This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any actual resemblance to persons or historical persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
The Dukes of Hazzard characters, settings, locales, ect. are owned by other entities who have not endorsed this fic nor have they given express permission for the character's use. Author makes not claims to these characters and is not making any profit from their use.
All original characters are the property of the author.
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© Copyright: 1996-2004. Lisa Philbrick
The Dukes of Hazzard
Holy smokes! Rosco learns to DRIVE!!
The mornin' starts early at the Duke farm. The boys and Uncle
Jesse are up early to get started on the days chores and Daisy leaves
early to give MaryAnne a ride to the Boar's Nest. To pay Cooter for
the repairs on her car, MaryAnne didn't have much money when she first
got to Hazzard so she had to get a job. But with the wages Boss pays
it may take her a little longer than she thought to pay Cooter.
With the porch door slamming behind her, Daisy dashed to her Jeep calling to the boys and Uncle Jesse that she was leaving.
"Leavin' a little early today aren't ya?" Luke said.
"MaryAnne's car is ready and she wants to get it this morning."
"You know with the way Cooter talks, that's apparently some machine she's got," Luke said.
"You guys may have some new competition," Daisy said with a giggle. She climbed into her Jeep and waved as she drove off.
The boys looked at each other for a moment. "Nah," they both said breaking into chuckles.
* * *
"Cooter, how can I ever thank you enough?" MaryAnne said looking at her blue Firebird that sat in front of the garage.
"Miss MaryAnne, it was enough just to work on such a beautiful car."
MaryAnne smiled. "You're not the first mechanic to tell me that. And don't worry I'm still gonna pay you. That is, as soon as Boss pays me."
"That could be a while," Cooter said.
"We better get going, MaryAnne," Daisy said, "if we're late Boss may not pay us anything."
"You ladies take care of yourselves now," Cooter said as Daisy and MaryAnne got into their respective vehicles.
"Thanks again, Cooter," MaryAnne called as she and Daisy drove off.
At the Boar's Nest, Boss and Rosco were deep in discussion about how Boss--uh, they--were gonna to make twenty-thousand dollars easily.
"Rosco, this is gonna be the easiest $20,000 we've ever made," Boss said.
Rosco let out a exclamation then stopped. "Wait a minute," he said. "How are we gonna to do that?"
"By winning the First Annual Tri-County Sheriffs Race."
"But wait a minute, Boss, I thought the prize money was $10,000?"
"It is. I made a bet with H.A. Floyd over in Rivington County for another $10,000 that the Sheriff of Hazzard County will win the race!"
Rosco let go another trademark exclamation. "You can count on me, Boss, I'll win it. I will."
"No, you won't."
"No. Rosco, with your driving you couldn't win that race if you were the only contestant. If this is gonna to work I need a driver that can actually drive not a crash test dummy like you."
"But, Boss, all the drivers in this race are county sheriffs. You can't just put anybody in there."
"I can if I make them Sheriff."
Rosco looked at Boss. "You don't mean you're gonna...?" he finished with whine.
"Oh, Rosco, it's only gonna be temporary. After the race you'll be back to being Sheriff."
"Oh. Whew. For a moment there you sure gave me a quiver in my liver. But where are you going to find a driver who can temporarily be Sheriff? Are you going to promote Enos? He is a good driver."
"I was thinking of Enos," Boss said, "but only if I can't find someone better."
Suddenly they could hear a car racing around outside and cheering.
"What in tarnation is that?" Boss said. He and Rosco left the office and went out to see what the commotion was.
What they saw was MaryAnne's blue Firebird, which folks had learned she called Maverick, doing some slick moves in front of the Boar's Nest. They stood and watched her as she drove around the gas pumps with folks cheering her on. She negotiated the turns with expertise and at one point she demonstrated a well executed J-turn.
"Rosco, did you know she could drive like that?" Boss asked.
"Oh yeah," Rosco smiled.
"That's it, Rosco. There's our driver!" Boss exclaimed joyfully, the dollar signs a light in his eyes.
"Uh, Boss--" Before Rosco could protest further, Boss had already scurried back to the office. Rosco went as well.
MaryAnne brought her Firebird to a parking spot and cut the engine.
"Woh! MaryAnne where'd you learn to do that?" Daisy asked.
"Daisy, I'm a moonshiner's daughter, whadya mean where'd I learn to do that?" MaryAnne said as she got out of her car.
Daisy laughed as someone else said, "Well, we knew you sure didn't get that from Rosco."
Everyone laughed and headed into the Boar’s Nest.
In Boss's office Rosco was giving slight protest to Boss's idea.
"Wait a minute, Boss, MaryAnne? I don't know if she'd wanna help you. She don't particularly like you."
Boss shot Rosco a look through narrow eyes. "Well, she'd want to help her own cousin wouldn't she? Besides, you've been buggin’ me about makin’ her a deputy, now's her chance."
"Oo, you mean that? A permanent deputy?"
"Uh," Boss fudged a moment. "Yeah, a permanent deputy."
"Oo, MaryAnne ain't gonna believe this. I finally get to have her as one of my deputies!" he giggled.
Boss and Rosco waited until break time before making the announcement. MaryAnne, of course, had no idea what was about to happen.
The Boar's Nest was packed at break time and MaryAnne was balancing several mugs of beer on a tray, walking towards a table as Boss and Rosco came out of the office and went to the bar.
"Aw right everybody," Rosco called. "Now settle down, the Boss and I have an announcement."
At their table the Bo, Luke and Uncle Jesse exchanged glances.
As silence came over the room and MaryAnne balanced four empty beer mugs on the tray on her hip, Boss spoke.
"As Police Commissioner, I am proud to announce that Hazzard County will be hiring a second sheriff’s deputy to accommodate our changing and growing community."
"What change and growth is he talking about?" Luke whispered to Bo and Uncle Jesse.
"Now this is a surprise announcement," Boss continued, "and our new deputy is right here in the room but unaware of their promotion. But I know all of you will approve. As will she. " Boss paused for effect while everyone exchanged hushed
When Boss paused longer than needed Bo asked, "Well, who is it?"
"Miss MaryAnne Coltrane," Boss said.
Everyone looked at MaryAnne who dropped her tray and the four empty beer mugs crashed to the floor.
"Me?!" she exclaimed. Stepping over the glass on the floor she approached Boss and Rosco. "Are you serious? You can't be serious."
"I'm very serious," Boss said and pulled a deputy's badge out of his pocket and handed it MaryAnne.
She took it and looked at it. "Rosco, did you know about this?"
"Yeah," he said with a smile.
"Rosco told me you were a Sheriff's deputy over in Finchburg County and that you had served with the Atlanta City Police. I realized demoting an experienced law enforcement officer such as yourself to just being a bar maid wasn't fair."
MaryAnne looked at the badge again. "No catch?"
"No catch," Boss said. "I want you to be a full-fledged, permanent Hazzard County Sheriff’s Deputy."
MaryAnne looked from Boss to everyone at the Boar's Nest. "Well," she said, "whadaya think?"
The Boar's Nest erupted in approving applause and MaryAnne looked back at Boss.
"Well, all right," she said and shook Boss's hand.
Bo and Luke noticed that Uncle Jesse seemed to be having trouble accepting what had happened.
"What's the matter, Uncle Jesse?" Bo asked. "Aren't you glad we'll have another actually honest deputy?"
"I'm not sure," Jesse said. "Somethin' don't seem right."
"You think MaryAnne's bein' took?" Luke said.
"I think we better keep an eye out for her. I don't think Rosco would let J.D. use MaryAnne in some kind of scam but it's possible Rosco isn't aware of one."
Nothing gets by ol' Jesse.
And this feller found MaryAnne's promotion interesting too.
After Boss and Rosco left with MaryAnne to officially swear her in in town, a brown haired man in tan trousers and a tweed sport coat walked out of the Boar's Nest to his car and picked up the CB mike.
"Pearson calling Mr. Floyd."
Over in Rivington County, H.A. Floyd picked up his CB mike. "Yes, Pearson?"
"Sir, Hogg just promoted a bar maid to deputy sheriff. Some chick named MaryAnne Coltrane."
There was a long pause on the CB.
"Sir? Did you copy that?"
"Yes, Pearson, I did. I want you to return to my office immediately."
Pearson tossed the CB mike into the car, got in, and tore out of the parking lot of the Boar's Nest.
A few moments later, all of the Dukes came out of the Boar's Nest.
"You know, it does seem a little strange that Boss would hire another deputy, let alone an honest one," Bo said.
"And a Coltrane to boot," Luke said.
"So what could Boss have up his sleeve, other than that chubby little arm of his?" Bo asked.
"Probably somethin' that'll get us in trouble," Luke said and then noticed a poster advertising the First Annual Tri-County Sheriffs Race and the $10,000 prize.
"Hey, did you see this?" he asked pointing at the poster.
"Tri-County Sheriffs race? Ha, Boss has to be kiddin' if he thinks Rosco could win that," Bo said.
"Not unless he has someone else driving," Luke said.
"Like MaryAnne?" Daisy said. "And she can drive."
"So her job as deputy may not be so permanent after all," Luke said.
"If that’s what this is all about, then as soon as she finishes that race J.D. will have her right back here as the Boar’s Nest,” Jesse said.
"Then we've got to make sure she stays a deputy!" Daisy said.
In Rivington County, however, H. A. Floyd had a different feeling about that.
"We have to make sure she doesn't remain a deputy," Floyd said. “Or atleast not have her drive in the race.”
"I don't understand," Pearson said.
"Clearly, Hogg is thinking of promoting Miss Coltrane to Sheriff long enough to drive in that race and win the $10,000 bet I made with him."
"But not only is she the current Hazzard Sheriff's cousin, she's the one who busted my foothold in Finchburg County and she's lethal behind the wheel."
"She busted your connection in Finchburg?"
Floyd nodded. "Now's my chance to get her and Hogg." He picked up the phone.
"Operator get me Hazzard 2-3-5." He looked at Pearson. "But first I'm going to remind Mr. Hogg of the rules of this race."
At the Hazzard County Courthouse, the phone rang twice in Boss's office before he picked it up.
"J. D. Hogg."
"Mr. Hogg, this is H.A. Floyd over in Rivington County."
"Oh, hello Mr. Floyd. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I've just heard something that greatly disturbs me."
"Oh? What's that?"
"You've promoted a new deputy, a young lady by the name of MaryAnne Coltrane?"
"Yes. Yes, I have but why does that trouble you?"
"Well, I hope you're not thinking of trying to cheat in order to win that $10,000 bet we made. You know, by temporarily promoting your new deputy to Sheriff long enough to win that race."
"Mr. Floyd, I wouldn't think of doing such a thing. I simply needed an extra
"Well that's reassuring. I'm glad I don't have to remind you of the rules regarding the race, being that at the time you signed that entry form, the individual who is sheriff is the one who will drive in the race unless he is seriously injured, ill or dies and it is
verified by the other participating counties. Of course, you already knew that."
"Uh, of course. I knew that."
"So I can rest assured that you are not thinking of trying to fix the race to your advantage?"
"Yes," Boss stammered. "You can rest assured."
"Excellent. Well, Mr. Hogg, I will see you at the race."
"You sure will, Mr. Floyd. Bye."
After hanging up the phone, H. A. Floyd said, "Pearson, I want you to go back to Hazzard. J.D. Hogg's never earned an honest dollar in his life and he's sure not going to start now."
* * *
In the booking room, Rosco was showing MaryAnne the uniform catalog and what her uniform would look like.
"Rosco,” she said, “you gotta be kiddin' to think I'm gonna wear a skirt and heels. It's bad enough I have to wear heels serving beer, I'm not wearin' them in hot pursuit. Now, I didn't wear a skirt and heels in Finchburg County or in Atlanta and I ain't wearin' them here."
"Okay," Rosco said. "You don't have to wear 'em."
"Rosco!" Boss yelled from his office.
The two cousins flinched. Rosco left MaryAnne in the booking room and scurried to Boss's office.
"What?" Rosco asked closing the door behind him.
"Rosco, do we have a copy of the rules for that race?"
"It's right in your desk, Boss. You never did bother to look at it."
Boss threw open the drawer. "Oh!" he exclaimed pulling the leaflet out. He flipped it opened and read about the driver and replacements.
"'The individual who is Sheriff at the time of the signing of the entry form will be the driver for that county and can only be replaced on account of illness, injury or death which must be verified by all other participating counties and the state police
association.'" He let the booklet fall on the desk.
"What's the matter, Boss?" Rosco asked.
"H.A. Floyd just called a moment ago and he figured out how I was gonna have MaryAnne run that race."
"Oo," Rosco said. "You can't have her run that race now can you?"
"No, not unless you really do become ill, injured or die. I can't have you fake something like that with all these other people having to verify it."
"So what are we going to do?"
"Not we. You. You're gonna learn to drive."
MaryAnne was standing just outside the door and had heard the whole thing. She now threw the door open.
Boss and Rosco turned to her. “Uh oh,” Rosco said.
"I should have known there was a catch," she said. "Let me guess, as soon as I won that race you were gonna send me back to waitin' tables at the Boar's Nest."
"Now, MaryAnne, that's not how it is," Boss said.
"That's right, ‘cuz I won't be driving in that race now, according to those rules. Your stuck with Rosco. Of course I don't see what the big deal is with winning $10,000, considering’ it would only be for lining your fat pocket."
"Actually it’$20,000," Rosco said. "Boss made another $10,000 bet with H.A. Floyd over in Rivington County."
“Ah! Rosco!!” Boss exclaimed.
MaryAnne looked at Boss. "Is this true?" she asked.
“Uh, well...” Boss nodded.
"Well, I don't see what the big deal is with losing $10,000."
"I don't have $10,000," Boss admitted.
"What? That's ridiculous, you're the richest man in Hazzard County. What do you mean you don't have ten grand?"
"I'm a little short on cash right now," Boss said. "Most of it I have in a land deal over in Chickasaw County."
MaryAnne looked at Rosco who nodded.
"I don't believe that," she said and looked at the safe. "Let me see."
Boss looked at MaryAnne suspiciously.
"If you're really short maybe I can help--" she almost said 'you' but finished pointing at Rosco and said, "him."
Boss looked at Rosco who nodded.
Boss got up from the desk and went to the safe. He opened it and removed a single money bag. MaryAnne saw the rest of the safe was empty. Boss handed her the money bag.
MaryAnne opened it and took out six stacks of money.
"A thousand a piece?" she asked.
"So only six-thousand dollars?"
He nodded again.
MaryAnne placed the stacks back in the bag and put it on the desk. "Well, you really stepped in it this time didn't you? I know H. A. Floyd isn't going to like to know that you can't pay that ten grand."
"How do you know H. A. Floyd?" Rosco asked.
"I helped bust his moonshine operation in Finchburg County. I know he has no love lost for me." She looked at Boss. "If you knew you were short on cash, why'd you make the bet?"
"Well, I thought I could get away with puttin’ you in to drive."
"But I still could have lost. Does Floyd know you're short?"
Boss nodded. "I put up the Boar's Nest as collateral."
"Oh brilliant. You know that's all he needs is to just get his foot in the door and he'll end up with half of Hazzard County before you can sneeze."
"I know," Boss whined. "Can you help?"
MaryAnne paused, looking back and forth between Boss and Rosco. Like two puppies who had just messed on the floor.
"I can help, but on a couple of conditions though."
"Anythin’," Boss said.
"Alright, let me see those rules." Boss handed her the booklet. MaryAnne flipped through it and found the section regarding what kind of vehicle can be used.
"Okay, this only says that the car has to be an official county sheriff's patrol car and can not have nitrous oxide."
"So?" Boss said.
"Well, Commissioner, as a duly sworn officer of the law and a member of the Hazzard County Sheriff's Department I am proposing that the county accept the temporary loan of new patrol car, one blue Firebird that belongs to one MaryAnne
Coltrane who is offering its services to help serve and protect the citizens of Hazzard County."
Boss responded with an agreeable laugh. "Miss Coltrane, the county accepts your gracious offer."
"Good. Now, I'll help Rosco improve his driving, more or less because I want my car back in one piece. If he wins, the prize money and you're bet,” she slowed her pace for effect, “will be used to reestablish the Hazzard County Sheriff's pension fund."
"Ooh," Rosco perked up.
Boss fudged for a bit.
"You can kiss the Boar’s Nest good-bye," MaryAnne said.
"Oh, all right," Boss finally said.
"And you don't have to keep me as a full time deputy, but I will accept a part-time position."
"And, let's see what else? Oh, if my car should be damaged in this race you'll pay for the repairs, seeing as I'm already paying for previous repairs."
"Done." Boss started to get up.
"Wait a minute, one more thing. Knowing your word is about as good a three dollar bill I want the word of a ridgerunner."
"You weren't a member of the ridgerunner's society."
"No, but Papa was and if I'm correct the ridgerunner's honor code can be applied to direct family members. My father didn't raise no fool." MaryAnne spit on her hand and held it out.
Boss paused a moment then did the same. They shook, each growled the word ‘done’and as MaryAnne pulled her hand away she cringed.
"Yuck, glad I wasn't a ridgerunner."
Too bad, she would have made a good one too.
Well, MaryAnne decided to take Rosco out to see what kind of work she had cut out for her which, as we all know, is a lot.
"Okay," MaryAnne said, "now I'm going to let you drive Maverick here but please, be careful, alright?"
"Yeah," Rosco said eagerly.
"Now I'm gonna drive your patrol car. Basically pretend you’re one of the Duke boys being chased by the Sheriff."
"MaryAnne, I am the Sheriff."
MaryAnne pulled his hat off. "Not for the next few minutes you ain't." She put the hat on her head instead. "You're one of the Duke boys and khee, khee, your under arrest!!"
It finally clicked, and Rosco bolted to the Firebird. MaryAnne scurried to the patrol car and both were off.
When they got out of town MaryAnne put the lights and siren on.
She giggled. "Hot pursuit!"
As they drove MaryAnne kept a mental checklist of the mistakes Rosco made and where he needed improvement. Several times he would take a turn to quick or fail to negotiate it all together.
"Gonna have to work on that," she would say whenever he did something wrong.
At one point they came upon a road crew and a large hole in the road.
"Oh no," she said, "Rosco..." She grabbed the CB mike. "Rosco, slow down, don't try to jump it!"
"Ah, too late," Rosco replied and MaryAnne watched as the Maverick hit the dirt pile and became airborne.
You know, this race could be over before it even starts. Hang on.
The Firebird cleared the pile of dirt and the hole and landed relatively gracefully on the other side. It bounced a bit and then Rosco brought the blue car to a halt.
MaryAnne drove around the construction area more or less to avoid landing on her car if she tried to make the jump. She pulled up beside Rosco.
"For God's sake," she shouted through the window, "keep it on the ground."
"Sorry," Rosco said then broke into a grin. "I did it though!"
"Yeah, I know and it was very good but you don't need to know that to win this race. Now listen, when we get to the Pine Road junction let's double back and stop at the Boar's Nest and figure out what you need improvement on okay?"
Rosco nodded and took off with MaryAnne in hot pursuit.
The Duke boys happened to be on the same road heading to the Boar's Nest too and were caught by surprise when the Firebird and the patrol car went zooming past them.
"What the heck do you suppose that was all about?" Bo asked.
"I don't know," Luke replied, "that looked like MaryAnne in the patrol car but I couldn't see who was in her car."
"You don't think somebody stole it do you?" Bo asked.
"If they did she's going to need some help."
"Ten-four on that. Hang on." Bo pushed the pedal down and after a couple of moments the General caught up with the patrol car and the Firebird which were turning into the Boar's Nest.
Bo brought the General to a stop and he and Luke were out of the car before Rosco could bring the Firebird to a stop.
"Rosco?" Bo queried when he and Luke got close enough to see the driver.
"Yes, it's Rosco," MaryAnne said approaching them. "Who'd you think it was? Cale Yarborough?"
"Not with Rosco's driving," Luke said. He looked at MaryAnne. "What's going on?"
"Well," MaryAnne said taking the hat off and leaning against her car, "you see that poster over there for the First Annual Tri-County Sheriff’s Race?"
"Yeah?" Bo said.
"I'm helping Rosco improve his driving so he can win."
Bo and Luke had a hard time trying to stifle their snickers.
"I know, I know, rates right up there with when pigs fly. But I've got a lot riding on this including putting Boss Hogg in his place."
"And gettin’ me back my pension," Rosco added.
"How the heck did you do that?" Bo asked.
So Rosco and MaryAnne explained to the boys about Boss's bet with H. A. Floyd and MaryAnne's proposal to help not necessarily Boss, but Rosco.
After a while the conversation was carried inside the Boar's Nest when Boss called Rosco into his office.
"So," MaryAnne was saying to the Dukes, "knowing H. A. Floyd, if Boss loses this bet and Floyd gets the Boar's Nest we can kiss the rest of Hazzard County good-bye."
"So that's why Boss made you a deputy," Luke said, "to drive in the race."
"Yeah, only Mr. Floyd kindly reminded Boss of the rules regarding replacement drivers and Boss found himself in a pickle. So I offered Maverick and my help to improve Rosco’s driving for a couple of things in return."
"What about your job as deputy? Are you still going to do that?" Bo asked.
"Yeah, part time though. Kind of like a back up if Enos isn't here or whatever."
Bo smiled. "I guess having two Coltranes in the Sheriff's department and being married to another would be too much for Boss."
Now seeing as blue is not the color of an official Hazzard County patrol car, MaryAnne brought Maverick back into town and to Cooter's.
"Maverick needs a new uniform," MaryAnne said.
"He does?" Cooter said. "What's wrong with the one he's got?"
"Nothing, except that blue is not the color of an official county Sheriff's car."
Cooter could only respond with a questioning look.
MaryAnne grinned. "Okay let me explain..."
And so she went through the whole thing again for Cooter.
Cooter let out a laugh. "Miss MaryAnne that is slick. Alright, you come back in a couple of hours and I'll have Maverick all ready for ya."
"Thanks Cooter. Oh, and you can charge it to the Hazzard County Sheriff's Department."
"It'll be my pleasure."
* * *
MaryAnne pulled up to the Duke farm in the spare patrol car. She had changed into a pair of black jeans and a blue denim shirt. Until she got a uniform, the ensemble would have to do.
Daisy was collecting laundry off the line. "MaryAnne!" she exclaimed. "Uncle Jesse, Bo, Luke! MaryAnne's here."
After a moment Uncle Jesse and the boys emerged from the house.
"Hey y'all," MaryAnne said. "And no I ain’t here to arrest you. I want to ask you a favor I didn't get to ask while we were at the Boar's Nest."
"Sure, what is it?" Luke asked.
"Well, my improving Rosco's driving ain’t gonna mean diddly unless I can test him against a faster car than this." She pointed to her patrol car. "So I was wondering if y'all let me run him against the General?"
"Wait a minute," Bo chuckled, "you want me and Luke to race against Rosco?"
"Yeah," MaryAnne said, "but its not a race and if your afraid he'll embarrass you I'll drive the General."
Bo and Luke had a hard time stifling their laughter.
"Boys," Uncle Jesse scolded.
"Sorry, Uncle Jesse, MaryAnne," Luke said. "Look, we didn't want to say this at the Boar's Nest, but we don't think you can do it."
MaryAnne could only smile. "You don't think I can improve Rosco's driving."
"Well, we've never actually seen you drive," Bo said.
“That’s true, but Daisy has.”
"Boys," Daisy said, "she can drive. You should've seen her this morning at the Boar's Nest."
"Hey, if you want to see me drive, there's the General. Hop in, I'll make like I am trying to arrest you."
"MaryAnne..." Luke started to say.
"No, I'm serious. I have a chance to maybe return Rosco to being an honest lawman before he meets his maker and you think this is some kind of joke. Now you either get in that car or you can take your chauvinist attitude, your lead foots and the
General and stuff it for all I care. I'll find some other stock car boy to help me."
The boys were a bit taken aback. "Alright," Luke said, "come on, Bo, let's go." They went to the General.
MaryAnne looked at Uncle Jesse and Daisy. Jesse nodded.
MaryAnne then stepped to her patrol car and got in as the General came to life. The boys tore out and MaryAnne followed out after.
"You know," Jesse said, "that girl is her father and Rosco wrapped into one."
"Rosco?" Daisy said. "She seems the exact opposite of Rosco to me."
"She is, only because she's what Rosco used to be like and would still be now, if he weren't so crooked. Come on, lets follow them, see how she does."
As Daisy and Jesse were catching up in Dixie, MaryAnne was giving the boys a real run for their money.
"Come on, Bo, she's practically in the trunk."
"Luke, I've got it to the floor."
"Here, cut across Jensen’s back 40. Let's see if she can jump the creek."
"Ten-four," Bo said and turned the General off the road with MaryAnne following right behind.
"She's good, Luke," Bo said.
"Yeah. I just hope she doesn't make Rosco that good."
When Jesse and Daisy came up to Jensen’s back 40, Daisy said, "They're heading for the creek."
Jesse picked up the CB mike. "This is Shepherd. Now you boys ain't gonna have MaryAnne jump that creek are ya?"
"It's all right, Jesse," MaryAnne responded. "I've done it before." She put the CB mike down. "Although not in a police car."
The General Lee came up to the embankment of the creek, became airborne, cleared the creek and landed safely on the other side.
MaryAnne executed the jump the same way the General did and the white patrol car flew over the creek and landed safely on the other side.
The boys had brought the General to a stop to watch MaryAnne make the jump, not realizing that as soon as she landed she would keep after them. Before the boys could slide back through the windows, MaryAnne pulled in front of the General preventing the boys from going anywhere.
Bo and Luke could only look at each other.
MaryAnne got out of the patrol car and walked to the General.
"You boys are lucky you're not under arrest," she said, leaning to see both Bo and Luke through the driver's window.
"Yeah," Bo said. "Uh, MaryAnne, you're not gonna have Rosco driving like that are ya?"
MaryAnne smiled. "You mean am I going to have him driving well enough to ever catch you? Probably not. You two seem to forget that my father was a moonshiner. I even ran it myself but I only did it three times. Look, what I can teach Rosco in three
days isn't going to guarantee he'll win but it'll give him a fighting chance. I'm not asking you to do this to help Rosco, I'm asking you to do this to help the people in Hazzard County, mainly yourselves, because we all know that as soon as H.A. Floyd gets the Boar's Nest, before you can blink he'll have your Uncles' farm, the General in a crusher and you two under the jail."
Don't you love how she puts things in perspective?
Well, the boys agreed to help MaryAnne and she went on her way to begin improvin’ Rosco’s drivin’. She picked up the newly uniformed Maverick from Cooter's and for the next three days transformed Rosco’s substandard drivin’ to somethin’ actually respectable.
MaryAnne and Rosco went to a wide open field to begin Rosco's lesson.
Her training basically consisted of constant practicing and constantly repeating the same driving pattern. First, she demonstrated a better turning technique to Rosco and then had him practice by letting him just run around the field turning the car in different
MaryAnne then timed him on a straight drag run with a stop watch, which he didn't do very quickly.
"Rosco, need I have to tell you that that’s a five gear transmission?" she said. “If you’re gonna even finish the race you’re gonna have to take it out of third.”
She should consider herself lucky that Rosco knows how to drive a standard.
She then set up several old crates for Rosco to practice turning and handling the car. The first time through, he crashed most of the crates and MaryAnne had to find more. When she timed him on the drag the second day, he did it a little faster and when
he went through the crates he didn't crash as many. On the third day, the day before the race, MaryAnne couldn't believe her stop watch when he did the drag and he made it through all the crates without crashing any of them.
Unbeknownst to MaryAnne or Rosco, Floyd's associate was watching this driving instruction with interest from a bluff over looking them.
I was wonderin' when this fella was gonna show up again.
After Rosco did a successful second run of the crate obstacle course, Pearson went to his car and picked up his CB mike.
"Pearson calling Mr. Floyd."
"Well, Hogg has that new deputy training the Sheriff in a Firebird that has all the police markings on it, but there's nothing in the rules that says he can't have a souped up car."
"I'm aware of that, Pearson, but wouldn't it be a tragedy if that car was damaged before tomorrow's race?"
Pearson smiled. "It would be terrible, Mr. Floyd." He tossed the CB mike into the car, got in and took off.
* * *
"Alright," MaryAnne was saying to Rosco who was seated in the white Firebird, "you're doin’ great. Now let's see how you do against me."
"Yeah. Just like we did a couple of days ago when I wanted to figure out where you needed improvement. Well,” she smiled, “let's see if you have made any improvement."
MaryAnne jogged over to her patrol car and got in. She then signaled to Rosco and they started their race.
After a while Pearson suddenly came off a side road and cut in front of MaryAnne.
"Where the --?" MaryAnne said. She watched as the little beige colored sedan started rear-ending Maverick. She hurridly grabbed up the CB mike.
"Rosco, get out of here, I don't know what this guy is up to but he better think twice about smashing my car."
Rosco responded by pushing on the accelerator and Maverick took off. MaryAnne pulled up beside Pearson and tried to run him off the road but Pearson fought back by slamming into MaryAnne. She loss her grip on the steering wheel and the little
beige car forced the big Plymouth off the road and into a ditch.
She picked up the CB mike. "Rosco, he just knocked me off the road but he might still be after you. Keep him away if you can."
"I'll try," Rosco said.
Back in town, Cooter overheard the whole exchange on the radio. He turned to another channel and picked up the mike.
"Breaker one, breaker one, might be crazy but I ain't dumb, Craaaaaazy Cooter. Any y'all Dukes home on the Hazzard Net? Come on."
Bo and Luke were driving in the General Lee when they heard Cooter's call. Luke picked up the CB.
"Yeah, Cooter, read ya loud and clear. What's up?"
"Hey y'all I just heard MaryAnne on the CB and it sounds like she and Rosco are in trouble. Now I don't know where they are but she was on the police channel saying she'd just gone into a ditch and that someone was chasing after Rosco."
"Alright, Cooter, we'll see if we can find them, thanks a lot."
"If y'all need any help you just hollar."
"That's a big ten-four, Cooter. We're gone." Luke turned the CB to the police channel.
"This is Luke Duke calling MaryAnne Coltrane. Come back."
"Luke! Thank God. Listen, I'm in a ditch on Pond Road. Some pipsqueak just ran me off while trying to get to Rosco."
"Cooter told us. Do you know which way they went?"
"They were headin' towards Highway 6, but they may have gone by the junction to Bog Road."
"Alright, we'll try and give Rosco some help and we'll have Cooter come out and get you out of that ditch."
"Thanks a lot fellas, you're the greatest."
Meanwhile, Rosco wasn't doin’ to bad in fendin' off Floyd's crony.
Pearson was having a difficult time trying to keep up with Maverick. Rosco was also finding out how much he'd learn from MaryAnne.
“Khee! Khee!!” Rosco giggled as he turned the Firebird in different directions evading the little sdean.
When Bo and Luke caught up with the chase they stared in awe at the white police marked Firebird swinging around, being driven by a guy who went through atleast three patrol cars a month.
"Would you look at him go," Bo said.
"Yeah, maybe he doesn't need our help," Luke said.
The sound of gun fire changed that.
"Then again maybe he does," Luke said.
Pearson had become frustrated with trying to smash the car so he pulled out his gun and decided to blow out one of the tires to cause Rosco to crash.
"See if you can cut him off," Luke said, "give Rosco a chance to get away."
Pearson had fired four shots before the General cut in front of him. He abandoned the last two and swung the car around, tearing off in the other direction.
"Gave up quick," Bo said.
"Yeah," Luke said suspiciously. He picked up the CB mike. "Rosco, this is Luke Duke. Whoever that fella is, he's gone. Why don't you head back to where MaryAnne was pushed off the road and we'll meet you there, try and figure out who that guy was."
Cooter had just pulled the patrol car from the ditch when Rosco and the Duke boys came back.
"We lost him," Luke said. "He took a couple of pot shots at Rosco then gave up when we cut him off.” Luke looked at Rosco then at MaryAnne. “You should have seen Rosco! Or is this not Rosco and some long lost twin brother?”
“Of course I’m Rosco,” Rosco said. “There’s only one Roscoooooo P. Coltrane!”
The boys MaryAnne and Cooter chuckled then Luke asked, “Any idea who he might have been?"
"Well, my guess is it’s somebody working for Floyd. I can't think who else would want to wreck my car," MaryAnne said. Cooter walked to her Firebird and checked over the back end.
"Well, it looks all right to me,” he said.
“I have feeling tho’ Floyd may try that again before tomorrow’s race,” MaryAnne said. “I think we should stash Maverick someplace for tonight. Probably in the impound. But before that," she looked at Rosco, "are you interested to find out if you really learned anything?"
"What do you mean?"
"What I mean is, do you feel like racing against the Dukes here?"
"Oh." He giggled. "Yeah!"
She giggled. "Okay. I'm sure Boss is gonna want to see this too, so why don't we all meet at the fairgrounds in say, an hour?"
"We'll be there," Luke said.
"So will I," Cooter said. "This I gotta see."
"Alright then," MaryAnne said. "‘A splendid time is guaranteed for all.’"
* * *
An hour later, everybody met at the fairgrounds. Jesse, Daisy and Enos also were there, along with Boss and Cooter, all of whom were waiting off the side of the track while MaryAnne explained the lay out of the course to Rosco and the boys. The General and Maverick were lined up side by side on the track.
"Okay," MaryAnne said, standing between the two cars. "Twice around the track, out the back parking lot, around the marker, out down the access road 'til you get to the big oak tree, around that, back up the access road, back to the marker in the parking lot and back in here for one more lap. You got that?"
"Yeah," Bo said.
"Yeah, I got it."
"Alright," she said. "Now remember this is just a test race, so it's not who wins it's how you run the race. Okay?"
"Yep," Bo said. Rosco nodded.
"Okay, go ahead, start 'em up."
The General and Maverick turned over at the same time.
"Okay, y'all ready?!"
Gunning engines and thumbs-up from both Bo and Rosco responded.
"Alright," she said and raised both her arms. After a count she dropped her arms and both cars tore off on either side of her leaving behind dust and rubber on the pavement.
MaryAnne turned and watched the two cars fight for the lead. The General took the lead first as they went into the corner. MaryAnne ran over to the others who were waiting in the stands. They watched as the two cars came out of the turn. The General went high on the back stretch and Rosco was right behind. Just before they got to the next turn Rosco went to the inside of the General and went into the turn first.
"Hoowee! Miss MaryAnne, I don't know how you did it, but your sure improved Rosco's driving. Now, you didn't make him good enough to catch them boys did you?"
"No, I didn't," MaryAnne said and smiled. "He'll probably forget everything after the race tomorrow anyway."
Maverick and the General ran a tight two laps before roaring out of the track to the empty back parking lot. Rosco was in the lead.
Everybody had gone up to the upper level of the stands to see the cars race behind the track. As Rosco led the way around the marker and to the access road, Boss said, "MaryAnne, is that really Rosco driving?"
"It sure is."
"I can't believe it," Daisy said. "It's almost like you were driving."
"Well," MaryAnne giggled. "Who taught him?"
Rosco led all the way to the oak tree. The General and Maverick swung around the tree and the General regained the lead, coming off the turn.
"He's good, Luke," Bo said.
"He's gonna have to be to win tomorrow," Luke replied.
The General led back to the marker in the parking lot. Rosco was right on the General's tail as the two cars went around the marker and sprinted to the drive leading into the track. When they got onto the track, the General was still in the lead.
The General led around the track and when they came to the final straight away Rosco pulled up beside the General. The two cars crossed the finish line with the General just slightly ahead of Maverick.
Everyone cheered, even Boss, who was obviously very pleased with the results.
Everyone went down to the track to greet the cars as they came around the track one last time.
After the two cars came to a stop and rounds of congratulations were giving to Rosco, MaryAnne said, "Well, I guess my work here is done. I just hope it all pays off tomorrow."
After a night of royal treatment at the Hazzard County impound, Maverick was primped and prepared by Cooter and then delivered to the startin' line. Now despite the race being the Tri-County Sheriffs race, there were actually five counties participating. Sheriff Ed Little from Chickasaw, Sheriff "Hammerhand" Ramsdale from Choctaw, Sheriff Morris from Hatchapie, good ol' Rosco, and Sheriff Wilson of Rivington County. Now, y'all sit tight, this is gonna be interestin'.
Of all the cars lined up at the starting line, not one was an original patrol car. Instead each county had a souped up car painted in county colors with Sheriff decals added.
"I didn't think any of them would run one of their real patrol cars," MaryAnne said to Rosco who was sitting in Maverick fiddling with the seat belt. Boss was standing by the car as well, smoking a cigar.
Sheriff Ramsdale came up to the passenger window. "Coltrane, you gotta be kiddin' me," he said. "Your driving is so below standard you're going to get the rest of us killed."
"We'll see about that, Hammerhand," Rosco said.
On the other side of Maverick, Sheriff Little came up to Boss and MaryAnne. "You must be kiddin' to think he's even gonna finish the race."
When both Little and Ramsdale had walked away, MaryAnne looked at Rosco and Boss.
"Oh, if they only knew," she said with a giggle.
* * *
"Alright, Pearson, you know what to do," Floyd said. He and Pearson were situated just beyond the Start/Finish area.
Pearson nodded and got into his car. Being hidden from most of the spectators, no one saw Pearson drive away. He drove to a point overlooking part of the course and got out of the car bringing a high-powered rifle with a scope and silencer on it with him.
I sure hope he's plannin' on usin' that to shoot skeet with.
* * *
"Okay," MaryAnne said, handing Rosco his helmet, "this helmet has a built in radio on it, so all you have to do is just talk into the mike."
"Okay," Rosco said and put the helmet on.
"You ready, Flash?" MaryAnne asked the basset hound who was sitting in the passenger seat with her own custom made helmet on.
"Woof!" Flash responded.
"Alright. Good luck, Rosco and we'll see you at the finish line."
"And you better be first," Boss cut in.
"Oh, I will," Rosco said with a trademark snicker, "I will."
MaryAnne and Boss walked over to where Enos and the Dukes were while the announcer announced that the race was about to start.
"Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the First Annual Tri-County Sheriff's Race sponsored by the State Police Association. The winner of this race will receive $10,000 towards their sheriff's department and this coveted trophy."
The crowd cheered.
"Gentlemen, start your engines!"
The roar from five engines drowned out the cheering crowd.
"Here we go," MaryAnne said with a hint of apprehension as she picked up the hand radio.
"Don't worry,MaryAnne, he's gonna do fine," Bo said.
"I don't want him to do fine,Bo, I want him to win," she replied.
The green flag dropped and all five cars were off. Sheriff Morris took the lead followed by Sheriff Little, Rosco, Ramsdale and Wilson.
Not being able to see the whole race, MaryAnne and all the spectators had to rely on the announcer to tell them when positions changed.
"Car number 16 of Hatchapie County is in the lead followed by car number 21 of Chickasaw, car number 44 of Hazzard, car number 36 of Choctaw and car number 28 of Rivington."
"Well, at least he's not last," MaryAnne said.
The announcer was quiet for a while. Sometimes MaryAnne's radio would crackle whenever Rosco talked to Flash. From behind her, MaryAnne over heard a voice that sounded familiar. She turned to look.
She saw H.A. Floyd talking to somebody. He stopped and looked up at her, gave her a curt nod and then resumed his conversation.
MaryAnne turned back around and leaned toward Boss who was standing next to her with his cigar sticking out of his frowned mouth.
"Hey, Boss," she said. She jerked her thumb over her shoulder.
Boss took his cigar out of his mouth and turned to look. He saw Floyd but Floyd didn't see him.
Before Boss could say something, the announcer cut in.
"Car number 44 is attempting to make a move on car 21 for second place."
MaryAnne perked up.
"Car 44 is on the outside of car 21 and they're running even."
"Alright, come on, Rosco you can do it," MaryAnne said but not into the radio.
"Car 44 has passed car 21 and taken second place."
MaryAnne, Boss, Enos and the Dukes all cheered.
"Alright, Rosco, you're doing great," MaryAnne said into the radio.
Rosco responded with a trademark snicker, "I love it, I love it."
No one noticed H.A. Floyd approaching until he spoke.
"Well, Hogg," he said, "looks like your sheriff may have a chance to win after all."
"No thanks to you," MaryAnne said. "Sending one of you cronies to try and wreck our car before the race wasn't exactly a gracious thing to do."
"Ah, Miss Coltrane, I can see you haven't changed a bit. Still looking for invisible moonshiners?"
"They weren't invisible, Mr. Floyd. They were living, breathing and talking beings. The only regret I have about that is we didn't have enough information to nail you."
"Well, perhaps another time, Miss Coltrane, perhaps another time."
"I hope it's soon."
Floyd gave her a sly smile and turned to Boss. "I'll see you at the finish line, Hogg and it will be me collecting all of the winnings." Floyd began to walk away.
"Don't count your chickens before they're hatched, Mr. Floyd," Boss replied in a sing-song voice.
The race continued on and Rosco held on to second place. Sheriff Wilson of Rivington County moved up to third.
From the bluff over looking the course, Pearson saw the cars as they came around the corner. He lined up his sights on the rifle with Maverick and when the all white car was in a clear view he pulled the trigger.
Rosco jumped at the sound of the bullet piercing the windshield. He looked at the hole in the glass with its spider web design. He then looked at Flash, who was okay, and around outside where the bullet came from.
Another bullet pierced the body of the car.
"MaryAnne, we've got trouble."
"Somebody's shootin' at me."
"What?! Shootin' at you?"
"Yeah. But I can't hear them, they must have a silencer or something." Another bullet pierced the back window which shattered in places.
"I hear it," MaryAnne said. "Where are you?"
"On the north side of the course. By the bluffs."
MaryAnne turned to Bo and Luke who were already on their way to the General.
"Alright, Rosco, you just hang on and don't let them hit your tires, you, or Flash."
The boys tore out in the General Lee and were up on the bluffs in no time. They recognized Pearson's car.
"Isn't that the fella who was trying to get Rosco yesterday?" Bo asked.
"Yeah, it is," Luke replied. "I think MaryAnne was right about it being one of Floyd's cronies."
Bo aimed the General straight for Pearson who turned at the sound of the General whistling “Dixie.” The General was coming too fast and Pearson didn't have time to aim the rifle. He dropped it and started running.
"Ha ha!" Bo said.
Bo had no trouble cutting Pearson off, who practically flew over the hood of the car when Bo turned the General to block Pearson.
The boys climbed out of the General and quickly apprehended Pearson. Stuffing him into the General and then returned to the start/finish line area.
After the boys brought Pearson back, MaryAnne informed the race officials and both Pearson and H.A. Floyd were detained on the spot. The Rivington County Sheriff was disqualified from the race and you'll never guess who
The last MaryAnne knew Rosco was still in second place. They could hear the cars as they were coming towards the finish line and she looked to see who was in the lead. What she saw was Rosco suddenly pull out and up beside Sheriff Morris and then
fly past him and cross the finish line first.
"He won!!!" MaryAnne screamed with everyone else cheering with her. "I don't believe it! Yee-haaa!!!
Yup, Rosco P. Coltrane.
Boss was able to collect his $10,000 bet from Floyd before Floyd was taken away.
H.A. Floyd grudgingly handed over $10,000 to Boss Hogg before two troopers took him to a waiting patrol car. Boss chuckled as he thumbed the money.
Rosco was able to collect the $10,000 prize money.
The crowd cheered when Rosco was handed the trophy and $10,000 check. MaryAnne stood next to him holding Flash, who barked approvingly.
And MaryAnne was able to see the $20,000 be put towards the Hazzard County Sheriff's Pension Fund which had been non-existent since the fateful bond election of 1974 when Rosco lost his pension.
Later that afternoon, everyone gathered at the bank to witness Boss putting the $20,000 in the new official Hazzard County Sheriff's pension fund.
MaryAnne always believed that there was more to Rosco losing his pension then just to help pay for two municipal bonds, and the frown on Boss's face as he entered the account in the County Ledger only confirmed it. Rosco, although quite happy to have a pension again, had no intention of retiring any time soon.
Oh, Boss also paid for the repairs to Maverick and a new paint job.
Now, I know what you're wonderin'. Did Rosco's drivin' improvements make him able to catch the Dukes?
A couple of days after the race, Bo and Luke found themselves being chased by Sheriff Rosco. The General made a sharp turn, avoiding the fence that lined the road but poor Rosco failed to negotiate the turn. The patrol car crashed through the fence.
“Doh!!” Rosco exclaimed.
Somethings in Hazzard County you just can't change.