This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any actual resemblance to persons or historical persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
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© Copyright: 1996-2004. Lisa Philbrick
Dukes of Hazzard
Find General Lee
By: Lisa Philbrick
The lone white Plymouth Fury crept out
of the woods and began it's travel back to town. Deputy MaryAnne Coltrane
yawned and shook her head, wondering how she had let herself fall asleep
and why Rosco hadn't been calling on the radio for her.
Friends and neighbors, you wanna talk
about bein' in the right place at the right time? Well, MaryAnne hit
the mark, twice, and helped the Dukes save one of their best friends.
Just before getting to town, MaryAnne spotted
the orange Dodge Charger that belonged to the Dukes. Bo and Luke were
heading out to do some fishing, she could tell. Sticking out the drivers
side window at the back of the car were two fishing poles with bright
colored bobs on them. She smiled and put her hand out the window to
wave to the boys as they passed. They waved back and the General whistled
"Dixie" in the distance.
Now before y'all think that another
Coltrane driving General Lee can't be anything more than pure disaster,
y'all pay attention. It all started when MaryAnne overheard Boss Hogg
and Rosco talkin' in Boss's office. Y'all know MaryAnne don't like
it when Rosco's up to something crooked and friends, this time was
MaryAnne stepped into the booking room with
Bandit, her German Shepherd. The dog went to his usual spot on the
floor, just below the front windows and settled down. MaryAnne took
her deputy's hat off and placed it down on the bench that was
below the booking desk. Seated on the bench, keeping guard over the Sheriff's station was Flash.
"Hey sweetie," MaryAnne said, giving Flash
a pat on the head.
"Oh Rosco will you use that brain of yours
for something other than a paper weight!" Boss exclaimed.
"Well..." Rosco said.
MaryAnne turned her head slightly towards
Boss's office door, which was half way open. Quietly, she stepped towards
"We've already got a car that they can use,"
Boss continued, placing his cigar in his ashtray.
Boss nodded and then smiled like the Cheshire
cat. "The General Lee."
"But Boss, we don't own General Lee. See,
them Dukes do and I don't think they'd be to particular on this."
"Oh Rosco! Peabrain, think about it! We
WILL own that orange clunker car when you give them Duke boys a speedin'
ticket and they DON'T pay it."
Rosco paused, letting it sink in.
"Oooh! They forfeit the General!" he exclaimed.
"Ooo khee khee!"
"Only you ain't gonna do it yet."
"No, on account of them fellas don't need
the car until Friday." Boss shook his head. "I don't want to have to
hang on to that infernal thing for too long. Them Dukes will mess up
everything if they try to get the car back."
"How could they mess it up?"
"Well, by paying for the speedin' ticket!
The less amount of time they have to get the money, the better."
Rosco nodded in agreement.
Outside the door, MaryAnne rolled her eyes.
She shook her head, wondering what the magic spell was to stop Boss
and Rosco from all their old tricks. She turned back towards the booking
room and walked to the booking desk. Boss and Rosco were still talking
but MaryAnne just didn't want to listen anymore. So she blocked them
out and concentrated on sorting through the wanted posters, checking
the supply list and figuring the patrol schedule for the following
Well, MaryAnne seems to be handling
it pretty well. Y'all should have seen her when she first learned that
Rosco wasn't as honest a lawman as he once was. Mmm, not a pretty sight.
A few moments later, Enos came into the
booking room. He took a moment to greet the puppies and then looked
MaryAnne looked up from her work. "Hi, Enos,"
she said with a sigh.
Enos raised an eye brow, detecting something
was wrong. "What's the matter?" he asked.
MaryAnne's shoulders slumped a bit and she
placed her pen down. "That dang cousin of mine is in there with Boss
plotting yet another dirty trick against them Dukes."
"Oh," Enos said. He took off his deputy's
hat and stepped up to the holding area. He sighed sympathetically an
said, "They've been doin' that for years, MaryAnne."
"Yeah, I know." MaryAnne propped her elbow on the desktop and dropped her chin into the palm of her hand. "It just drive me nuts. I wish there was someway I could get Rosco to turn back to the law man he was. I mean, you remember what he used to be like. Don't you wish he'd go back to that?"
Enos nodded. "Sheriff Rosco was one of
the best in the state."
"Exactly. What is he now? The most crooked?
The most dishonest? The WORST Sheriff in the state??" MaryAnne shook
her head. "I don't know who to blame more, Boss or Rosco." The
two officers were quiet for a moment. Then MaryAnne looked at Enos.
"Well, you don't need to heard about all that," she said. "You wanna
take a look at this patrol schedule?" MaryAnne handed the sheet to
Enos as Rosco came out of Boss's office.
The Sheriff approached his two deputies.
Enos looked at Rosco.
"Hi, Enos. MaryAnne."
MaryAnne completely ignored her cousin.
After Enos finished looking at the schedule he handed it back to MaryAnne.
"That schedule's fine with me," he said.
MaryAnne nodded. "Alright."
"Is that the patrol schedule?" Rosco asked.
MaryAnne only responded by handing him the
sheet. She didn't even look at Rosco and picked up the supply order
list and went to the clipboards that were hanging behind the desk next
to the holding cell.
Rosco looked at Enos. The deputy only shrugged,
knowing it wasn't his place to get involved and tell Rosco what was
Friends and neighbors, that's about
the most conversation Rosco and MaryAnne had for awhile. And ol' Rosco
didn't have much luck later when he tried to talk to MaryAnne before
she left to go work at the Boar's Nest. But, at least she actually
talked to him then.
MaryAnne came out of the courthouse, dressed
in dark green short shorts and a dark green, dark blue and white plaid
shirt. She had her deputy's uniform on a hanger and wrapped in plastic
and she walked to Maverick, who was parked up the street towards the
When she got to the car, she had no more
than hung the uniform on the hook in the back of the Firebird when
Rosco came out of the courthouse.
"MaryAnne?" he called as he hurried towards
her before she could get into the car.MaryAnne
stopped and slightly turned to Rosco as he came up to her.
"What the heck has gotten into you?" he
asked. "I'm beginning to wonder if you've suddenly stopped acknowledging
MaryAnne faced him in a shot. "Considerin'
what I overheard today, you're lucky I'm talkin' to you right now!"
"What do you mean?"
"I overheard you and Boss talkin' about
stealing a certain orange car."
Rosco's jaw dropped a bit. "Oh," he said.
MaryAnne watched him drop his gaze. "Yeah,"
she said. "Oh." She turned and got into Maverick, not giving Rosco
a chance to explain.
"MaryAnne, wait--" but whatever Rosco had
to say was drowned out by Maverick's 8 cylinder engine turning over.
The blue Firebird drove off out of town.
* * *
MaryAnne stood with pad of paper and a pencil in hand by the table where Bo and Luke Duke were seated. They were locked in an arm wrestling match and she looked back and forth between the two boys, smiling.
"Um, is this to decide who's going to order
or who's going to pay?"
"Nope," Bo replied through gritted teeth.
MaryAnne watched them for a moment more.
Their arms were dead center.
"Well, now," she said and fluttered her
eye lashes. "One of y'all ain't tryin' to impress me are ya? You know
I just couldn't stand to see two handsome fellas like yourselves fightin'
over little ol' me." She giggled.
The boys both chuckled as well and Luke's
arm went down a little bit, but he stopped it and fought back.
"No," Luke said. "We're trying to decide
who's gonna drive the General in the Choctaw Classic on Saturday."
"You boys are back on the dirt track circuit?
Whatever for, especially after bein' on the NASCAR circuit?"
"Because we need money," Bo said. "Like
the $500 prize, so Uncle Jesse can get the new starter for the tractor
and pay the mortgage to Boss Hogg."
"Oh," MaryAnne said and nodded. "I can understand
that." She watched the boys continue their battle, but her gaze was
a bit out of focus.
MaryAnne's thinkin' about what she
overheard earlier. Ol' Boss would get himself a double whammy with
takin' General Lee AND preventing Jesse from makin' the mortgage payment,
thus gettin' the Duke farm. Hmmm...
MaryAnne snapped out of her stare in time
to watch Bo's arm go down to the table.
"Ah!" Bo exclaimed and then looked at his
cousin and laughed.
"We have a winner!" MaryAnne exclaimed with
a giggle. "Y'all want beer now?"
"Yeah," Luke said. "Thanks, MaryAnne."
"Sure thing." MaryAnne walked back to the
bar to get the beers.
Bo chuckled. "Can you imagine us, fightin'
"Why not? She's a pretty girl."
"Well, sure. But I'm thinkin' of what ol'
Rosco would do!"
Luke snickered. "Probably put us under the
MaryAnne returned a moment later with the
"Here ya go, fellas," she said, placing
a mug down in front of each Duke boy.
"Thank ya," Bo said.
MaryAnne watched the boys pick up their
mugs and sip the beer.
"Wow," Luke said, "that's good and cold."
"Well, I don't know about good, but it is
cold," MaryAnne said. "Daisy and I tinkered around with the thermostats
on the kegs after getting too many customers complaining about how
warm the beer was."
The boys chuckled.
"Do you think you could tinker with the
taste?" Bo asked.
"That was my next project. I'll let ya know if I'm successful." She have the boys a wink and headed off to take other orders.
Remember what I said about MaryAnne
being in the right place at the right time twice? Well, the second
time's comin' up.
Ya see, when you're at a place like
the Boar's Nest you may want to be careful about who and what you talk
about, because you don't know who may be listenin'.
And if you start talkin' about Sheriff
Rosco P. Coltrane, well, his cousin may be listenin'. Despite bein'
madder than a wet hen at him for what she heard earlier, MaryAnne still
wouldn't want to let something happen to her cousin.
MaryAnne walked from the bar towards the
booths on the back wall, opposite the entrance. She smiled as she delivered
the beers and as she placed each mug down, she caught a bit of the
conversation at the next booth, clearly recognizing the word 'sheriff'
and not liking how it was being spoken.
"Are you serious?" the man who was facing
towards MaryAnne said.
The other man nodded. "After we get the
car, Boss Hogg and the Sheriff are gonna disappear. Permanently."
"I dunno, man. What difference is it gonna
make if we bump off them two? Why don't we just get the car and take
"Because Hogg would turn around and sic
that Sheriff on us. He's done it before."
MaryAnne placed down her last beer and made
her departure from the booth.
"That's why they have to be silenced. For
good," the man finished just before MaryAnne got out of earshot.
MaryAnne returned back behind the bar and
put he tray down below the bar. The tray dropped with a clatter, a
little louder than the noise MaryAnne usually made, which prompted
Daisy to look at the young Coltrane woman.
MaryAnne saw her out of the corner of her
eye and tried to recover as much as she could.
"Ooops," she said, looking at Daisy and
giving a smile to disguise her distress. "Didn't mean to drop it like
that." MaryAnne then noticed the big popcorn bag was getting low, giving
her a good excuse to go to the store room and pull herself together.
"I'll be right back, Daisy. I'm gonna get some more popcorn," she said as she walked fast around the bar and scurried over to the store room's doors. Once she disappeared inside, MaryAnne stopped and covered her mouth with her hand.
"I don't believe this," she whispered, slowly
dropping her hand. "All this over a car!" She paused a moment, thinking
of all that was relying on that 16-year-old car.
MaryAnne realized that if Boss got
the General, the boys wouldn't make that race and wouldn't win the
money, meanin' Jesse would probably miss the mortgage payment and lose
the farm to Boss. But before all of that, ol' Boss and Rosco wouldn't
even be around to foreclose on Jesse.
MaryAnne walked to the door that led to
the outside of the Nest, where the dumpster was located. She stepped
to the edge of the building and looked to the parking lot, spotting
General Lee. She looked at the car for a long moment. A string of thoughts
ran through her mind and in barely a whisper she heard her lips form
"If that car were to disappear..."
MaryAnne looked off into the sky, the shuck
and jive plan coming together in her mind. She wasn't going to let
the Dukes lose their car, or their farm and she certainly wasn't going
to let Rosco and Boss loose their lives. With a smile, she ducked back
into the Boar's Nest.
* * *
When MaryAnne got off work from the Boar's Nest, she headed home to find Rosco was already there.
What's he doin' home now, I wonder?
MaryAnne looked at his patrol car as she let Bandit out of the Firebird.
She then grabbed her purse and uniform and walked with Bandit to the
house. Once inside, MaryAnne could smell chicken cooking. Bandit trotted
off to the living room to join Flash, and MaryAnne put her things down
on the bottom stair step and walked to the kitchen.
Rosco heard MaryAnne's high heeled sandals
on the floor as she came down the hall. He turned to the doorway an
apologetic look already on his face.
MaryAnne stopped at the door way and looked
at him for a moment. "You're cookin' dinner?" she asked as she came
in. She saw there were two salad bowls on the counter as well.
"Why not? It's not like I ain't never done
"True, but it's not your night to cook.
It's mine." She took a moment to smell the aroma. "Whatchya cooking?"
"Chicken pot pie."
"Chicken pot pie?" That was one of MaryAnne's favorites, which prompted her to realize what he was really up to.
"Wait a minute," she said. "You never cook
chicken pot pie because you don't like the way it comes out when you
do. You like mine better."
"I know. But it's your favorite supper ain't
"Yeah, it is. Which means that all of this
can only mean one thing."
"You're trying to apologize for something."
Rosco paused a moment, his apologetic look
coming back. "Yeah, I am," he said. "MaryAnne, I'm sorry you heard
what you heard today."
"Are ya sorry enough that you and Boss ain't
gonna go through with it?"
"Uhh..." Rosco cringed.
"Oh Rosco." MaryAnne rolled her eyes.
"Well? MaryAnne, you know I can't stop nothin'
the Boss wants to do. I mean, if he says 'Jump' I say 'How high?' Not,
'Can I think about it and I'll get back to you.'"
Rosco shook his head. "I wish you had never
heard it," he said.
"Rosco, you know I don't like you bein'
this kind of law man. I haven't ever since that day I found out. You
do remember that day, don't you?"
"Yeah. I had pretty much figured that I
was gonna have to turn the other cheek, pretend that I didn't know
what was going on. But now, Rosco, I'm gonna have hard time living
in the same house with you if I overhear more stuff like this. And
why is it always them Dukes? They're just hard workin', honest
folks. Can't you leave them alone for like a month or two, maybe?"
"What? No hot pursuit? Hmm..I dunno.."
"I don't mean that. Heck, you never catch
'em when you chase after them anyway so that'll never change. What
I mean is with Boss and his plans to try to take something away from
them all the time, like their farm. Or General Lee."
"But Boss Hogg--"
"Yeah, I know all about Boss Hogg," MaryAnne
said, cutting him off. The two were silent for a spell and then MaryAnne
sighed. "It ain't gonna make no difference anyway because I ain't gonna
be here on Friday."
Rosco looked at her, surprised. "You ain't?
Where ya gonna be?"
"Finchburg County. I figure it's about time
I go back and visit some folks, and the timing couldn't be better,
because I DO NOT want to be around when you're pulling this shuck and
jive on the Dukes. I don't want to watch it and I don't want to be
a part of it either."
Ol' Rosco's kinda lookin' like a school
kid bein' scolded by a teacher, don't he?
Rosco hesitated a bit. "MaryAnne, I'm--"
"Sorry?" She eyed her cousin for a
moment and then nodded. "Yeah, I know, Rosco." She then glanced at
the food on the counter. "Come on, let's eat. We'll just forget the
whole thing." She picked up the two salad bowls and looked at Rosco
"For now." She then walked out to the dining room.
The thing with MaryAnne livin' in
Hazzard now is that Rosco has to be careful of what he does. He knows
that all the things he's done over the years to the Dukes ain't exactly
the traits of an honest lawman, but before he never had somebody around
to remind him of the days of that younger law man, and what he possibly
threw away when he threw out the law book. So, for what would no be
the last time, Rosco found himself torn between two sides of the law
and at a crossroads he would have to come to again and again.
MaryAnne's attitude towards Rosco
the following day was cool and reserved, which he kind of expected.
But what he didn't know was that MaryAnne wasn't necessarily mad at
him anymore. She was scared for his life.
Thursday afternoon, Rosco cut short his
patrol and drove home to see if MaryAnne was really serious about going
She was. Just as he pulled into the drive
he saw her putting a small suitcase into the back seat of Maverick.
She stopped and looked at him as he got out of his patrol car and approached
"You really are goin'?" he asked.
"Yes. Rosco, I told you that yesterday."
"Yeah, I know. But, I thought maybe you
"Nope. I wasn't." She turned to get into
Maverick. "See ya Saturday."
Rosco put his hand on her shoulder. MaryAnne
stopped and looked at him.
"Rosco, if you're gonna apologize again--"
"No, I know you don't want to hear it. But
can you at least tell me where you're gonna be?"
"Um...Finchburg County. I don't know where
specifically. I may or may not stay at the inn." She looked at him,
waiting to see if that answer was good enough.
It wasn't, but Rosco knew not to push the
issue. He nodded and let MaryAnne get into her car. He said nothing
to her and stepped back as Maverick started to back up. MaryAnne glanced
at her cousin and saw his apologetic expression but he wasn't looking
at her. She felt bad seeing him that way, especially since she knew
his life was in danger and she couldn't tell him. She backed Maverick
to the road and then slowly drove away.
Y'all probably wonderin' why MaryAnne
don't just tell Rosco what she overheard at the Boar's Nest. Thing
was, if she did and Boss an' Rosco didn't go through with gettin' the
General, MaryAnne was worried that those two fellas would try to exact
some kind of revenge and Rosco would still be in danger.
MaryAnne drove Maverick way out to the country
and parked him down in a wide ditch that was shielded from view of
the road by several trees and bushes. MaryAnne opened up the small
suitcase and pulled out the black velvet hand bag that she still had
from the Policeman's Ball she attended when she was in Atlanta. She
then got out of Maverick and walked down the road, her destination:
The Duke farm.
* * *
"Anything excitin' happen to you today, Daisy?" Bo asked, as Daisy placed the dinner plates out on the table.
"Nothing more than usual," Daisy said with a smile. "There were a couple of fellas hangin' around Boss's office today tho'."
"What else is new?" Luke asked.
Bo laughed. "Yeah, really."
"I guess we better be on the look out tho'," Luke said. "There's never any tellin' what Boss may be up to."
* * *
MaryAnne waited until the last light went out and for ten minutes before quietly stepping towards General Lee. The Dodge was parked in front of the barn, the nose facing the drive that was directly opposite of the farm house. MaryAnne climbed into the car and sat in thought for a moment. She tried to figure whether she should hot wire the General now or if she should attempt to push the car to the drive and then hot wire it out of the yard. The only trouble with that was with the General's doors welded shut, MaryAnne would have had a hard time jumping into the car after giving it it's initial push. And with the General's glass pack exhaust, everyone in the farm house would wake up as soon as the engine turned over.
"Ding dang it," MaryAnne muttered. She then
just shook her head, not caring who heard the General start up and
went about hot wiring him. She pulled her little flashlight out of
her bag and a screwdriver and went to work. When she finished, she
shined the light from the flashlight over her work. Content that was
she did was correct, she held her breath and turned the ignition. The
General turned over instantly. MaryAnne didn't waste time on a victory
celebration and quickly put the car in gear and drove out of the yard.
Luke opened one eye when in his sleep he heard the familiar roar of the General. He thought he was dreaming but he could still hear it even after becoming fully awake.
He sat up suddenly, getting an awful feeling in his stomach.
"Bo, wake up!" he exclaimed as he leapt
out of bed.
"I think somebody just stole the General.
As Bo stumbled out of his bed, Luke grabbed
his blue and white flannel shirt and ran out of the bed room. He thundered
out through the kitchen and ran onto the porch, hitting the light switch
as he did. He looked into the yard that was barely lit by the porch
light and saw the General was gone.
Bo came running up behind him.
"Gone," Luke said.
"Who the heck would steal the General in
the dark of night?" Bo wondered.
Luke turned to his cousin. With a disgusted
look on his face he said, "I can think of one person, but Boss usually
just rips us off in broad daylight." Luke then turned and went back
into the farm house.
Bo sighed, agreeing with his cousin's statement
and knowing they were going to be making a trip to town in the morning.
Well, the Dukes think Boss has the
General, which he don't. Ain't he in for a surprise in the mornin'?
The next morning Rosco knocked on Boss's
office door. He didn't wait for Boss to answer and went ahead and opened
"Uh, Boss, the Dukes are here."
Rosco dropped his voice a bit. "They say somebody stole the General Lee last night."
Boss and Rosco looked at each other, knowing
it wasn't either one of them but wondering if it maybe have been the
two guys Boss was supposed to have got the car for. Before either one
could say anything, Rosco found himself being forced into Boss's office
as Bo and Luke made their presence known to Boss.
"Jit jit," Rosco said as he stumbled to
get his footing.
"Alright, Boss," Bo said. "What did you
do with General Lee?"
"I don't know what you boys are talkin'
about! And how dare you go pushin' poor Rosco out of the way to come
bargin' in here."
"Sorry, Rosco," Luke said and then narrowed
his eyes to Boss. "Somebody stole General Lee last night, right out
of our yard. Now if you're tryin' to come up with someway for Uncle
Jesse to miss the mortgage payment you can forget it, because we ain't
gonna miss that payment."
"I ain't got that orange clunker car of
yours," Boss said, finding himself speaking the truth for once in his
life. "And I certainly don't need you two bargin' in here this early
in the morning and accusin' me of such foolishness!"
"Yeah," Rosco said. "Believe me fellas,
he ain't got it."
"Well, I hope you're right, Rosco," Luke
said. "Because I've about had it with you, Boss." He then turned and
headed for the door. Bo gave both Boss and Rosco one last disapproving
look and followed out after Luke.
Boss scurried over to the office door and
waited for Bo and Luke to leave the booking room before he closed the
door. He then turned back to Rosco.
"You don't think them two fellas took the
General do you?" Rosco asked.
"Well if they did, they weren't supposed to. I mean, if we ain't got that car and the Dukes ain't got it, who does?"
Rosco shrugged. "I don't know, I ain't got
the answer for everything."
Boss glared at him. "You ain't got the answers
for nothin'! Now git out there and find General Lee!!"
"I'm gone!" Rosco took off out of Boss's
office, picking up Flash on his way out through the booking room. Boss
sat back down at his desk and picked up his cigar.
Well, Boss thinks them two fellas
have the General. Looks like he's in for another surprise huh?
MaryAnne was sitting in General Lee, parked
under the old Garrison Road bridge. She heard the boys report to Jesse
and Daisy that Boss 'apparently' didn't have the General. When the
transmission ended, MaryAnne flipped to the police channel.
"...stole General Lee??" Enos squeaked.
"Yes, Enos," Rosco replied the irritation
clear in his voice. "Just keep your eye out for it, okay? If you see
it, call me! Don't go near it or nothin', you understand?"
"Yes, sir. But shouldn't we let Bo and Luke
know when we've found it?"
"Enos! We'll let them know when it's time
to let them know, you dipstick! Just do as I tell you alright? I'm
MaryAnne chuckled. She then flipped the
CB channel and heard the Dukes and Cooter talking about looking for
the General. She then flipped it back to the police channel and the
CB stayed quiet for almost an hour, until Boss broke in.
"This is J.D. Hogg callin' Sheriff Rosco
P. Coltrane. Have you found the Gen--uh, that vehicle yet? Over."
"You mean the General Lee?" Rosco blurted.
"Rosco! Will you hush!"
"Well Boss it don't make no difference.
We ain't got the car."
"Rosco, just shut up and answer my question!"
"No, we ain't found it!"
"Well then keep looking. And KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!!"
Boss put the mike down, shaking his head.
Suddenly, his office door opened and the two men who were supposed
to get the General Lee from Boss came in.
"Okay, Hogg, where's our car?" the tall
"I ain't got it," Boss said as he stood
up. "To be honest, I thought you boys had it already."
"How could we have it already? You were
supposed to get it for us."
"I know, but somebody done stole the car
I was gonna git for ya."
"Well, we ain't got it." The man's eye's
narrowed. "If you're trying to pull something--"
"No, no! I ain't! I swear it. Look, I've
got Rosco and his deputy out there right now looking for it."
"Well then, we'll just go give him a hand."
The man turned and walked out of Boss's office with his partner following.
Boss let out a sigh, taking a moment to
catch his breath having thought the two wouldn't have taken the news
of the General being stolen so easily. Suddenly his brown eyes widened
and he grabbed up the CB mike.
"Rosco, you got your ears on?"
"Right here little fat buddy."
"Oh Rosco, never mind that little fat buddy
stuff. Listen, them two--uh, traveling salesmen are looking for you
and um...that vehicle."
"Traveling salesmen? Boss, I ain't got no
money to spend on nothin'."
Rosco paused, wondering what he had goofed
on now. Then it suddenly hit him. "Oh! You mean them two fellas who
were supposed have the Gen--uh, that vee-hicle."
"Right. Listen, their headin' out to give
you hand FINDING it."
"Well shoot, Boss I don't need no help finding
General Lee. I know what it looks like."
"ROSCO!! You pea brain! Just hush! Argh..."
Boss let out a frustrated sigh and tossed the CB mike on his desk.
MaryAnne, meanwhile, was laughing loud and
"Oh man. Don't know why I get so mad at
him. He messes everything up anyway."
She leaned forward and changed the CB channel
back to the Dukes.
"Uncle Jesse, how you doing?" Luke asked.
"Haven't seen a thing, Luke."
"Same here," Cooter piped in. "Listen y'all,
I'm gonna head over to Willow Creek. I think there's a few spots around
there to hide a car like the General."
"Ten-four, Cooter," Luke replied. "Me and
Bo are gonna head up towards Stone Canyon."
MaryAnne smiled mischievously and turned
in her seat slightly to look on the back floor of the General. She
spotted one of the boy's orange racing helmets with the black visor
and she picked it up. She put the helmet on and after adjusting the
chin strap she started the General and drove off down the road.
Hang on to your hats friends and neighbors,
cuz I know y'all know what's gonna happen when everyone sees that car.
AND sees that nobody they thought had it was driving it.
Daisy's Jeep, Dixie, was cruising along
towards Stone Canyon at a brisk pace. Luke was at the wheel and both
he and Bo were scanning the country side for any sign of the General.
"I don't know, Luke, I'm starting to feel
like we're lookin' for a needle in a haystack," Bo said as he turned
his line of sight back to the road.
"Yeah, only it's a bright orange colored
Bo paused staring at the car that came out
on to the same road they were on, several hundred yards ahead of them.
The car was traveling towards them and it wasn't long before Bo recognized
"You mean like the one headin' towards us?!"
Luke saw it too. "Holy smokes!"
MaryAnne saw the Jeep and she kept the General
on a straight run to it, then cut to the other side of the road and
with "Dixie" horn blaring, went flying past the Jeep.
"Let's go get 'em cousin!" Bo exclaimed.
Luke responded by swinging the Jeep around, tipping it slightly as the off road tires caught too much grip with the dirt road. Earth and dust flew out from under the back tires as the Jeep tore off after the General.
Bo picked up the CB mike. "Cooter? Uncle
Jesse, Daisy? Listen up y'all, me and Luke is after General Lee right
now! We're on Stone Canyon Road heading towards Route 17. We could
use all the help we get here."
"Ten-four y'all, I'm on my way!" Cooter
"So are we, Bo," Daisy said.
MaryAnne glanced in the General's rearview
mirror, making sure to not let the Jeep get too far behind her. She
led the boys on the chase and after a couple of miles, spotted Jesse
Duke's Ford truck coming down one of the side roads. The General and
Jeep went by and the truck followed out after.
Bo saw his uncle and cousin come out on
to the road behind the Jeep. He then picked up the CB mike. "It's up
to you, Cooter. Can you block the road up head of us maybe? We just
passed Bog Road."
"That's an affirmative, y'all."
MaryAnne had flipped the General's CB back
to the police channel so she didn't hear about the upcoming road block.
She took the General through the turn, the back end swinging to one
side and then the other before the car finally straightened. But just
ahead of her was Cooter's blue and white tow truck turned across the
road and the mechanic giving her the dirtiest look she'd ever seen
"Cooter!!" MaryAnne exclaimed, certainly
not wanting a road block and having only a few seconds to figure how
to get around it. She gripped the steering wheel.
"General, please help me. You know I did
what I did to help you and them boys." She aimed the General at the
dip that was on the right side of the road and stepped on the accelerator.
Now, you do all remember what happened
when Rosco tried to jump General Lee in the middle of a road like this
don't you? I don't know about y'all, but I'm prayin' for MaryAnne right
General Lee hit the dip and the front end
shot up into the air. The car leapt off the ground and sailed over
the tow chains on the back of Cooter's truck. Cooter looked up at the
car and saw the driver was wearing one of the boy's racing helmets,
shielding their identity. The General cleared the tow truck and Cooter
turned to watch out the passenger window as the car landed.
Luke brought the Jeep to a stop to avoid
colliding with the tow truck. Jesse brought his pick up to a stop as
MaryAnne kept driving for a bit but when
she saw that the tow truck nor any of the other vehicles were coming
after her, she stopped the General and waited.
"Hey, hey check it out," Cooter said after
the boys had got out of the Jeep and walked over to the truck. They
looked up the road and saw the General just sitting in the middle of
"What the devil is he doing?" Luke wondered.
All the Dukes were standing by the hood of Cooter's truck, watching
And MaryAnne was watching them.
"Maybe they got hurt when they landed?"
"Well, let's go see," Luke said. He and
Bo walked around Cooter's truck and started to approach the General.
"You boys be careful," Jesse called.
Luke waved his hand in the air, acknowledging
that they had heard. He and Bo marched on to the General, where MaryAnne
was carefully watching them. She let them come within a few feet of
the General before she pushed down on the accelerator and the General
sped forward a bit.
The boys stopped, thinking the car was going
to take off. MaryAnne let the car roll a few feet before stopping again.
The boys looked at each other and then suddenly Luke started running
to the General. MaryAnne slammed the accelerator and the General kicked
back dirt at Luke, who ran through the cloud of dust and then stopped
when the Charger got away from him.
"Ding dang it!" Luke exclaimed, coughing.
Cooter had seen enough when he saw the General
stop again. This teasing game was getting annoying so he started his
tow truck and swung around and went after the General.
"Get your Jeep, Daisy and pick up the boys!"
Jesse said over the roar of the truck. Bo and Luke stood and watched
as the blue and white tow truck went speeding past them and after the
General, which now took off.
"Finally!" MaryAnne said as she stepped
on the accelerator. "Thaaaaank youuuuu, Cooter!"
Daisy slowed her Jeep down enough for the
boys to jump aboard and then continued on down the road, with Jesse
right behind them.
Now this has got to be the most unique
car chase Hazzard's ever seen. But then again, nobody ever said life
in Hazzard was without it's variety. But the chase was on again, yet
MaryAnne still had a couple more cars to add to her parade, that of
Rosco and Enos.
Enos was intently looking around the country
side when he spotted a cloud of dust up on the ridge. He slowed down
and watched, spotting the familiar orange paint job between the trees
"General Lee!" he exclaimed. He watched
as the parade of cars came down the hill and out on to the road just
ahead of him. The deputy picked up his radio mike. "This is Enos calling
the Sheriff. I found General Lee! And so did the Dukes!"
Rosco looked at his radio. "Oooh," he said
and picked up the mike. "Where are you, Enos? Come back."
"I'm on Route 17, headin' towards town."
"Well, stay after 'em Enos! I'm on my way!"
Rosco dropped the receiver on the seat beside him and swung the patrol
MaryAnne smiled underneath the visor when
she heard the two officers on the radio. She kept her foot on the accelerator
of the General and kept on heading to town.
Rosco managed to catch up to the parade
of cars and came out on to Route 17, ahead of MaryAnne and the General.
The General was too close behind for Rosco to swing his patrol car
sideways and block the road. Unless maybe he wanted to be T-boned.
"What the heck are Rosco and Enos doing?"
"Maybe they're helping us," Luke replied.
"Well, Enos sure. But Rosco?" Bo said.
The Dukes watched as General Lee kept trying
to pass the Plymouth. Rosco was doing pretty good at slowing MaryAnne
up. As much as MaryAnne wanted everyone to follow her to town, she
didn't want to get caught.
"This is ain't no time to be parkin', Rosco!"
MaryAnne cut the General to one side, then to the other trying to get
the jump on Rosco and get past him. But the Sheriff was holding his
cousin off pretty well, leaving MaryAnne to have to resort to drastic
MaryAnne lined the General up directly behind
Rosco. After they came out of the turn in the road, she floored the
"Doh-ho!" Rosco exclaimed when the patrol
car was suddenly pushed. The Plymouth pulled to the left side a bit,
leaving just enough room for MaryAnne to snake the General around on
the right. Rosco glanced out the passenger window as the driver of
the General came into view.
He saw they were wearing the orange racing
helmet with the black visor, which was down and making any identification
nearly impossible. The driver, however, turned their head toward Rosco
and waved a hand before pulling ahead of the patrol car. A hand, Rosco
noticed, that looked very feminine.
Rosco watched as the General took off down
the road ahead of him, a little shocked at the driver having waved
That little wave is gonna start the
gears turning in Rosco's head and he's gonna start thinkin' that a
certain somebody's got the General. The only reason you can't see the
gears spinnin' now is because they're so small, and tho' Rosco don't
suspect MaryAnne yet, he will soon enough.
Just before the parade of cars got into
town, the two would be recipients of General Lee caught up. MaryAnne
didn't recognize the car but figured it was them. Which was perfect
"Goody goody gum drops! Now everybody
can see ya General!"
Boss was sitting in his office when he heard
the familiar automobile battle cry of General Lee. He sprung up from
his chair and went over to his open window in time to see the General
go flying by followed by Cooter, Rosco, the Dukes and Enos. Boss also
recognized the car of his two business associates.
"What the devil is goin' on?" Boss wondered
aloud. He hurried away from the window and ran out of his office and
through the booking room. He came out on to the courthouse steps in
time to see the General come around again. The Dodge squealed on to
Main St. while Rosco and Enos cut down past the bank to swing around
the back of the courthouse and maybe block the General from making
another pass. The Dukes, Cooter and the two crooks continued after
Before General Lee finished coming around
the turn, MaryAnne was looking up the road. She saw Rosco and Enos
come around the courthouse, Enos turning his patrol car to block the
road that went to Cooter's while Rosco turned in front of the courthouse
and blocked that road.
"Oh Rosco, what didja go an' do that for?"
MaryAnne exclaimed. She had no room to get by Enos, and only half a
car width to get by Rosco. The worse she was going to have to do was
push her cousin out of the way.
"Uh, General? Go easy on ol' Rosco. He is
my cousin after all!"
General Lee seemed to have a different idea
in mind. MaryAnne misjudged her distance from the curb as she headed
towards the front of Rosco's patrol car that faced the square. She
felt the bump as the right side of the car hit the granite walk and
she found herself tipped to the left side, riding on two wheels.
"Doh! General!" MaryAnne exclaimed.
Rosco watched in awe as the General started
to go by him, showing Rebel flag in full view.
Friends and neighbors, if the General
tips too far, MaryAnne's gonna have a lot of explaining to do!
"Jit jit!" Rosco exclaimed and then held
his breath waiting for the car to pass. It did without incident, and
left Rosco enough time to catch his breath before Cooter's tow truck
came to a squealing stop mere inches from the fender of the patrol
MaryAnne was still up on two wheels.
"Down General! Down! Four wheels, please!!"
MaryAnne lightly hit the brake and turned
the wheel opposite the way the General was tipped. The car wobbled
and finally slammed back down to all fours. MaryAnne glanced at the
collection of cars that were on the other side of Rosco's patrol car.
She figured everyone had seen enough, so she floored the accelerator
and tore out of the square.
"Ah!" Boss exclaimed and then ran over to
Rosco's patrol car just as the Sheriff was stepping out. "Rosco, you
doe-doe! You were supposed to stop that car!"
"Well, what do you think I was trying to
do! Did you see that?! They had it right up on two wheels! Just like
them Dukes sometimes do. I thought it was gonna tip onto the hood of
my patrol. Big orange hood ornament."
"It probably was one of them Dukes!"
Rosco shook his head. "No. They're all right
there. And so is Cooter." Rosco looked over at the Dukes and Cooter.
"And there's them two you were gonna give the General too."
"Rosco hush," Boss hissed, grabbing Rosco
by the arm. The Dukes saw the two strangers and were about to approach
Boss when the two men did.
"Not cute, Hogg."
"Listen fellas, I don't know what's going
on. I don't know who got that car!"
"Well, you better find out and get that
car back. OR ELSE!" The man jabbed his index finger into Boss's shoulder
as he spoke his last words. Both men then turned and walked back to
"Oooh, I think they're serious, Boss," Rosco
"You think huh? Well, I think you should
THINK a little harder and figure out how you're gonna get that orange
clunker car back!"
"Me?! Why's it always gotta be me?"
"Cuz you're the Sheriff!"
"Alright, now get this car of yours out
of the road here..."
Rosco got back into his patrol and turned
it to park it across from the courthouse. The Dukes and Cooter, meanwhile,
had gathered around Daisy's Jeep. They had seen the two men approach
Boss and the Boss and Rosco have their hushed conference. Now,
they watched as the Sheriff disappeared into the courthouse.
"That tears it," Jesse said. "We ain't no
closer to figurin' out who took the General than we were this morning."
"Well, we know Boss doesn't have it," Luke
said. "Or do them two fellas."
"Yeah, but who does have General Lee?" Daisy
asked. "And what was the point with this run around?"
"I don't know," Luke said, "but we gotta
find the General and get him back before Boss or them other two do."
"Yeah," Daisy agreed.
"Amen to that," Cooter said. "You can bet
I'll continue to be on the look out too."
"We appreciate that Cooter," Bo said.
"Alright," Jesse said. "Bo, Luke, why don't
you take Daisy's Jeep here and search for the General a little more.
I'll take Daisy home and we'll try to get some chores done."
"Okay, Uncle Jesse," Luke said.
* * *
Rosco stepped out of the washroom and walked up to the booking desk. He glanced out the window on his way and saw all the Duke vehicles and Cooter's tow truck were gone. He then glanced at the telephone, remembering what MaryAnne had said to him about not wanting to be around while he and Boss were pulling their shuck and jive. Rosco lifted the receiver to his ear and waited for Maybelle to connect.
"Maybelle, could you connect me to the operator
in Finchburg County please?"
Rosco figured to call MaryAnne and
tell her she could come back home, seein' as he and Boss didn't have
the General. Y'all realize what this could lead to don't you?
"MaryAnne's comin' to Finchburg?" the Finchburg
County telephone operator, Dodie, said.
"Well, she should be there already," Rosco
said. "You're tellin' me she ain't?"
"Not that I'm aware of. And you know that
if that cousin of yours was here in town, I'd know! Rosco, we've been
waitin' over a year for MaryAnne to come back to visit."
"Yeah, I know. Thing is, Dodie, she left
here yesterday afternoon."
"Oh. Hmm, well, she could be out at Steve and Martha's place and probably stayed the night there."
"That's true." Rosco made a face, as if
to say, "but still."
"Do you want me to tell her you called if
I see her?"
"Would you please? I'd appreciated it."
"Sure thing, Rosco."
"You're welcome. Take it easy."
Rosco hung up the phone, the gears turning
in his head again.
Now ol' Rosco's startin' to think
that maybe MaryAnne not bein' in Finchburg and the General bein' stolen
were connected because for once, he wasn't worried about her.
Rosco stood up from the stool and picked
up his hat off the booking desk. He started for the doors of the booking
room when Boss came out of his office.
"Rosco, what are you doing here still? I
thought you were back out looking for the General?"
"I was just on my way out, Boss," Rosco
said after he stopped and looked back at his brother-in-law.
"Who were you on the phone to?"
"Did MaryAnne make it there okay?"
"Don't know. The telephone operator at least,
hasn't seen her." He shrugged. "I'm sure she's fine tho'."
* * *
After looking for another 45 minutes for the General, Bo and Luke returned to the farm.
"No luck huh?" Daisy asked as they came
in through the kitchen.
The boys both shook their heads.
"If they've got him hidden," Luke said,
"he's hid real good."
"It doesn't make any sense," Bo said as
he plopped down on the couch. "I mean, if Boss ain't got the General
and them two other fellas don't, then who does? The tooth fairy?"
"You know," Jesse said as he came into the
living room from the kitchen, "maybe whoever took the General took
him for his own good. Maybe they learned of something J.D was going
to do or these two fellas."
"Yeah, but who in Hazzard County would go
this far for us?" Bo asked. "Except maybe Cooter. And we know it's
not him because he's been chasin' after the General right with us."
"Maybe it's somebody trying to get back
at Boss," Luke suggested.
"What if it's all just a prank?" Daisy asked.
Luke shook his head. "No, they made sure
we followed them right to town. If it was just a prank, they would
have just taken off after they jumped over Cooter's tow truck. I think
they wanted to make sure that we all saw the General for some reason,
including Boss and them two fellas."
* * *
Cooter, meanwhile, walked out to the back of his garage. Immediately, he saw the old tarp bunched up on the ground in the spot where he had had a Dodge Charger that was painted up like General Lee parked. Cooter completely forgot what he was doing and ran back into his garage and straight for his CB set.
"Breaker one, breaker one, might be crazy
but I ain't dumb, Crazy Cooter, any y'all Dukes home on the Hazzard
Luke walked into the kitchen and picked
up the CB mike. "You got Luke here, Cooter. What's up?"
"Listen y'all, it must be open season on
orange Dodge Chargers. Y'all remember that duplicate General Lee I
held on to from when Cale Yarborough was in town?"
Luke chuckled. "Yeah, what about it?"
"It's gone. Somebody swiped it right out
from the back of the garage here."
"Nope. I'm tellin' ya, there's something
really weird goin' on around here. Either somebody's really infatuated
with the paint scheme or they got somethin' planned that y'all may
"Yeah, we were kinda starting to wonder
that ourselves. Thanks for lettin' us know, Cooter. We'll catch up
with ya later."
"Ten-four, Lukas. You know who to hollar
to if you need any help."
"Thanks, Cooter. I'm gone."
Luke put the mike down and turned back to
Well, while the Dukes were tryin'
to make sense of all the recent events, them two fellas Boss was supposed
to have the General for were gettin' a bit impatient and were startin'
to think that Boss was shuckin' and jivin' them about not havin' the
General. Hang on to your hats folks.
Boss found himself startled again when his
office door opened and the two men entered.
"We ain't goofin' around any more with this,
Hogg," the tall man said. The gun in his hand emphasized his point.
"We want that car and we want it now."
"I ain't got it!" Boss exclaimed. "If I
did, I'd give it to you, you know that."
"I think you're jivin' us. So we're gonna
take a little drive and your gonna make sure that Sheriff brings the
car to us, especially if he wants to see you around after this."
"Let's go," the man demanded and waved his
gun. Boss found he had no choice and he got up from his desk and went
with the two men.
MaryAnne, meanwhile, was standing behind the duplicate General Lee that she swiped from Cooter's listening to it run. One of the tail pipes was rattling but it didn't seem too bad. MaryAnne knew she didn't have the tools or the know how to tighten it, so the rattle would have to remain.
For those of you wonderin' where the
real General Lee is, it's parked in the last place ol' Rosco would
think to look for it.
His own barn.
MaryAnne stepped back to the driver window.
Out of habit from driving the real General, she climbed in through
the window, despite the doors on this car not being welded shut. She
had the CB radio tuned to the police channel not expecting to hear
much for traffic, other than Rosco and Enos still looking for the General
Lee on orders from Boss. MaryAnne figured she could start thinking
about the next phase of her plan, which she knew was going to require
some help from the Dukes. But Boss's cryptic call for help changed
"Rosco, you got your ears on? Over."
"Right here, Boss. No luck finding the Gen--uh
that vee-hicle yet."
"Listen Rosco, you gotta find that car.
It's a matter of life and death! Mine!"
"Boss, what are you talkin' about?"
The tall man took the CB mike from boss.
"What he means is, if you don't find that car and bring it to us, you
won't see the fat man again."
"Wait a minute!" Rosco exclaimed. "Neither
me or Boss have that car. I don't know where it is!"
"Well then you better find it and bring
it out to those deluxe accommodations the fat man here gave us while
me and my partner were staying here in Hazzard. You have two hours!"
"That's not enough time!"
"That's all the time your getting! Otherwise
you can say bye-bye to Hogg right now."
"Alright, alright, I'll find the car and
bring it out to ya. But if you hurt one little remaining hair on my
chubby buddy's bald head, I'm gonna find ya and throw ya in the clink!
You hear me?"
"Yeah, we hear ya Sheriff," the man said,
not fazed by Rosco's threat. "See you in two hours." The tall man put
the CB mike down.
"Rosco don't know where that car is anymore
than I do," Boss said. "You boys gotta believe me, we don't have that
"Somebody has that car," the man said. "I
suppose if they're nice, they'll let the Sheriff have it to save your
Well, MaryAnne sure didn't figure
on this, but she knew she got the duplicate General just in time.
MaryAnne put the dupe General in gear and
drove down the road, hoping to meet up with Rosco. Enos helped narrow
down a meeting point when he called on the radio.
"Sheriff, I just heard Mr. Hogg on the radio.
What's going on?"
"It's a long story, Enos. Just keep your
eyes peeled for that dang General Lee."
"Yes sir. I ain't found the General, but
I did find another car."
Rosco paused. The way Enos sounded, it seemed
possible MaryAnne was in trouble somewhere too.
"Route 41. Just past the intersection with
"I'm on my way,"
MaryAnne swung the dupe General around.
"And so am I," she said softly.
Enos waited by the blue Firebird until Rosco arrived. The Sheriff's face reflected his distress as he got out of his patrol car. He had two hours to figure out how to get Boss out of trouble and now he had to make sure MaryAnne was okay too.
"Nothing looks out of place," Enos said
as Rosco approached. "It doesn't look like it was forced off or anything."
Rosco nodded and went about inspecting the
car. Maverick appeared unblemished. No scratches or dents on the paint,
no skid marks on the ground behind the rear tires and none of the tires
"Maybe she's out of gas?" Enos wondered.
"She would have called on the CB," Rosco
replied. "And if not one of us then Cooter." Rosco unclipped the key
ring on his gun belt and separated out one. He opened the driver door
and sat in the Firebird. When the engine turned over, he looked at
The deputy only shrugged. Rosco shut the
car off and sat in thought for a moment.
"You okay, Sheriff?"
"I think I know who stole General Lee,"
he said softly.
"Who?" Enos squeaked.
Rosco looked at his deputy. "MaryAnne."
"MaryAnne? Sheriff, are you sure?"
"Well, let's just say I have a sneakin'
suspicion." Rosco took his key back from the ignition and got out of
Maverick. He and Enos walked up to the road.
"If I'm right, and we can find out where
she is, we can get the General and I can get Boss back," Rosco said.
"But Sheriff, don't you think we oughta
tell the Dukes? The General is their car after all."
"Enos, we ain't got time to tell them Dukes!
Besides..." Rosco stopped when he heard the sound of a car approaching.
Both he and Enos turned to look. The exhaust note was recognizable,
although neither law man noticed the rattling noise.
"There's the General!" Enos exclaimed.
Carefully, Rosco withdrew his gun.
"Sheriff! I thought you said MaryAnne's
got the General?"
"I said I THINK she's got it. I don't know
MaryAnne saw Rosco standing in the road
with his pearl handled pistol pointed straight at her but she kept
on towards him and Enos.
MaryAnne's hoping Rosco would wait
and ask questions first. Then shoot later.
Then she was close enough, she turned the
dupe General to the side and brought the car to a sliding stop, the
big 01 on the driver door facing Hazzard's finest.
"Sheriff, don't shoot! It's MaryAnne!" Enos
exclaimed, grabbing Rosco's shooting arm.
Rosco dropped his aim and put his gun back
in the holster. He and Enos approached the dupe General as MaryAnne
climbed out the window.
"I figured it might have been you," Rosco
said. "When I called over to Finchburg and Dodie said she hadn't seen
you, I started to wonder."
"Rosco, I'm sorry, but I had to do this."
"To stop me and Boss from taking the General?"
"Yeah. But also to stop you and Boss from
"A lot of good that did!" Rosco said. "Now
them two fellas have got Boss and I gotta take this car to them to
get him back."
"I know, I heard it on the radio that's
why I'm here. Rosco, I didn't intend on something like this happening--"
"MaryAnne, just give me the car. We can
apologize later." Rosco stepped towards the dupe General and started
to climb into the car when MaryAnne grabbed his arm.
"Rosco, there may not be a later! Listen
to me! I over heard them two fellas talkin' at the Boar's Nest. As
soon as you and Boss were to give them this car they were gonna kill
you. They may still kill the both of you if you take this car to them!"
"But, I gotta get my little fat buddy back,"
Rosco said, his eyes looking at her sadly. "MaryAnne, I know you don't
like Boss Hogg, but I do. He's my friend and I'm gonna get him back."
"Rosco, I don't want to see Boss die any
more than you do. Let me and Enos here go with you and we can figure
how to get him back with out the both of ya gettin' killed."
Rosco shook his head. "No. I gotta do this
myself." He continued into the dupe General and started the car.
MaryAnne's cousin said nothing more and
didn't even look at her before he drove away. MaryAnne threw her hands
up as the car roared off down the road. She then turned to Enos.
"Enos, we gotta go after him!"
Enos nodded as MaryAnne started down the
embankment to Maverick. "Shouldn't we tell the Dukes too?"
"Yes!" she called back. She stopped before
getting into the Firebird and turned back to Enos. "I'll call them
on the CB."
"Okay!" Enos ran to his patrol car and jumped
in as the blue Firebird roared out of the ditch and climbed back up
onto the road.
* * *
After helping Uncle Jesse with loading some bales of hay into his pickup truck, Bo and Luke decided to take Daisy's Jeep and look for the General Lee once again. They had no more than driven off the farm when MaryAnne's voice came over the airwaves.
"This is MaryAnne Coltrane callin' any Dukes
out there who are listenin'. I gotta confession to make and I need
With Bo driving the Jeep, Luke picked up
the CB mike. "You got Luke Duke here, MaryAnne. I thought you were
in Finchburg County?"
"I was shuckin' and jivin' everyone.
I've been here in Hazzard the whole time with an old friend of y'all's."
"General Lee. I'm the one that stole him.
But I did it for a good reason! I did it to try to help y'all and to
save Boss and Rosco's hides. But now Boss is in trouble and Rosco just
took off with the duplicate General that I also swiped from behind
Cooter's. He thinks he's gonna be able to exchange Boss for it. The
real General Lee is safe and sound I can tell ya where he is, but fellas,
I need your help."
"Where's the General, MaryAnne?"
"He's in our barn." She paused. "I understand
if you don't want to help and I wouldn't blame ya. But just remember,
I didn't steal General Lee to do anything against y'all, you know I
wouldn't do that. I didn't want to see you boys lose the General or
for Jesse to lose the farm AND I didn't want to see Rosco and Boss
to lose their lives. That's what would have happened as soon as them
two fellas would have got the General. They were gonna kill Boss and
"MaryAnne, are you sure about that?" Luke
"I overheard 'em talkin' at the Boar's Nest.
Thing is, now they've kidnapped Boss and are forcing Rosco to bring
the General to them to supposedly get Boss back. The General Rosco
has is the duplicate one tho', and I'm afraid as soon as Rosco shows
up with it, he and Boss will be finished."
"Where are you now, MaryAnne?"
"Me and Enos are following after him a distance.
We're on Route 41, heading west."
"Okay. As soon as we get the General we'll
be out to give ya a hand."
"Thanks fellas. I'm gonna owe you big time
for this, I know. I'm gone."
What MaryAnne didn't realize was that
she had done somethin' that the Dukes felt they were gonna have to
owe her for.
"Uncle Jesse was right," Bo said.
"Yup," Luke replied and then looked at his
cousin with a smile. "Ain't he always?"
Well the boys found the General unscathed
in the Coltrane barn. After callin' Uncle Jesse and Daisy and Cooter
on the CB they headed out to help MaryAnne.
Rosco, meanwhile, was about to arrive
at the exchange location.
MaryAnne and Enos held back a safe distance
when they saw Rosco turn up a road that led to an old hunting cabin
that Boss foreclosed on. They stopped by the side of the road and anxiously
Rosco negotiated the dupe General through
the turns and arrived at the cabin. He no more than grabbed a hold
of the roof of the car to start to pull himself out when a voice spoke
from the cabin.
"Hold it, Sheriff! Take your gun out and
put it on the roof of the car."
Rosco did as he was told, sliding his pearl
handled pistol across the Confederate flag on the roof of the dupe
General. It came to a stop near the center star on the Southern Cross.
Rosco watched the cabin to see if what he
had done was acceptable. It appeared to be, because the front door
of the cabin opened and out came the two crooks and Boss. They quickly
hustled Boss to the dupe General and showed him into the back seat
"Hey!" Rosco said. "Don't you go scuffin'
my little fat buddy."
"Shut up!" the taller of the two crooks
gruffed as he slid into the passenger seat of the General. His partner
was in back with Boss, keeping an eye on the white suited man.
"Yeah Rosco, shut up," Boss said. "This
is all your fault you know."
"Yeah. If you had caught this orange clunker
car earlier this wouldn't be happening.
"Well, I've got it now don't I?"
"Alright, the both of ya just shut up!"
the man in the passenger seat said. He waved Rosco's gun in the air
and looked at the Sheriff. "You're gonna drive where I tell you to
drive and it's gonna be a nice quiet, desolate spot so we can finish
you two turkeys off."
"Now wait just a pea pickin' minute here.
I'm the Sheriff--"
The man poked the gun in Rosco's side and
pulled the safety back. "Just shut up and drive!"
"Jit jit!" Rosco put the dupe General in
gear and started to drive back down the road. "I'll take ya anywhere
ya wanna go..."
MaryAnne and Enos watched as the dupe General
came back down the hill and on to Route 41. It turned in the direction
away from where Maverick and the patrol car were parked.
MaryAnne picked up the mike. "They've got
both Boss and Rosco, Enos. I knew this was gonna happen."
"They'll be alright, MaryAnne," Enos said.
"We'll get them back."
The patrol car and Firebird began to follow
The real General Lee, with Bo and Luke was
cutting across a field to get over to Route 41. While Jesse and Daisy
were catching up after stopping at the Coltrane house for Daisy to
pick up her Jeep, the boys made it to Route 41 and came out a mile
ahead of Rosco.
Rosco still had his own pistol poked into
his side as he drove. He hadn't noticed that MaryAnne and Enos were
behind him yet, he being too afraid that if he took his eyes off the
road for a second the passenger wouldn't like it. But when he saw General
Lee barreling towards him he wondered if maybe he should have averted
his eyes for just a moment.
The passenger saw it too. "Who the heck
In the real General Lee, the boys saw who
they were heading towards.
"There he is, Bo," Luke said.
The passenger in the dupe General couldn't
believe what he was seeing. "That car's the same as this one!"
Bo cut the General to the side and went
zooming past Rosco in the dupe. The real General then swung around
and started chasing after it's twin.
"Rosco!" Boss exclaimed. "I thought THIS
was General Lee?"
"Well, Boss, how do you expect me to know
one General Lee from another?"
"Rosco, if this ain't the real General Lee
we're sittin' in..."
"I don't think it's gonna make any difference
WHAT General Lee we're sittin' in, Boss!"
"Will you two shut up!" The passenger looked
at Rosco. "Lose them, or else we stop the car and I waste the both
of you in front of all your friends."
Rosco responded only by stepping on the
MaryAnne saw the boys when they turned around
and went after the twin General. She grabbed the CB mike.
"It's the boys, Enos! Now we're gonna get
Maverick took off a little ahead of the
patrol car and started coming up behind the boys in the General.
"There's MaryAnne," Bo said looking in the
"Yup," Luke said. He picked up the mike.
"MaryAnne, any idea if these guys are armed?"
"I'm assuming they are," she said. "If not
with their own gun they've got Rosco's."
"Alright, here's what we've gonna do..."
In the dupe General, the two men were watchin'
out the back window. "There's another car," the man in back said. "Blue
Rosco glanced in his side mirror and saw
Maverick in the distance behind the General Lee. He then looked at
the rearview mirror at Boss.
Boss caught his brother-in-law's glance.
The question being silently asked was, "Can ya bamboozle the guy beside
Boss gave a slight nod and then gestured
with his eyes towards the passenger, as if to ask, "What about him?"
Rosco made a face, a silent reply of, "I'll
do what I can."
The passenger caught sight of Boss giving
another nod. He immediately sensed something was up and looked at Rosco.
"Alright what are you two up to?"
"Not a thing," Boss said.
"Yeah, I'm just drivin' the car," Rosco
"I don't buy it."
"Hey that blue car's coming around," the
man in the back seat said.
The passenger looked up and saw the Firebird
come tearing around the Charger.
"You better lose them!" he ordered.
"Oh you'll never lose them Duke boys," Boss said. "Rosco and I have been tryin' to for YEARS."
"What about the guy in the blue car?"
"Girl," Rosco corrected. "And no, you can't
lose her either."
"Well, you better make an exception this
time," the passenger said. "Or else."
"I think we can make an exception, Rosco,"
Rosco looked in the rearview mirror momentarily
at Boss. "Sure," he said. "No problem." Suddenly Rosco cut the wheel
to the left and sent the twin General off the road and into a field.
He missed clipping Maverick by mere inches.
MaryAnne and the Dukes were completely caught
off guard with the sudden change in course of the dupe General. The
boys were able to follow after Rosco, but MaryAnne had to swing Maverick
around up the road a bit and come back, turning off the road behind
Enos. The unannounced turn by Rosco gave Boss his opportunity. The
passenger and his partner were momentarily fazed by the jerking movement
of the dupe General. Boss grabbed a hold of the partner's arm that
had a gun and pried it out of the man's grip.
"Heh heh," Boss said. "How's that for an
Rosco jumped on his opportunity as well.
While the passenger was watchin' the struggle in the back seat, Rosco
karate chopped his right hand into the man's upper arm. The pearl handled
pistol dropped on to the seat. Rosco grabbed it but the man also tried
to get it back.
"Give it to me!"
"I don't think so!" Rosco replied. He momentarily
took his left hand off the steering wheel to get a better fight for
the gun. He yanked it away from the man just as Boss yelled out.
"Rosco, look out!"
The Sheriff looked up in time to see the
mound of earth they were heading straight for.
"DOH!!" he exclaimed. He grabbed the steering
wheel in a futile effort to save the car.
MaryAnne watched in horror as the dupe General
turned slightly and the left side of the car was forced off the ground
by the earth. The Charger leapt into the air and then fell first on
the right side corner of it's nose. The tail end flew forward and then
the car slammed down finally on it's roof.
"Oh my Lord! Rosco!!" MaryAnne cried.
The real General Lee, Enos's patrol car
and Maverick quickly surrounded the damaged twin General. MaryAnne
leapt out of Maverick and ran around to the driver side of the car,
with the boys and Enos coming up behind her.
"Holy smokes," Luke breathed as Rosco started
to climb out of the driver window.
"Oh Rosco, Boss are you okay?" MaryAnne
asked as she helped her cousin out of the car.
"Ooh, what a horrendous crash..." Rosco
"We've got Boss over here, MaryAnne," Luke
"Oh man..." Boss said as the boys assisted
the county commissioner out of the car. Once everyone was out standing,
and Enos was in control of the two bad guys, Luke smiled.
"Ain't no ride at the fairgrounds as excitin'
as Rosco's driving eh Boss?" Luke asked.
"Ha!" Boss said. "All of this is that knuckle
"Oh now Boss, you can't go blamin' Rosco,"
Bo said. "He was tryin' to save your life. That oughta be worth something?"
"That's right, Boss," MaryAnne said, still
hanging on to her cousin's arm. "Rosco's not to blame for this. If
you wanna blame someone for all of this you can blame me. I'm the one
that stole the General Lee. Both General Lees."
"You did?" Boss said.
"I did. I tried to do it to keep you and
Rosco out of serious trouble, but I don't know if it did any good.
I didn't think they'd kidnap you, Boss."
"Thing is, MaryAnne," Luke said. "They're
alive and me and Bo got the General back safe and sound. Seems to me
what you set out to do, got accomplished."
MaryAnne smiled a bit. "Yeah, I guess it
Well, it took some more explainin'
from MaryAnne later before Boss fully understood why she stole General
Lee. Although the Dukes knew that Boss originally wanted to get the
car MaryAnne didn't let Boss know that they knew that.
MaryAnne apologized so many times
to the Dukes about takin' the General, they told her they'd call Rosco
and have her arrested for disturbin' the peace if she said 'I'm sorry'
one more time.
"MaryAnne," Jesse said. "You took General
Lee for his own good. We ain't holdin' it against you for helpin' us.
Instead of you apologizing, we should be thankin' you."
"That's right," Daisy said, as she propped
her elbow up on the back rest of the couch in the middle of the Duke
"And we do thank you," Luke said. He then
chuckled. "But I think next time you could tell us first."
MaryAnne gave a self conscious smile. "Yeah,
I'll try to remember that. Assuming I ever have to do this again!"
The Dukes laughed.
Later, MaryAnne returned to town and apologized
to Rosco a few more times.
"I am sorry," she said. "I mean that."
"It's alright," Rosco said. "But why didn't
you just tell me that you over heard them two talkin' at the Boar's
"Well, I thought that if I did, and you
and Boss didn't go through with gettin' the General, that them two
would have still tried to pull something. The only thing I could think
to do to buy some time was steal General Lee."
"Two General Lees."
MaryAnne made a face. "Doh...thanks for
"Even tho' everything worked out," MaryAnne
continued. "You are not off the hook."
Rosco's smile faded and he looked at her
seriously. "MaryAnne, I don't think I'll ever be off the hook."
"Yes you will," she said. "Someday, you
The two cousins eye's met and then MaryAnne
smiled. Without another word, she turned and walked out of the booking
room. Rosco watched her go and wondered just when the 'someday' will
Friends and neighbors, you can bet
when that day comes, it'll probably be the hardest day of Rosco's life.
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