Rosco."
"Cooter told us. Do you know which way they went?"
"They were headin' towards Highway 6, but they may have gone by the
junction to Bog Road."
"Alright, we'll try and give Rosco some help and we'll have Cooter
come out and get you out of that ditch."
"Thanks a lot fellas, you're the greatest."
Meanwhile, Rosco wasn't doin’ to bad in fendin' off Floyd's crony.
Pearson was having a difficult time trying to keep up with Maverick.
Rosco was also finding out how much he'd learn from MaryAnne.
“Khee! Khee!!” Rosco giggled as he turned the Firebird in different
directions evading the little sdean.
When Bo and Luke caught up with the chase they stared in awe at the
white police marked Firebird swinging around, being driven by a guy
who went through atleast three patrol cars a month.
"Would you look at him go," Bo said.
"Yeah, maybe he doesn't need our help," Luke said.
The sound of gun fire changed that.
"Then again maybe he does," Luke said.
Pearson had become frustrated with trying to smash the car so he pulled
out his gun and decided to blow out one of the tires to cause Rosco
to crash.
"See if you can cut him off," Luke said, "give Rosco a chance to get
away."
"All right."
Pearson had fired four shots before the General cut in front of him.
He abandoned the last two and swung the car around, tearing off in
the other direction.
"Gave up quick," Bo said.
"Yeah," Luke said suspiciously. He picked up the CB mike. "Rosco, this
is Luke Duke. Whoever that fella is, he's gone. Why don't you head
back to where MaryAnne was pushed off the road and we'll meet you there,
try and figure out who that guy was."
Cooter had just pulled the patrol car from the ditch when Rosco and
the Duke boys came back.
"We lost him," Luke said. "He took a couple of pot shots at Rosco then
gave up when we cut him off.” Luke looked at Rosco then at MaryAnne.
“You should have seen Rosco! Or is this not Rosco and some long lost
twin brother?”
MaryAnne laughed.
“Of course I’m Rosco,” Rosco said. “There’s only one Roscoooooo P.
Coltrane!”
The boys MaryAnne and Cooter chuckled then Luke asked, “Any idea who
he might have been?"
"Well, my guess is it’s somebody working for Floyd. I can't think who
else would want to wreck my car," MaryAnne said. Cooter walked to her
Firebird and checked over the back end.
"Well, it looks all right to me,” he said.
“I have feeling tho’ Floyd may try that again before tomorrow’s race,”
MaryAnne said. “I think we should stash Maverick someplace for tonight.
Probably in the impound. But before that," she looked at Rosco, "are
you interested to find out if you really learned anything?"
"What do you mean?"
"What I mean is, do you feel like racing against the Dukes here?"
"Oh." He giggled. "Yeah!"
She giggled. "Okay. I'm sure Boss is gonna want to see this too, so
why don't we all meet at the fairgrounds in say, an hour?"
"We'll be there," Luke said.
"So will I," Cooter said. "This I gotta see."
"Alright then," MaryAnne said. "‘A splendid time is guaranteed for
all.’"
* * *
An hour later, everybody met at the fairgrounds. Jesse, Daisy and Enos
also were there, along with Boss and Cooter, all of whom were waiting
off the side of the track while MaryAnne explained the lay out of the
course to Rosco and the boys. The General and Maverick were lined up
side by side on the track.
"Okay," MaryAnne said, standing between the two cars. "Twice around
the track, out the back parking lot, around the marker, out down the
access road 'til you get to the big oak tree, around that, back up
the access road, back to the marker in the parking lot and back in
here for one more lap. You got that?"
"Yeah," Bo said.
"Rosco?"
"Yeah, I got it."
"Alright," she said. "Now remember this is just a test race, so it's
not who wins it's how you run the race. Okay?"
"Yep," Bo said. Rosco nodded.
"Okay, go ahead, start 'em up."
The General and Maverick turned over at the same time.
"Okay, y'all ready?!"
Gunning engines and thumbs-up from both Bo and Rosco responded.
"Alright," she said and raised both her arms. After a count she dropped
her arms and both cars tore off on either side of her leaving behind
dust and rubber on the pavement.
MaryAnne turned and watched the two cars fight for the lead. The General
took the lead first as they went into the corner. MaryAnne ran over
to the others who were waiting in the stands. They watched as the two
cars came out of the turn. The General went high on the back stretch
and Rosco was right behind. Just before they got to the next turn Rosco
went to the inside of the General and went into the turn first.
"Hoowee! Miss MaryAnne, I don't know how you did it, but your sure
improved Rosco's driving. Now, you didn't make him good enough to catch
them boys did you?"
"No, I didn't," MaryAnne said and smiled. "He'll probably forget everything
after the race tomorrow anyway."
Maverick and the General ran a tight two laps before roaring out of
the track to the empty back parking lot. Rosco was in the lead.
Everybody had gone up to the upper level of the stands to see the cars
race behind the track. As Rosco led the way around the marker and to
the access road, Boss said, "MaryAnne, is that really Rosco driving?"
"It sure is."
"I can't believe it," Daisy said. "It's almost like you were driving."
"Well," MaryAnne giggled. "Who taught him?"
Rosco led all the way to the oak tree. The General and Maverick swung
around the tree and the General regained the lead, coming off the turn.
"He's good, Luke," Bo said.
"He's gonna have to be to win tomorrow," Luke replied.
The General led back to the marker in the parking lot. Rosco was right
on the General's tail as the two cars went around the marker and sprinted
to the drive leading into the track. When they got onto the track,
the General was still in the lead.
The General led around the track and when they came to the final straight
away Rosco pulled up beside the General. The two cars crossed the finish
line with the General just slightly ahead of Maverick.
Everyone cheered, even Boss, who was obviously very pleased with the
results.
Everyone went down to the track to greet the cars as they came around
the track one last time.
After the two cars came to a stop and rounds of congratulations were
giving to Rosco, MaryAnne said, "Well, I guess my work here is done.
I just hope it all pays off tomorrow."
After a night of royal treatment at the Hazzard County impound,
Maverick was primped and prepared by Cooter and then delivered to the
startin' line. Now despite the race being the Tri-County Sheriffs race,
there were actually five counties participating. Sheriff Ed Little
from Chickasaw, Sheriff "Hammerhand" Ramsdale from Choctaw, Sheriff
Morris from Hatchapie, good ol' Rosco, and Sheriff Wilson of Rivington
County. Now, y'all sit tight, this is gonna be interestin'.
Of all the cars lined up at the starting line, not one was an original
patrol car. Instead each county had a souped up car painted in county
colors with Sheriff decals added.
"I didn't think any of them would run one of their real patrol cars,"
MaryAnne said to Rosco who was sitting in Maverick fiddling with the
seat belt. Boss was standing by the car as well, smoking a cigar.
Sheriff Ramsdale came up to the passenger window. "Coltrane, you gotta
be kiddin' me," he said. "Your driving is so below standard you're
going to get the rest of us killed."
"We'll see about that, Hammerhand," Rosco said.
On the other side of Maverick, Sheriff Little came up to Boss and MaryAnne.
"You must be kiddin' to think he's even gonna finish the race."
When both Little and Ramsdale had walked away, MaryAnne looked at Rosco
and Boss.
"Oh, if they only knew," she said with a giggle.
* * *
"Alright, Pearson, you know what to do," Floyd said. He and Pearson
were situated just beyond the Start/Finish area.
Pearson nodded and got into his car. Being hidden from most of the
spectators, no one saw Pearson drive away. He drove to a point overlooking
part of the course and got out of the car bringing a high-powered rifle
with a scope and silencer on it with him.
I sure hope he's plannin' on usin' that to shoot skeet with.
* * *
"Okay," MaryAnne said, handing Rosco his helmet, "this helmet has a
built in radio on it, so all you have to do is just talk into the mike."
"Okay," Rosco said and put the helmet on.
"You ready, Flash?" MaryAnne asked the basset hound who was sitting
in the passenger seat with her own custom made helmet on.
"Woof!" Flash responded.
"Alright. Good luck, Rosco and we'll see you at the finish line."
"And you better be first," Boss cut in.
"Oh, I will," Rosco said with a trademark snicker, "I will."
MaryAnne and Boss walked over to where Enos and the Dukes were while
the announcer announced that the race was about to start.
"Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the First Annual Tri-County Sheriff's
Race sponsored by the State Police Association. The winner of this
race will receive $10,000 towards their sheriff's department and this
coveted trophy."
The crowd cheered.
"Gentlemen, start your engines!"
The roar from five engines drowned out the cheering crowd.
"Here we go," MaryAnne said with a hint of apprehension as she picked
up the hand radio.
"Don't worry,MaryAnne, he's gonna do fine," Bo said.
"I don't want him to do fine,Bo, I want him to win," she replied.
The green flag dropped and all five cars were off. Sheriff Morris took
the lead followed by Sheriff Little, Rosco, Ramsdale and Wilson.
Not being able to see the whole race, MaryAnne and all the spectators
had to rely on the announcer to tell them when positions changed.
"Car number 16 of Hatchapie County is in the lead followed by car number
21 of Chickasaw, car number 44 of Hazzard, car number 36 of Choctaw
and car number 28 of Rivington."
"Well, at least he's not last," MaryAnne said.
The announcer was quiet for a while. Sometimes MaryAnne's radio would
crackle whenever Rosco talked to Flash. From behind her, MaryAnne over
heard a voice that sounded familiar. She turned to look.
She saw H.A. Floyd talking to somebody. He stopped and looked up at
her, gave her a curt nod and then resumed his conversation.
MaryAnne turned back around and leaned toward Boss who was standing
next to her with his cigar sticking out of his frowned mouth.
"Hey, Boss," she said. She jerked her thumb over her shoulder.
Boss took his cigar out of his mouth and turned to look. He saw Floyd
but Floyd didn't see him.
Before Boss could say something, the announcer cut in.
"Car number 44 is attempting to make a move on car 21 for second place."
MaryAnne perked up.
"Car 44 is on the outside of car 21 and they're running even."
"Alright, come on, Rosco you can do it," MaryAnne said but not into
the radio.
"Car 44 has passed car 21 and taken second place."
MaryAnne, Boss, Enos and the Dukes all cheered.
"Alright, Rosco, you're doing great," MaryAnne said into the radio.
Rosco responded with a trademark snicker, "I love it, I love it."
No one noticed H.A. Floyd approaching until he spoke.
"Well, Hogg," he said, "looks like your sheriff may have a chance to
win after all."
"No thanks to you," MaryAnne said. "Sending one of you cronies to try
and wreck our car before the race wasn't exactly a gracious thing to
do."
"Ah, Miss Coltrane, I can see you haven't changed a bit. Still looking
for invisible moonshiners?"
"They weren't invisible, Mr. Floyd. They were living, breathing and
talking beings. The only regret I have about that is we didn't have
enough information to nail you."
"Well, perhaps another time, Miss Coltrane, perhaps another time."
"I hope it's soon."
Floyd gave her a sly smile and turned to Boss. "I'll see you at the
finish line, Hogg and it will be me collecting all of the winnings."
Floyd began to walk away.
"Don't count your chickens before they're hatched, Mr. Floyd," Boss
replied in a sing-song voice.
The race continued on and Rosco held on to second place. Sheriff Wilson
of Rivington County moved up to third.
From the bluff over looking the course, Pearson saw the cars as they
came around the corner. He lined up his sights on the rifle with Maverick
and when the all white car was in a clear view he pulled the trigger.
Rosco jumped at the sound of the bullet piercing the windshield. He
looked at the hole in the glass with its spider web design. He then
looked at Flash, who was okay, and around outside where the bullet
came from.
Another bullet pierced the body of the car.
"MaryAnne, we've got trouble."
"What's wrong?"
"Somebody's shootin' at me."
"What?! Shootin' at you?"
"Yeah. But I can't hear them, they must have a silencer or something."
Another bullet pierced the back window which shattered in places.
"I hear it," MaryAnne said. "Where are you?"
"On the north side of the course. By the bluffs."
MaryAnne turned to Bo and Luke who were already on their way to the
General.
"Alright, Rosco, you just hang on and don't let them hit your tires,
you, or Flash."
"I'll try."
The boys tore out in the General Lee and were up on the bluffs in no
time. They recognized Pearson's car.
"Isn't that the fella who was trying to get Rosco yesterday?" Bo asked.
"Yeah, it is," Luke replied. "I think MaryAnne was right about it being
one of Floyd's cronies."
Bo aimed the General straight for Pearson who turned at the sound of
the General whistling “Dixie.” The General was coming too fast and
Pearson didn't have time to aim the rifle. He dropped it and started
running.
"Ha ha!" Bo said.
Bo had no trouble cutting Pearson off, who practically flew over the
hood of the car when Bo turned the General to block Pearson.
The boys climbed out of the General and quickly apprehended Pearson.
Stuffing him into the General and then returned to the start/finish
line area.
After the boys brought Pearson back, MaryAnne informed the race
officials and both Pearson and H.A. Floyd were detained on the spot.
The Rivington County Sheriff was disqualified from the race and you'll
never guess who
won.
The last MaryAnne knew Rosco was still in second place. They could
hear the cars as they were coming towards the finish line and she looked
to see who was in the lead. What she saw was Rosco suddenly pull out
and up beside Sheriff Morris and then
fly past him and cross the finish line first.
"He won!!!" MaryAnne screamed with everyone else cheering with her.
"I don't believe it! Yee-haaa!!!
Yup, Rosco P. Coltrane.
Boss was able to collect his $10,000 bet from Floyd before Floyd was
taken away.
H.A. Floyd grudgingly handed over $10,000 to Boss Hogg before two troopers
took him to a waiting patrol car. Boss chuckled as he thumbed the money.
Rosco was able to collect the $10,000 prize money.
The crowd cheered when Rosco was handed the trophy and $10,000 check.
MaryAnne stood next to him holding Flash, who barked approvingly.
And MaryAnne was able to see the $20,000 be put towards the Hazzard
County Sheriff's Pension Fund which had been non-existent since the
fateful bond election of 1974 when Rosco lost his pension.
Later that afternoon, everyone gathered at the bank to witness Boss
putting the $20,000 in the new official Hazzard County Sheriff's pension
fund.
MaryAnne always believed that there was more to Rosco losing
his pension then just to help pay for two municipal bonds, and the
frown on Boss's face as he entered the account in the County Ledger
only confirmed it. Rosco, although quite happy to have a pension again,
had no intention of retiring any time soon.
Oh, Boss also paid for the repairs to Maverick and a new paint job.
Now, I know what you're wonderin'. Did Rosco's drivin' improvements
make him able to catch the Dukes?
A couple of days after the race, Bo and Luke found themselves being
chased by Sheriff Rosco. The General made a sharp turn, avoiding the
fence that lined the road but poor Rosco failed to negotiate the turn.
The patrol car crashed through the fence.
“Doh!!” Rosco exclaimed.
Somethings in Hazzard County you just can't change.