This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any actual resemblance to persons or historical persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
The Dukes of Hazzard characters, settings, locales, ect. are owned by other entities who have not endorsed this fic nor have they given express permission for the character's use. Author makes not claims to these characters and is not making any profit from their use.
All original characters are the property of the author.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the author or any legally assigned agents of the author.
© Copyright: 1996-2004. Lisa Philbrick
The Dukes of Hazzard
Sweet Dreams, Rosco
By: Lisa Philbrick
Battling the flu, Rosco dreams of a typical day in Hazzard...with a bit of a twist. =)
Based on a story concept by Jeff Truesdell.
Rosco hadn't felt well all day, but he
tried to fight it as long as he could. He now sat at the booking desk,
his elbow resting on the top and his head in his hand. He had loosened
his neck tie during one of the times when he felt hot earlier. Now
he felt cold.
He covered his hands over his face and sneezed for what had to have been the millionth time that day. He grabbed a tissue wondering how many exactly he had gone through so far. Surely it had to have been enough to stretch the whole length of the
county, if not the state.
"Ack," he said as he tossed the tissue into the waste basket.
MaryAnne returned from her patrol and came
into the booking room. She stopped and looked up at him.
"Not feeling any better huh?" she asked.
She knew he had the flu and she knew he should be home resting, but
the hard part was convincing him of that.
Rosco shook his head.
"Rosco, you've got the flu," she said. "You
should be home and in bed."
"I'll be alright," Rosco managed to say
before he sneezed again. He grabbed another tissue from the box off
the booking desk.
MaryAnne sighed. "Rosco, I'm not arguing
with you, I'm telling you." She stepped up behind the desk and placed
her hand on his forehead. "You've got a fever, and I heard from Enos
about how you dang near wrapped your patrol car around a tree
and you weren't even chasing anyone at the time." She moved her hand to the side of his face. "Please, Rosco, let me take you home so you can rest."
He looked at her and then closed his eyes
and sighed. He knew she was right and nearly going into the tree earlier
wasn't exactly pleasant. "Alright," he said.
"Okay, come on," she said, taking him by
When they got to the house, MaryAnne made
up some chicken noodle soup while Rosco was changing into his pjs.
She poured the steaming contents into a coffee cup and brought it upstairs.
Rosco was all ready for bed and was sitting
on the edge of it when MaryAnne came in. She smiled as she sat down
beside him and handed him the cup.
"Papa used to make me chicken noodle soup
whenever I had the flu. I don't think it has any medical merit, but
it used to always make me feel better."
Rosco smiled as he took the cup. "I know
what you mean," he said as he smelled the aroma. "Mmmm."
MaryAnne giggled as he took a sip of the
broth. She stayed with him until he finished most of the soup. As he
climbed into bed, she put the cup on the night stand.
She then turned back and fixed the comforter
around his shoulders.
"Tucking me in, huh?"
MaryAnne laughed. "Yeah, why not?"
He smiled. "Thanks."
She smiled back and smoothed the material
and then stood up straight. "Okay," she said. "You get some rest, ya
hear? I'll be back in a little while to check on ya. If you need anything,
hollar on the CB."
"Alright." She picked up the coffee cup
and then looked down at Flash, who was sitting on the floor just beyond
the foot of the bed. "You'll watch over Rosco, right Flash?"
"Good girl." MaryAnne then turned back to
Rosco. "I do hope you feel better, and I will be back later."
Rosco nodded. "Bye."
Not even fifteen minutes after Rosco heard
MaryAnne's patrol car drive away, he fell asleep....
The past met the present, tossed it all
in the air and everything come back down in reverse and opposite of
what it had always been. When the haze cleared, a young Rosco P. Coltrane
came running out of the Hazzard County Courthouse and over to the
impound yard. He went straight to the General Lee and climbed into the big orange car. He then tore out of the impound yard and went roaring past the courthouse, as Sheriff Bo and Deputy Luke Duke came stumbling out of the door.
"Ya dang dipstick!" Bo exclaimed, slapping
his hat against Luke. "Ya let him get away!"
"Ain't my fault, Sheriff. You're the one
that left the keys on the stool by the holding cell."
"Oh hush! You just git in yer vehicle and
get after him or you'll be leaving your badge somewhere."
"On the Boss's desk when he fires ya! Now
Deputy Luke ran to his patrol car and yanked
open the door, nearly losing his hat as he got into the car. Sheriff
Bo went to his own patrol car and got in. As he started to pull away
from the curb, Luke suddenly pulled around him and collided with the
right front fender of Bo's patrol car.
"Luke! There ya go, scuffin' my vehicle
Luke didn't listen to the rest of it and
tore into the square and then out of town with siren blaring.
Rosco, meanwhile, had the General running
on all eight. He glanced in his rearview mirror and after a moment
saw the red and blue lights of the Hazzard County Sheriff's department
patrol cars coming up behind him.
He picked up the CB mike. "MaryAnne? You
Up the road about a mile or so, MaryAnne
was standing by her Firebird, dressed in denim short shorts and a peach
colored tank top. She reached into the car and picked up the mike.
"Right here, sugar," she drawled. "Right
where you asked me to be."
A moment later the General went zooming
by MaryAnne who was now sitting in Maverick. MaryAnne floored the accelerator
of the Firebird and came out onto the road, with just enough time for
Luke and Bo to swerve their patrol cars to avoid hitting her.
Both patrol cars went flying head first
into the trunk of two trees. MaryAnne got out of her car and looked
at the two patrol cars. She then ran over to Luke's.
"Oh Luke, honey, are you okay?"
Luke stumbled out of his patrol car and
looked at MaryAnne. His look suddenly turned goofy. "Oh I'm okay,"
he said. "Shoot, I'd run into a million trees for you, MaryAnne."
MaryAnne smiled and lightly touched a finger
to his chin. "You're such a sweetie."
"Luke!" Bo called from the other side of
the road. "Don't just stand there ya lug nut! Arrest her for aiding
"Oops, gotta go sugar," MaryAnne said and
ran back to Maverick. The Firebird tore off with dust, leaving the
two law men with nothing more to do than hack on the particles and
prepare for the chewing out they were going to get from Boss Hogg.
Up the road, Rosco had pulled the General
off the road and he stood leaning against the car, waiting for his
cousin. He was dressed in jeans, dark brown boots and the yellow shirt
MaryAnne had given him for his 28th birthday just a few months earlier.
After a moment the Firebird came into view
and pulled off the road. MaryAnne got out after bringing Maverick to
a stop and she rushed up to him.
"Hey," he said and gave her a hug. "You
did great." They both let go of one another and started laughing.
"They're pretty predictable ain't they?"
MaryAnne said with a smile.
Rosco chuckled. "Were they alright?"
"Oh yeah they're fine," she said. "But we're
not. We gotta figure out why Boss is trying to land you and Enos in
"I know," Rosco said. "Where's Enos now?"
"Out at the still."
"Well, let's get out there and we'll give
Raleigh a call on the CB and have him meet us there."
* * *
"You had Rosco Coltrane dead to the rights for grand theft auto and you let him get away?!?" Boss exclaimed. He, Bo and Luke were standing in his courthouse office.
"Well, it was dipstick's fault here," Bo
said, jerking a thumb towards Luke. "He was too busy making googly
eyes at MaryAnne."
"Oh hush, hush, hush! As far as I'm concerned
you're both at fault but for now, Luke, you get back out there and
find Rosco and Enos, and don't you come back until you've got both
of 'em cuffed and ready to be stuffed."
"Yes, sir," Luke said, half heartedly.
"Alright, now Bo, you're gonna come with
me over to the coffin works and we'll see how them boys are doin'."
"Ooh, khee khee."
* * *
At Coltrane still site number five, Rosco and Enos were sitting on the hood of the General, facing Maverick with MaryAnne still seated in the driver seat and Raleigh leaning against the hood of his old Chevy pickup.
"Not that J.D. Hogg ever needed a reason
to land either one of you in jail, it sounds to me like he just wants
to get y'all out of the way for awhile," Raleigh said. "He must have
"Which we never would have realized if he
hadn't try to land Rosco here in jail," MaryAnne said.
"What did he have Bo arrest you for anyway?"
Raleigh asked Rosco.
"Stealing county property."
"What county property?"
Rosco tapped his finger on the hood of the
General. "THIS county property. He says that because me and Enos didn't
pay our parking ticket, the General had been forfeited. Of course,
I didn't know that until Bo caught me off guard at the Boar's Nest."
Raleigh frowned. "When did you boys get
a parking ticket?"
"This morning," Enos said as he adjusted
the rolled up sleeve of his dark blue denim shirt. "Although Bo pushed
the General into the red zone himself."
Raleigh rolled his eyes.
"Brother," MaryAnne muttered. "I wonder
how many more tricks Sheriff Beauregard Duke has up his sleeve?"
"If he ain't got enough, he's always got
whatever Boss has up his, along with that chubby arm," Rosco said.
"Well, I ain't to particular on him and
Luke having to be bird doggin' us until whatever scheme Boss has goin'
on is finished," Enos said.
"Not unless we can find out what he's up
to before then," Rosco suggested.
"Yeah," MaryAnne said mischievously.
"I think figurin' a way to keep you fellas
out of jail is more important," Raleigh said.
"That's just it," Enos said. "We find out
what he's up to, we stay out of jail." He looked at everyone. "Seems
to always have worked that way before."
* * *
The real Sheriff Rosco awoke briefly to turn from lying on his back to his side and he threw the covers off his upper body, now becoming too hot with fever. He never opened his eyes and did it all in one movement. As soon as he stopped moving he drifted back to sleep.
* * *
Rosco and Enos were driving in MaryAnne's Maverick, cautiously following Boss Hogg, while MaryAnne was keeping Bo and Luke busy chasing after her in the General. When Boss turned his convertible into the coffin works, Rosco pulled the Firebird
behind the bushes and out of view. He and Enos watched Boss meet up with two men who were at the far side of the building, loading up the truck that was courtesy of Boss's trucking company.
They tried to see what was sitting on the
dock, but were to far away to figure it out.
"How are we gonna find out what Boss is
up to?" Rosco asked.
Enos didn't say anything right away which
prompted Rosco to turn his head to look at him.
Standing just over Enos's shoulder was a
third man with a gun which Enos was already looking at. Rosco looked
up at the man and then glanced at Enos. "I guess we get to ask him
The man with the gun waved it at them and
Rosco and Enos got up. Boss drove away just as they were lead into
the back door of the coffin works. Before they knew it they were seated
on the dusty floor and individually tied up.
"What do we do with them?" one of the other
"We leave them here," the man who had found
Rosco and Enos replied. "The Boss said to keep them out of the way
long enough to get the shipment to Atlanta. So that's what we're gonna
do." He looked to his two partners. "Let's get going."
Rosco and Enos watched them as they left
the coffin works.
"Great," Rosco muttered. "We ain't never gonna find out what Boss is up to now."
"What ye of little faith," Enos said. "If
you can scoot over here I might be able to get to your knife."
Rosco looked at the knife that was on his
belt and then started to slide over the floor to Enos, near where his
hands were tied behind his back. Enos pulled the knife out of the pouch.
"Can ya get it open?"
"Yup." Enos had to trust his fingers to
get the blade open because he couldn't see it. Once he did, he turned
the knife to try to saw the ropes around his wrists.
"You're gonna have to be my eyes for this,"
Rosco nodded. "You've got it."
The knife blade started sliding across the
ropes and Rosco saw them start to frey. After a few more cuts the rope
"There ya go."
Enos stopped cutting and pulled his wrists
apart. The rope loosened and he was able to free his hands.
"Ahh...if them ropes had been any tighter it'd be a hangman's noose."
Rosco gave Enos a look.
"Sorry, bad choice of words." After he cut
the ropes around his feet he turned to Rosco and cut him free.
"You think we can still catch up to that
Enos shrugged. "Worth a shot I suppose.
C'mon." They stood up and ran out of the coffin works and to MaryAnne's
* * *
MaryAnne swung the General around and down a dirt road with Bo and Luke following after her. She figured it had been long enough for the boys to do what they wanted to do, so she decided to let the Sheriff and deputy in on the joke. She made the
General appear to have engine trouble and she slowed down to the side of the road and came to a stop.
Bo brought his patrol car to a stop and
was about to get out when Luke rear ended him.
"DOH!! Luke!!" He got out of the car and
looked at Luke, raising a fist to him. "You
"Sorry, Sheriff," Luke replied.
"Hush! Now git over here." Bo turned back
towards the General and started walking towards it, with Luke walking
over to the passenger window.
"Alright, Rosco Coltrane, now I got you,
you ---" He stopped when the driver pulled their helmet off and he
regonized it to be MaryAnne.
She flipped her brown hair around as she
turned to look at him.
"Sheriff Beauregard Duke, you old reprobate,
if your Uncle Jesse heard you talkin' like that, he wouldn't show up
at church this Sunday."
"Uh..." Bo took his hat off. "I'm sorry
Miss MaryAnne, but I thought you were that no account Rosco Coltrane."
"Well, if you can't tell the difference
between me and Rosco, either you're losing your eyesight or I'm losing
"Shoot, MaryAnne, you ain't losing nothing,"
Luke said. "I got twenty-twenty-twenty-twenty-twenty vision. Ain't
that right, Sheriff?"
"Why, thank you, Luke," MaryAnne said.
"Luke, hush," Bo said, looking through the
car at Luke, who was already standing up. Bo looked up across the roof,
but Luke was back down at the window. "Luke!"
The ducking and standing straight up continued for another moment.
"Luke! Hush! Just hush!"
Bo looked at MaryAnne, who took a moment
to apply more lip gloss to her lips. She looked at him with a sideways
glance her lips still a little pouty. She then went back to applying
the lip gloss.
Bo fiddled with his hat a bit and nervously
glanced at the ground.
Rosco and Enos, meanwhile, were trying to
catch up to the truck. Enos was now driving, which gave Rosco a chance
to think about the situation they were in.
"What if they're hauling something no self-respecting
moonshiner would touch with a ten foot pole?" he asked.
"Considering it's Boss, I'm willing to bet
it's just plain ol' moonshine," Enos replied. "Or some kind of stolen
merchandise, like tv sets or something. I mean, come on you know Boss."
"Oh yeah, I know Boss. I know if we get
caught he's gonna have Bo put us under the jail."
At that point the CB crackled to life.
"Honey Bear, Lil' Boy Blue, you got your
ears on?" MaryAnne called over the airwaves.
Rosco picked up the CB mike. "Hear ya loud
and clear Songbird, what's up?"
"Well, the deputy Dukes are on their way
back to town. Did you two find out anything?"
"A little. Listen, do you think you can
get over here to Mill Road? We're following something that might give
us some more information and we could use some help getting this thing
to stop, if ya know what I mean."
MaryAnne smiled. "Ten-four."
In town, Boss Hogg over heard all of it
on his CB radio. He jumped up from his desk and ran to his office door,
grabbing his Stetson hat as he ran out.
Things were fixing to come to a head now.
As Boss drove out of town, he called to Bo and Luke on the radio and
told them to get out to Mill Road. They asked why and were just told
Rosco and Enos heard Boss on their CB and
they figured Boss knew they were following the truck. And the truck
driver himself and his partner had no idea anything was a miss, even
when they saw the pretty girl standing by an orange car at the side
of the road with it's hood up.
MaryAnne put on her best smile as the truck
came to a stop. The driver and passenger got out and approached.
"Do you need help, lil' lady?" the driver
"I sure do," she replied in a flirty voice.
"The engine just up and died on me and I don't know how to fix it."
The two glanced at each other and smiled.
"We'll take a look for ya," the driver answered.
MaryAnne smiled. "I appreciate that."
As they walked to the front of the General,
MaryAnne looked down the road past the truck and saw Maverick coming.
Rosco started laughing. "I love it," he
said. Enos was smiling too. MaryAnne could stop traffic in downtown
While the two truckers were looking at the
big engine of the General, Enos brought the Firebird to a stop and
he and Rosco got out. They started to walk towards the back of the
truck when suddenly they heard sirens blaring in the air. They paused
at each other and then turned to look up the road where two white Plymouth Fury's were speeding towards them. They hightailed it back to the Firebird and with Rosco at the wheel, tore off around the truck and down the road with Bo and Luke following after them.
"Ha ha!!" Bo exclaimed into his CB mike.
"We got 'em now! Khee khee!"
Enos was looking out the back window of
the Firebird. "What a time for them two to show up," he muttered. "They
ain't got much on smarts but their timing is impeccable!"
MaryAnne and the two truckers watched the
three cars disappear in the dust.
"Uh...maybe it was just flooded, fellas,"
she said. "Let me give it a try again." She ran to the driver window
and slid in and the General roared to life. She looked at the two truckers
and was about to give a pretty smile of thanks when Boss's Caddy suddenly
came around the truck.
"What are you two numbskulls doing?!" he
demanded. He then looked at MaryAnne and then back at the truckers.
"Oh I don't beleive this, you two didn't fall for THAT did you?"
"Fall for what?" the driver asked.
"Oh nevermind, just get back in that truck
and get out of here!" he hissed. The two truckers ran back to their
truck as Boss stepped down on the accelerator and the Cadillac sped
down the road.
"Bye fellas!" MaryAnne called sweetly and
waved as the truck drove away. She then put the General in gear and
followed after the truck and picked up the CB mike.
"Rosco? Enos? What the heck is going on??"
Enos picked up Maverick's CB mike. "I think
Boss overheard us on the radio."
"Well, you fellas better make up your minds
on what your gonna do, because that truck is heading towards Chickasaw
"Ten-four, MaryAnne." Enos looked at Rosco
as if to ask, 'What do we do?'
Rosco glanced at Enos and then at the patrol
cars in his rearview mirror. "Hang on, Enos. We're going to Chickasaw
* * *
The parade started off small. First just a truck, followed by an orange Dodge Charger. Then a blue Pontiac Firebird, with two Fury's nipping at it's tail came roaring across the county line, with a white Cadillac convertible bringing up the rear. Sheriff
Little joined in the pursuit, not liking all this kind of ruckus in his county. If it started in Hazzard, the least they could do is KEEP IT THERE!
Rosco spotted the green and white patrol
car on a road that ran perpendicular to the one they were all already
on. "Oh looky, more company," he said.
"Wonderful," Enos added.
Rosco picked up the CB mike. "MaryAnne,
darling, we gotta bring that truck to a stop and FAST."
"No problem fellas," she replied. She then
turned the General off the road to try to come out ahead of the truck.
She cut across country while Rosco and Enos, with the deputy Dukes
behind them, stayed after the truck.
The truck driver was bug eyed as the orange
Dodge Charger came exploding out of the bushes. MaryAnne brought the
big car to a sliding stop across the road and the truck driver had
no choice but to slam the breaks causing a chain reaction. Rosco pushed
the break and turned the Firebird in one direction, coming to a stop
and was followed by Bo, Luke and Boss Hogg. Sheriff Little was right
there to take control of everything before anyone stepped out of their
"Bo! Luke! Arrest them no account Coltranes
and that no good Enos Strate!" Boss yelled as he got out of his Cadillac
and started running to the truck.
"Khee khee!" Bo exclaimed. "Aw right, Rosco,
Enos, get yer hands up, yer under arrest. I love it, I love it!"
"Now hold on Boss," Rosco said. He pointed
to Bo and Luke. "They ain't got no jurisidiction here."
"No?" Boss said. "Well, maybe not, but Sheriff
Little here DOES!"
"That's right, he does," Enos said. "And
he may want to open up this here truck and take a look in side."
"That's exactly what I was just thinking,"
"Wait, wait, wait!" Boss exclaimed and stood
in front of 'Big' Ed Little to keep him from approaching the truck's
doors. "If you open that truck, that's gonna constitute an illegal
search and seizure!"
"That's okay, Boss," MaryAnne said, stepping
towards the crowd of good ol' boys with the two truckers draped on
each arm. "Because both of these gentlemen would be more than happy
to have a conversation with Sheriff Litte regarding the contents of
this truck and who's shipping it."
Rosco turned to the trucks door locks. "Well,
I'm curious about what's in this thing anyway," he said. He pushed
the lever up and pulled open the door.
"No, no, no!!" Boss tried to stop Rosco
from pulling the doors open all the way, but no such luck. When then
sunlight hit to reveal everything, Rosco found himself face to face
The basset was sitting on a box labled 'Dog
Biscuits,' which was surrounded by several illegal items, such as stolen
TV sets, stolen tires, stolen cigarettes, moonshine, counterfeit money,
bags of lye, diamonds, guns, slot machines and other illegal gambling
devices, stolen racing engines, bags of stolen credit cards, fake bars
of gold, stolen tapes of a Mickey Gilley concert, stolen tapes of unreleased
Waylon Jennings recordings, and boxes of deeds to worthless swamp land.
Rosco stood staring at the site. He let
go of his grip of the door and then turned his head to look at Boss,
who started laughing. Rosco was about to ask what was so funny when
he suddenly had a big ol' wet dog tongue lapping at the side of his
Rosco opened his eyes and saw Flash out
of the corner of his eye as she planted another lap to his face. He
gently put his left hand on the basset to get her to stop and paused
as a piece of the dream came back to him.
"Hoo boy..." Rosco said softly. He could
remember parts of it right away. His driving General Lee, MaryAnne
acting more like Daisy Duke than MaryAnne Coltrane, the Dukes chasing
after him and Enos....
I was driving General Lee? he wondered
to himself. He realized too that in the dream he had been in his twentys
again. He chuckled at that thought and turned to look at the clock
on his night stand. He squinted his eyes to see the numbers and found
he'd actually been asleep for about three hours. He turned on his left
side and Flash climbed over from behind and settled down next to his
"What a weird dream, Flash," Rosco said,
as he patted the basset's head. "Glad you woke me up."
He lay for a moment, trying to remember
as much as he could of the dream and knowing MaryAnne would probably
get a kick out of it when he told her.
Can't believe I was driving the General.
Heck, we OWNED the General. Hope them Dukes never find out I had this
Raleigh was there too, he recalled. Rosco
smiled a little, the memory of his father consistent with what happened
in the dream.
He would have found it funny too, s'pecially
me leadfootin' around in a car like General Lee. Khee khee.
It was few moments later when Rosco heard
the sound of a car door slam. He heard the front door open and then
the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs quietly. Rosco looked over
at the door and saw her peer in carefully.
"I'm awake," he said.
MaryAnne smiled and came in. "Did you get
"Yup. Had a lot of fun too while I was at
MaryAnne looked at her cousin questioningly
as she approached the bed. She reached out and touched his forehead
with the back of her fingers of her right hand and then the side of
"Well, your fever's gone down." She sat
on the edge of the bed next to Flash. "Now what's all this about having
Rosco smiled. "I had this dream," he said.
"Really? This oughta be a doozy," she giggled.
So he told her all about it, what he could
remember anyways. MaryAnne burst out laughing when he told her how
she acted more like Daisy then herself. Boss was still Boss, but the
Duke boys were the law and he and Enos were, in effect, the Duke boys.
When he finished telling the tale, MaryAnne
was still giggling and she petted Flash on the back.
"Leave it to Flash to save ya when it really counts," she said.
The basset barked in agreement, making the cousins laugh. Somewhere in MaryAnne's statement was probably a lot more truth than either one of them realized.
Back to fanfic page.