This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any actual resemblance to persons or historical persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

The Dukes of Hazzard characters, settings, locales, ect. are owned by other entities who have not endorsed this fic nor have they given express permission for the character's use. Author makes not claims to these characters and is not making any profit from their use.

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Copyright: 1996-2004. Lisa Philbrick

The Dukes of Hazzard
One of Those Days...
By Lisa Philbrick


It had started off like any other typical day in Hazzard County. Sheriff Rosco was in hot pursuit of Bo and Luke and as usual was left in the dust. But this car chase became the trigger to one of those days...and friends, what a day it turned out to be!

Finding himself crashing through another fence, Rosco could do no more than just hang on for the ride. After the patrol car finished rocking and splintered wood had all fallen to the ground, he looked up as the General Lee disappeared down the road.

“Ding dang it,” he muttered. “Just once I wish that General Lee would have the vapors!”

Up the road, Bo turned in the passenger seat and looked back. He chuckled. “Another day, another lost Rosco.”

“And another busted fence for us to fix,” Luke added.

Bo smiled. “Maybe we oughta get Rosco to do it? After all, he crashed through it.”

“Ha! If’n Rosco fixed fences, there’d be none in Hazzard!”

They ain’t kiddin’ on that.

Well the boys made it to town and a little later Rosco did too. Just when Rosco thought there was no way to catch the boys, he was suddenly hit with an idea. And what an idea...


As Rosco pulled into town, he spotted the General Lee parked just down the street from Cooter’s garage. As he slowly drove by, Rosco glanced at the back end of the old Charger and the two skinny tail pipes. His wish for the General to have the vapors, he realized, could be a reality.

Rosco stopped the patrol car and looked towards the garage. The boys were inside talking to Cooter. They didn’t see him as he backed the patrol car up and parked behind the General. With a giggle, he stepped out of the car and went to the trunk, finding two old grease rags. He walked over to the tail end of the General.

“Now General,” Rosco said as he kneeled down to the tail pipes, “this ain’t nothin’ personal but I’ve had it with them boys leavin’ me in the dust all the time and not lettin’ me give ‘em a ticket fer speedin’, s’pecially when they’s speedin’!” As he spoke, he stuffed the rags into the two tail pipes. He looked up every so often to make sure no one saw him, and especially not the Dukes. He finished stuffing the rags into the tail pipes, making sure they were well hidden inside the pipes. He returned to his patrol car and closed the trunk and then backed the patrol car up, turning it around to drive around the back of the courthouse and come back into town on the street near the bank. He drove past the front of the courthouse and then turned down the street towards Cooter’s garage, seeing the Dukes still in the garage bay talking to the mechanic.

Rosco stopped the car and yelled at the boys. “Ha! I see ya! You ain’t gonna git away this time!”

The boys turned and looked and then bolted out of the garage and down the street to the General. Rosco watched them run, never moving the patrol car. He heard the General roar to life and then Bo dropped the hammer.

Tires spun as the Charger moved forward. The car then started to buck and stall. Now Rosco drove his patrol car over to them as Bo tried to restart the General, but the car only choked.

Rosco got out of his patrol car and pulled out his ticket book. Bo and Luke exchanged sheepish glances as the Sheriff flipped it open with a snicker and started writing up the speeding ticket. When he finished, he pulled it out of the book.

“Oooh I love it, I love it!” he exclaimed and handed it to Bo through the window. “Too bad, the General Lee got the vapors maybe? Khee khee! Um...actually, it sounds more like an exhaust problem to me.” He snickered again and returned to his patrol car.

“I don’t believe this,” Luke muttered, looking at the ticket Bo held in his hand.

“Of all the times for the General to quit...” Bo said. He and Luke climbed out of the car as Cooter came running over.

“What the heck happened y’all?”

“The General quit, that’s what happened,” Bo replied and held up the ticket. “And this is what we got for it.”

Luke popped open the hood and all three looked in at the engine.

“Well, everything here looks fine,” Cooter said.

Bo looked at Luke. “What did Rosco say?”

Luke suddenly realized something. “That it might be an exhaust problem...” The two cousins suddenly marched to the back of the car and checked the pipes. When they saw the rags hidden inside, they glanced at each other.

“Rosco,” they chorused. They each pulled a rag out as Cooter joined them.

“Where the heck did those come from?” he asked.

“They were in the tail pipes,” Luke said. “Courtesy of the Hazzard County Sheriff.”

“Really?” Cooter chuckled. “I’ll be, where’d he learn a trick like that?”

“Cooter...” Bo scolded.

Luke chuckled. “Gotta admit it worked for his purpose.”

“Yeah, well maybe we oughta plug his tail pipe see how he likes it,” Bo said. The younger Duke obviously found no humor in what Rosco had done.

Luke mischievously eyed his cousin and friend.

“Uh oh, Luke’s got that look,” Cooter said.

Bo looked at his cousin. “What?”

“Wanna git back at Rosco?”

Cooter laughed. “What do you have in mind?”

“It’s better than pluggin’ tail pipes that’s for sure...” Luke said with a smile.

* * *

Sometime that night, after Rosco returned home from his last patrol, three shadowy figures made their way onto the Coltrane property. One got into Rosco’s patrol car and put the car into neutral while the other two pushed. When they got it to the road
the car turned over.

Bo grinned. “He left the keys in it.”

The Plymouth drove away once Luke and Cooter were inside.

When the morning light shone through the windows, MaryAnne got up and put her uniform on, sans her neck tie. She shuffled her way down to the kitchen with Flash and Bandit following. First things was first. The puppies were hungry.

MaryAnne turned to the cupboard to get out the dog food and stopped when something caught her eye out the window. She looked out and her jaw dropped.

There, parked in the driveway was Rosco’s patrol car in a new color: Hot Pink.

ROSCO!!” MaryAnne momentarily forgot the dogs and ran to the stairway, calling to Rosco again.

Rosco stepped out of the bathroom wearing his black pants, a white T-shirt and his face half covered in shaving cream.

“What??”

“C’mere!!”

He came down the stairs as MaryAnne turned to the front door. Rosco lunged down the stairs, figuring something was desperately wrong, and followed MaryAnne out the front door.

He stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of his hot pink Plymouth Fury.

“Jit jit!! How the--what the--it’s PINK!”

“I know it’s pink! How’d it get like that?? We’re not paintin’ all the patrol cars this color are we??” She started laughing, the shock of the situation now giving way to humor.

“Arrre you kiddin’ me! Of course not. It was white when I came home last night! I swear!” Rosco walked around the back of the car, as if to see if all four sides of the car were indeed painted pink. “I don’t believe this...”

“Good luck drivin’ it to town.”

“I ain’t drivin’ this thing to town!”

“I ain’t either.”

“Why not, pink’s a girl’s color.”

MaryAnne laughed. “I dunno, Rosco, somebody got you good. They’re gonna see you comin’ for miles in this thing. Although, look at it this way, chasin’ General Lee will be quite a fluorescent experience.”

Rosco paused at the mention of the General. If there was anyone in Hazzard that would go so far as to repaint his patrol car hot pink, it would be...

“Them Dukes,” he said aloud. He looked across the blinding hood of the Plymouth. “I bet they’re the ones that did this.”

“Oh now Rosco I know them Dukes ain’t particular to your kinda law, but paintin’ yer patrol car? What would make them do this?”

“Probably because I gave them a speedin’ ticket yesterday....”

MaryAnne raised an eyebrow. That made little sense.

“Well, I tinkered with the General to do it.”

“Oooh shame, shame. What did you do?”

“I uh...plugged the tail pipes.”

“Rosco!” MaryAnne burst out laughing. “What the heck made you think to do that??”

“I dunno, probably that movie we saw a couple months ago. The one with...”

“The banana in the tail pipe? Well that’s the last time we watch an Eddie Murphy movie. Can’t have you be gettin’ any ideas!”

“Well, I can’t out drive ‘em so I thought I could outsmart ‘em.”

MaryAnne chuckled. “Well, they got you back good this time, Rosco. I hope you have enough good sense to not try to upstage this little show.”

Rosco? Not try to upstage the Dukes? Hmm, MaryAnne must not quite be able to see the grin under all that shavin’ cream...

Bo and Luke sat quietly at the breakfast table and managed to keep straight faces until they made eye contact. Daisy was bewildered at their sudden outburst of laughter.

"Care to share the punch line with the rest of us?" she asked her two cousins.

Luke looked at his younger cousin and another chuckle came from the two. He then looked at Daisy. “Bo and I played a, uh, bit of joke on Rosco. I can’t help but wonder if he’s found it by now.”

“Oh he’s gotta by now,” Bo said, his grin never fading.

"What kinda joke?" Daisy asked. She looked over at Uncle Jesse, concerned at the scowl forming on his face. "You two didn't do somethin' you'll regret later, didja?" she questioned, finding it hard to not crack a smile in response to her cousins' mile wide grins.

“Believe us, this one’s worth the price of admission,” Luke said. “See, seeing as Rosco took it upon himself to plug the General’s tailpipes in order to serve me and Bo one of his phony speedin’ tickets, Bo and I decided to reply in like.”

“Yeah, only we didn’t plug his tail pipe. We took some of that hot pink paint Cooter’s got and applied it to his patrol car.” Bo could barely finish the sentence without laughing.

Daisy couldn't contain her smile any longer. She started laughing at the thought of Hazzard's Finest driving in hot pink patrol cars. We do things differently in Hazzard, but this is ridiculous, she thought to herself. She glanced over at Uncle Jesse and noticed a small smirk on his face for a brief instant and then he covered it with stern look of disapproval.

“Now boys...that’s defacing county property...”

The boys snickers died down.

“Umm...well, yes sir it is,” Luke started.

“But what Rosco did to the General is gonna cost us $150 to have fixed,” Bo defended. “Besides, you always taught us that if you’re gonna retaliate against someone, you do it with property and not with people.”

“Yer right, I did...but if J.D. Hogg finds out what you two have done, he’ll have y’all paying for a new paint job.”

“You mean to Cletus’s car? So it’ll match Rosco’s?” Bo said with a grin.

“Bo...” Jesse’s stern look softened and he chuckled. “Gotta admit that was a pretty good trick.” The Duke patriach laughed.

Daisy's laughter died down and she looked at her two cousins, a thought forming suddenly. "Do you think Rosco'll try to get back at you two for that prank?"

The boys looked at each other and grinned.

“Uhh...I think if Rosco knows what’s good for him, he’ll leave it alone,” Jesse said. “As should you two.”

The boys nodded, obeying their uncle. But the twinkle never left their eyes. They were pretty sure Rosco wouldn’t try anything anyways...especially not after having to drive a pink patrol car. Right?

Ya see, Bo and Luke are underestimatin’ Rosco right now. They think he ain’t gonna strike back. And you think this story’s gonna end here don’t ya? Y’all better not go to the refrigerator right now...

Rosco drove his hot pink patrol car into town and try as he might, he couldn’t block out the shagrins, snickers and down right out loud laughter that accompanied his arrival into town. He quickly pulled the patrol car around to the back of the courthouse
and was going to park it in the impound lot when he realized the lot was full and the county tow truck was blocking further passage into the yard.

Deputy Cletus Hogg looked up from his clipboard and saw the bright pink Plymouth Fury. “Buzzards on a buzz saw!” he exclaimed and hurried over to Rosco.

“Sheriff! What happened to your car?!”

“Cletus, will you hush! Can’t you git this tow truck outta the way so I can git this car off the street??”

“Well, I’d love to Sheriff, but the lot’s full.” The deputy grinned. “Me and Enos have been picking up them $15 parking fines like hotcakes.”

“Cletus, I don’t care about them $15 parking fines! Just git this tow truck outta the way and --” Rosco stopped when the strains of “Dixie” filled the square. He turned in time to see the General Lee come to a sliding stop behind the pink patrol car. The boys slid through the windows on their car and sat on the doors admiring Rosco’s patrol car.

“Wow, Rosco....that’s a great color for your patrol car,” Bo said.

“Yeah, you gonna have Cletus’s car painted that color??” Luke asked.

“Sheriff, you ain’t gonna have my car painted that color are ya?!?”

“Cletus, hush! You Dukes!! You did this!!” Rosco shook his fist at them as they slid back into their car. “You’ll pay for this, you just wait!”

“Yeehaaa!!” Bo replied as the General took off back towards the square.

“Jit jit! Them dang Dukes...”

“You know, Sheriff, I’d do anything for ya but I’m not drivin’ in a pink patrol car.”

“Cletus! We ain’t paintin’ the other cars pink. What we’re gonna do is git this one back to being white! And then we’re gonna figure out how to get back at them Dukes.”

“Get back at ‘em?” Cletus chuckled. “I dunno, Rosco...”

The Sheriff wasn’t listening. He was looking over towards Cooter’s garage and watching as the mechanic waved goodbye to a customer. Rosco grinned and his blue eyes were already brewing with a plan.

Rosco knows that the Dukes had to get the pink paint somewhere and to paint the whole car in one night, they would have needed some help. Friends....the last time ol’ Rosco had that look on his face he was a demolition expert in the Army in Korea. And was blowin’ up bridges!

“Go on, Cletus,” Rosco said. “Git this truck here outta the way so we can repaint my patrol car back to the right color.”

Cletus nodded and walked to the tow truck.


Bo and Luke, meanwhile, were laughing loud and hearty as they drove back to the farm.

“Did you see the look on Cletus’s face??” Bo laughed. “Oh man, that was a Kodak moment right there.”

Luke snorted. “Gotta admit I didn’t think that pink would be as bright once we saw it in the daylight.”

Bo laughed as the General cruised through the country side.


The customer Rosco saw leave Cooter’s garage was half way out of town when a white Plymouth Fury caught up to him. He pulled over and the Sheriff pulled up behind him. Rosco got out of Cletus’s patrol car and strolled up to the car.

When struck with inspiration, ol’ Rosco could put even the most experienced tricksters to shame.

The man looked at the two hundred and fifty dollar phony speeding ticket the Sheriff had handed him and then up to Rosco’s face. “Lemme get this straight. You want me to go back and tell Cooter he made my car worse and finagle him some way, and I won’t have to pay this ticket?”

“Yeahkhee!”

The man pondered his situation for a moment. “Does this all have something to do with you drivin’ in this mornin’ in a pink patrol car?”

“Hush.”

“Hmm....well, I dunno Sheriff. I mean, two hundred and fifty dollars, I’d rather pay that than go and pull a dirty trick on Cooter.”

“How about if I change that $250 ticket into 30 days in my slammer?”

“Hmm...I don’t think Cooter quite fixed this carburetor like he said he was gonna...”

“There ya go. I’d be gettin’ back to town if I was you.”


Rosco followed the man back to town and watched from the corner of the sidewalk near the courthouse as the man went into the garage.

Cooter was bent over a diesel engine and the noise level in the garage was like white noise. He didn’t know anyone had come in until he had a tap on his shoulder. He looked up and saw it was the customer he had earlier that morning. The man was agitated and Cooter heard him say something about the car not running right. Cooter was about to ask the man to hold on for a second, so he could shut the truck engine off and listen to the man’s concerns, but the man apparently was beyond reasoning. The man saw the pully chain and the hook for removing an engine was hanging down just behind Cooter and he grabbed it and the mechanic at the same time. He hooked the claw on Cooter’s jeans and yanked the chain, sending the mechanic up into the rafters of his garage.

“HEY!!” Cooter yelled. The man locked the chain and left Cooter suspended like that and walked out of the garage.

Rosco couldn’t hold his grin back. He had seen Cooter, arms and legs flapping around as he was pulled up off the floor of the garage and then he disappeared beyond the top of the garage door. The man drove away from the garage and Rosco turned around and laughed as he walked to the courthouse steps to fetch Cletus.

Ol’ Cooter looks like a Hemi engine strung up there, don’t he?

Cooter struggled for a few minutes trying to reach behind him and grab the chain in a vain effort to try to free himself from it but he was quickly getting nowhere.

Cooter knew he’d never be able to figure a way to get himself down, and over the gargling of the diesel engine, no one was gonna hear him call out for help either. That left the only thing he could do, which was to wait for somebody to come strollin’ in.

And look who’s come strollin’ in....

Rosco and Cletus appeared at the entrance of the garage and paused to look up at Cooter in the rafters. The mechanic looked down at them and momentarily was glad to see them, but the wide grin on Rosco’s face made Cooter caution.

The two officers entered the garage and Rosco paused to shut off the truck Cooter had been working on. He then looked up at the mechanic.

“Well, I see yer hung up a bit there, Cooter, I’ll come back later. KHEE!!”

“ROSCO!”

The Sheriff ignored the half threatening, half pleading voice of Cooter and exited the garage. Cletus just looked up apologetically.

“Cletus, help me get down from here will ya?”

“Cletus! Git yer posterior out on patrol!” Rosco called from the edge of the street.

Cletus turned to the Sheriff. “Can’t we at least let Cooter down now?”

“No! We ain’t got time to be concernin’ ourselves with piddly stuff like Cooter. Now git!”

“Argh,” Cletus obeyed and left the garage, heading for his patrol car.

“Cletus! Aw man...” Cooter sighed, figuring he was gonna be ‘hung up’ for awhile.


Not long after Rosco returned to the courthouse and Cletus left for his patrol, the boys drove into town and stopped, naturally, at Cooter’s garage. The boys parked the General and slid out the windows. They walked to the garage, calling for Cooter.

“I’m up here.”

Bo and Luke stopped at the entrance and looked up.

“Cooter! How’d you get up there?” Luke asked.

“Listen, why don’t y’all get me down and I’ll tell ya about it.”

After the boys got Cooter down, he told them about Rosco and Cletus showing up and how Rosco seemed particularly pleased to see Cooter hung up like a side of beef.

Bo couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. “So much for thinkin’ Rosco would leave this alone.”

Luke snorted. “Got that right. Well we ain’t lettin’ him have the last laugh.” He looked at Cooter. “You willin’ to help us out with another joke or do you want out?”

“After what Rosco just put me through? You bet I want in on this!”

Bo slapped Cooter on the shoulder.

Luke smiled. “Awright, here’s what I’m thinkin...”

Now while all this practical jokin’ was startin’ to get into full swing, the town of Hazzard had an unexpected visitor....

After the boys and Cooter left the garage to start on their next joke, a white Volkswagen Beetle convertible pulled up to the Hazzard County courthouse, parking on the side facing the bank.

Friends and neighbors, you can’t get anything more unexpectin’ than Hughie Hogg.

“GAH!” Boss exclaimed when his nephew walked into the office. “Hughie Hogg what are you doing here? I threw you out of Hazzard last time and that was supposed to be permanent like!”

Hughie flashed a smile and held his hands up. “Easy there, Uncle Boss. I’m just passin’ through and thought I’d pay a visit to the kin folk.”

“Bah.” Boss rolled his eyes. He knew a line of bull when he heard it. Hughie was up to something. He always was. Boss sat back down at his desk and lit a fresh cigar. “Not that I’m terribly interested,” he said, putting the lighter down, “but what
brings you back to these neck of the woods?” He looked up at Hughie. “Passin’ through or otherwise?”

Hughie reached for a cigar from Boss’s stash on the desk and promptly had his hand slapped away. “Finances,” Hughie answered. “Investments. Got myself a nice little deal simmerin’ over in Hatchapie County.”

“Hmph. Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Hughie now sat down in one of the chairs across from his uncle. The word money and its many derivatives always got Boss’s attention, despite his Uncle’s uninterested attitude at the moment. Hughie knew Boss was listening. He had the hook,
now he just had to reel his Uncle in. “Bought a chunk of dirt over in Hatchapie years ago, for mere dollars per acre.
Now...it turns out the land’s really worth something.”

“Worth what?”

“Almost two and half million dollars.”

Boss nearly lost his cigar. He looked at his nephew, bug eyed. “Two and a half million dollars...?” he savored every syllable.

Hughie grinned. “Yup.” He had one tug on the line down. “Would you be interested in partnerin’ up with me in a lil’ deal I got cookin’?”

“Woah, woah, wait a minute,” Boss said, returning to a serious business like posture. “Where’s this land located? And what’s on it that makes it so valuable, supposedly?

“It’s located near the town of Whitehead, near the state border. It’s about 30 acres. And it ain’t what’s on it that makes it valuable. It’s what’s below it.”

“Gold?”

Hughie chuckled. “Sorta. Black gold, Uncle Boss. Oil.”

“Oil...” Boss whispered. He leaned forward a bit and gave his nephew a scrutinizing look, trying to determine if Hughie was on the level or was totally double-dealing. Something was warning him that the little piglet was up to something, considering their past. Something else was telling him there’s was a fine money making opportunity in all of this.

Hughie figured Boss would be remembering that past too. The idea though, was to make him forget it, at least momentarily to sign on with this deal, which, if all went well, Hughie would find himself with all of Boss’s holdings, including his title of County
Commissioner. Hughie was redecorating the courthouse office already in his mind.

“When I bought the land I also bought the mineral rights,” he explained. “Every land transaction I do, I purchase the mineral rights if I can. You’d be surprised how many folks forget that little important detail.”

“Heh heh, I can imagine.”

“Well, I was thinkin’ to subdivide the land and develop it. I had a geologist come in and poke around a bit and he found evidence that suggests there’s oil there--”

“Wait a minute. Suggests?”

“You gotta dig to see if it’s actually there. I had a rig set up and four days later, they hit the jackpot.”

“So there is oil there.”

“Of course. If there wasn’t oil there, I wouldn’t be here.”

“Which was my original question. Why are you here?”

“I’ve got a dilemma. I could drill the oil myself, sell it, have my own oil empire, make JR Ewing look like a choir boy....”

“Or?”

“Or...I could sell it all, take the money and run.”

“How do I fit into your dilemma?”

“Well...” It was time to reel him in. “I know I’ve done you wrong in the past, and I regret that. I look up to you, Uncle Boss. I emulate you, I wanna show to the Hogg clan that I’m worthy of the Hogg name, ya know, being part of the next generation. What I was thinkin’ was to cut you in on this oil deal. Make you a partner. I used up most of my available funds in settin’ up the one rig to drill. If I wanna turn this into a full fledged operation, I’m gonna need some immediate capital. That means I need investors and I really don’t want to have a bunch of strangers comin’ in and tryin’ to run the show, you know?”

Boss nodded.

“But I figured you, if you were interested, would be willing to invest in this, for a considerable cut of course.”

“How much?”

“Sixty percent of the profits from the sale of the oil.”

Boss was beginning to forget that past. “How much of an investment are we talkin’ here?”

“I’m gonna need at least $750,000.”

Boss paused a moment and took a pocket calculator from his desk drawer.

“What’s the goin’ rate on oil now?”

“I think it’s up to $12 per barrel.”

“And how many barrels do you think you’ll be producing?”

“Well, my one rig can put out 100 barrels a day. If we set up even just five rigs, at 100 barrels a day, for 365 days a year....”
Boss punched away madly at the calculator. One year’s production was over 2 million dollars. With only five rigs. And that assumed that the $12 price stayed stable. Boss’s 60% was just over a million dollars. Even if they subtracted out half a million in
over head expenses and payroll, split that between himself and Hughie...Boss would still recoup his initial investment. And if the price of oil went up...

“Hee hee!” Boss exclaimed gleefully. Hughie smiled too. He had his Uncle hook, line and sinker...

You know, I don’t know what Hughie’s got planned, but I woulda thought by now that Boss would know better.

While Hughie was visitin’ with Boss, the boys and Cooter were waiting for Cletus to come back from patrol....

Cooter had the doors of the garage closed, and through the small opening, he and the boys watched for the white Plymouth Fury to pull up to the side entrance of the courthouse.

“There he is,” Bo announced, seeing the patrol car coming around the square.

Luke and Cooter grinned. “Let’s do it,” Luke said. The three some spilled out of the garage and started to walk across the street. Luke and Cooter headed straight for Cletus, blocking his view of Bo, who ducked up ahead and around the courthouse.

“Uh oh,” Cletus said. “Uh, listen Cooter, I’m really sorry about earlier. I had nothin’ to do with any of that and the Sheriff told me to go on patrol and all if I hadn’t gone--”

“He woulda probably fired ya,” Luke finished. “Still you coulda stopped and let Cooter down.”

“I’m sorry, I know I shoulda. But then again, you boys shouldn’ta painted Rosco’s car pink.”

“He started it by pluggin’ the General’s tail pipes,” Luke explained.

Cletus looked apologetic.

“Hey, Cletus,” Bo called coming up from behind the patrol car. “I couldn’t help but hear this car as you were coming around the square. Sounds you got hole started in the exhaust, you might want to have it checked out.”

“I didn’t notice anything different.”

“Of course not, the exhaust is behind you,” Bo said. He looked at Cooter. “I’m tellin’ ya it sounded weird. You oughta check this car out, it could be dangerous or something.”

Cooter and Luke both went to the back of the car. Cooter got down on his back to look at the underside of the car. “Hmm....I think ol’ Bo’s right.” He got back up. “Tell ya what Cletus, bring it on over to the garage and I’ll give it a good lookin’ over.”

Cletus seemed skeptical. “Y’all ain’t tryin’ to pull something for what Rosco did are ya?”

“Certainly not!” Cooter replied. “Hey, I forgive ya. Just to show ya what a good sport I am I won’t even charge the county for checkin’ over the car. Only for the parts if any repairs are to be involved.”

Cletus smiled. “Well, all right then. Thanks, Cooter.” He chuckled. “Whew, I sure am glad y’all ain’t mad at me.”

The boys and Cooter laughed with Cletus. “Shoot, we ain’t holdin’ no grudge against you, Cletus,” Bo said. “Of course, if we was to meet up with Rosco...”

Cletus covered his ears. “I don’t wanna hear it.”

The boys slapped him on the back. “Don’t worry, Cletus, you won’t have anything to do with it,” Luke said.

Uh huh. And I’ve got beach front property in Tennessee to sell ya if you believe that...

Well while the boys and Cooter were “fixin’” Cletus’s patrol car, Hughie had taken Boss out to the site in Hatchapie County. Boss was beyond convinced by this point. Hughie had an actual oil rig set up, but the whole set up was fake. But it looked convincing enough...


Hughie stood with his “oil foreman,” watching Boss start to walk back to the Cadillac.

“Did yer Uncle take the bait?”

Hughie smirked. “Hook, line and oil barrel.”

The foreman chuckled.

“I figure by this time next week, Hazzard County’s gonna have itself a new commissioner...” Hughie lifted his cigar to his mouth and followed after his uncle to the Caddy.

* * *

After Hughie and Boss returned to town, of which neither the Dukes nor Cooter noticed, Bo drove the Fury back to the front curb of the courthouse. As was habit, he climbed out of the window. Nobody would have thought that he couldn’t open the door. He grinned at Luke and both looked towards Cooter, who was heading into the courthouse to let Cletus know that everything was all set.

“C’mon,” Luke said. The two headed back to the General.

Cooter strolled into the booking room and found Cletus at the booking desk. He smiled up at the deputy.

“Yer all set Cletus, tail pipe was a little loose that’s all. No charge to the county.”

“Thanks, Cooter. I appreciate that.”

“No problem.”

Before turning to leave, Cooter noticed Boss come out of his office with Hughie and the two were grinning. That was a bad sign. Cooter glanced up at Cletus, who shrugged.

“Cooter Davenport, what are you doin’ here?” Boss asked.

“Just concluding some business with county, Boss. Don’t worry I ain’t stayin’ long....” He eyed Hughie. “Which might be sound advice for some other folks in this room.”

“That any way to greet an old friend, Cooter?” Hughie asked with a smirk.

“Awright, awright if yer done with yer business than be on your way,” Boss ordered.

“Gladly,” Cooter replied. “See ya, Cletus.” The mechanic turned and left the booking room.

Outside, Cooter spotted the General parked near the square, the boys watching for when Cletus would go on patrol and attempt to open the doors. He headed over.

“You tell Cletus the car was ready?” Bo asked from the passenger seat of the General.

“Yup, and I got a heads up for y’all.”

“What?”

“Hughie Hogg is back in town.”

Luke pointed to the side of the courthouse that faced the bank. “Thought that was his car over there.”

“Yeah,” Cooter said, “and he and Boss were both in there and lookin’ like two happy hogs at the trough. You know that can’t be good.”

“Nope,” Luke agreed. “Guess we better try to figure out what’s goin’ on, before we get tangled into something we don’t wanna be tangled in.”

“Shoot,” Bo said, disappointed. “I was really startin’ to enjoy this jokin’ around.”

Luke snorted. “Don’t worry, cousin, I’m sure we can save a few tricks for Boss and Hughie.”

Cooter grinned. “I don’t doubt that.”

“Hey y’all, there’s Cletus.” Bo pointed towards the courthouse.

Cooter turned to watch with the boys as Cletus came down the steps of the courthouse and walked to this patrol car. He grabbed the door handle and yanked on it. The boys started chuckling and Cletus kept yanking on it. The more he pulled, the
more they laughed. He checked the lock on the door and still kept pulling on the handle. Frustrated, he then went around the car and tried to open the passenger door too.

Cooter was howling in laughter. The boys were enjoying the site too.

Luke started the General’s engine. “Let’s go save ‘em.”

“Go git him, y’all!”

Luke pulled the General around the square and pulled to a stop near Cletus. The boys took perch upon the doors.

“What’s the matter, Cletus? Door won’t open?” Luke asked.

“No. Neither of ‘em--!” Realization suddenly hit the deputy. “Aww you said you weren’t gonna pull a trick!”

“Sorry, Cletus,” Bo grinned. “Listen, why don’t you use the windows, like we do. YEEEEHAAAAAA!”

The boys slid back into the General and the big Charger pulled away, blaring “Dixie” as it squealed around the back side of the courthouse.

“Argh!” Cletus slapped the roof of the patrol car. “They said they weren’t gonna pull anything...” he looked at his welded shut patrol car. “Now what am I gonna tell Rosco?”

Hughie had come out of the courthouse just as the General pulled away and heard the flustered deputy.

“Tell Rosco what?” Hughie asked.

“That the doors are welded shut.”

“The Dukes welded the doors shut on your patrol car?”

Cletus nodded. “Yeah, well this all started yesterday....”

Cletus told Hughie about the practical jokes that had been played between the Dukes and the Sheriff’s department and Hughie found it amusin’ to say the least. But he also saw an opportunity. That boy don’t miss much...

Hughie walked to his VW Beetle and out of the corner of his eye spotted the royal blue paint job of MaryAnne’s Firebird parked by the bank. The young Coltrane came out of the bank, dressed in her waitress outfit and carrying an empty money bag. He watched her get into the car and drive away.

I dunno what he’s thinkin’, but I’m sure I don’t like it.

Out at the Boar’s Nest, it didn’t take long for the mid afternoon crowd to fill the place up. MaryAnne and Daisy were hopping, keeping up with orders, but never loosing their smiles as they placed mugs and pitchers of beer down at the tables, along with
pretzels and popcorn bowls.

Sitting at the bar, overseeing the crowd was Deputy Enos Strate. A glass of buttermilk was on the bar near him. He was mostly watching Daisy but trying to keep an unbiased eye on whole crowd.

Managing to stay out of trouble for at least an hour, Bo and Luke decided to reward themselves with a stop at the Boar’s Nest. Complimentary popcorn was tossed at the boys in greeting as they found a table.

“Hey Enos,” the boys called. Enos smiled to them and held up his glass of buttermilk to them.

MaryAnne came to their table. “Well, ” she asked with a smile, “I hear y’all have been keepin’ yerselves pretty busy today. Worked up a thirst?”

The boys laughed. “Yeah, we’ve had a full day so far,” Luke said. “Two beers, please.”

“Comin’ up.”

“I heard what ya did to the Sheriff’s patrol car,” Enos said. “That wasn’t very nice, fellas.”

“Did you give Rosco that same speech about what he did to the General?” Luke asked.

“Yeah, I did. I told him that it was a dirty trick and he shouldn’ta done it.”

“And he shouldn’ta done what he did to Cooter either,” Bo said.

“What’d he do to Cooter?” Enos asked.

“Strung him up in the rafters of the garage,” Luke answered.

“He what?!” MaryAnne said, returning to the table.

“Well, he didn’t specifically, he got somebody to do it,” Luke explained. He picked up his beer and looked into it. “We’ve retaliated in like since then.”

MaryAnne shook her head and chuckled. “Oh boy. I can see this is just gonna keep on going isn’t it?”

“As long as Rosco wants it to,” Bo said.

“What did you fellas do in retaliation?” Daisy asked from the bar.

Bo and Luke looked at each other and both started laughing. “We welded the doors shut on Cletus’s patrol car,” Bo said.

Daisy’s eyes went wide and she started laughing.

“Now boys, that’s two patrol cars you’ve damaged!” Enos exclaimed.

“And mine’s off limits!” MaryAnne added, laughing. “Gonna have to post Bandit to guard it, you two keep this up.”

“I think Rosco oughta get the point by now,” Luke said. He looked at MaryAnne. “Don’t worry, we don’t anything to your patrol car. Or yours, Enos.”

“For some reason I’m not comforted by that.” MaryAnne grinned.

Daisy giggled.

Meanwhile, outside, the aforementioned Rosco P. Coltrane was pulling up to the Boar’s Nest in his old Pontiac LeMans.

Ol’ Rosco had good timin’. See, he was originally just comin’ out to get MaryAnne’s spare set of keys to her patrol car, seeing as his was still bright pink and Cletus’s was welded shut. But when he saw the General Lee...well, you tell me what you think he thought.

Rosco parked the LeMans and got out, never taking his eyes of the orange Dodge Charger. He walked over to it.

“Khee...” He looked down at the wheels and then over to the entrance way of the Boar’s Nest. No one was coming or going, so Rosco kneeled down and took the cap off the air valve of one of the tires.

Several minutes later, Rosco walked into the Boar’s Nest.

“Well howdy, Rosco,” MaryAnne said, from the middle of the Boar’s Nest with an empty tray in her hand. She grinned over to the Dukes. “Hey, fellas, lookie who’s here.”

Bo and Luke had looked and now had their faces turned inward, trying to hide their sniggers. Rosco came to stand over by their table, but he looked at MaryAnne.

“Sweetheart, I need to borrow the keys to your patrol car. Somebody welded the doors shut on Cletus’s.”

The boys had to work to hold back their laughter, allowing only a chirp to escape.

“Sure, Rosco.” MaryAnne headed towards the bar. “Gosh, I can’t imagine anybody who would pull a stunt like that. I mean, that’s like your patrol car this morning. Who in all of Hazzard County would wanna go and paint your car pink?”

The boys lost it at this point. Hardy guffaws filled the air and Bo slapped the table.

Rosco stood there, not scowling but not laughing with them either. He glanced at them and then back to MaryAnne, who now handed him the keys. “I have a couple of theories on who might have done it.”

“Well I hope you catch ‘em,” she said.

“Oh I intend to. Khee!” Rosco turned to leave and MaryAnne looked at the boys.

“My patrol car is still off limits,” she warned.

 

A little later, when the boys left the Boar’s Nest, they discovered what Rosco had left them: Four flat tires.

Bo slapped the hood. “Dang it!”

“He hit ‘em all,” Luke said, seeing for himself. “So much for carrying two spares.”

Bo reached into the car and picked up the CB mike. “Lost Sheep to Crazy C, come back.”

After a moment the radio came alive. “Breaker one, breaker one, might be crazy but I ain’t dumb, Crazy Cooter comin’ back atchya, what’s on yer mind Lost Sheep?”

“Tires,” Bo replied. “Four of them.”

“You blew all four tires?”

“No, the air was let out of all four tires, compliments of Rosco P. Coltrane.”

“Awhaw man..” Cooter chuckled a little. “Well, you got two more patrol cars to go through, at least.”

“Naw, we promised Enos and MaryAnne we wouldn’t do nothin’ to their patrol cars.....”

Sitting in his VW bug near the Hatchapie County line, Hughie was listening in on this CB transmission.

“....We’ll have to figure out something else,” Bo finished.

Hughie smirked. “I got an idea for you Duke boys.” He laughed and started the Beetle, driving on into Hatchapie County.

You know, you’d think he’d know better. Pickin’ on the Dukes and possibly MaryAnne? Baaad combination....

Well the rest of the day passed without incident. Bo and Luke were takin’ time to figure out their next move, which of course left Rosco to think that he’d won...

“Khee!” the Sheriff exclaimed at the supper table that night. He and MaryAnne were sitting down to a late supper.

“I think you and boys need to call a truce before it gets out of hand and they start leavin’ 01’s all over the place,” MaryAnne said.

“So I’ll slap a Sheriff’s star on the General Lee.”

MaryAnne laughed. “Like I was sayin’...”

“Well them boys didn’t strike back today so I can only assume that they’ve run outta tricks. Either that Jesse finally gave ‘em heck.”

“Is Boss gonna send the repair bills to the Dukes for paintin’ yer car and gettin’ Cletus’s car back the way it was?”

Rosco nodded. “Tho’ he told me if the other patrol cars are damaged in some way, he was gonna have us all arrested.”

“They promised me and Enos that they wouldn’t do anything to our patrol cars.”

“Oh good! Khee!”

MaryAnne laughed.

A little later in the evening, after MaryAnne had left for her patrol, Hughie and his “foreman” snuck up into the Coltrane yard. They had spent most of the night watching from behind some bushes, waiting for an opportunity. Once MaryAnne had left, they had it.

Maverick was parked in the drive, in front of where the patrol car had been parked. The two men approached and quietly went about their task. Hughie got into the car and put it in neutral, while his partner went to the front of the car and pushed it
backwards. The Firebird rolled to the street. Once there, Hughie stepped on the brake to stop the car and turned the wheel. His partner went to the back of the car and pushed. When the car was a few feet down the road, Hughie stopped it and then went to work hot-wiring it. The car started a moment later and the lights came on. The partner jumped into the passenger seat. “Let’s get out of here,” he said.

They drove out to the Boar’s Nest, bringing the Firebird around the back. Hughie turned the car so the headlights faced the back wall and he put the ‘bird in park. Without saying anything, he and his partner got out of the car and walked over to the back wall

Now y’all may recall that the Boar’s Nest used to be Boss’s warehouse where he stored his whiskey. He also stored his shine runner here too, and the back of the Boar’s Nest had a garage door. When Boss had the warehouse converted into a bar, he kept the garage door intact, puttin’ a false panel up and very few people know this door even still exists.

Looks like Hughie’s one of the select few.

It wasn’t long until Hughie and his partner had the panel open and were looking into the Boar’s Nest. While the partner held the panel up, Hughie went in and hit the lights. It would take them a few moments to move some of the furniture around to get the
car in.

Thirty minutes later, Maverick was parked in the middle of the Boar’s Nest. They rearranged the furniture around the car and then put one of the checkered table cloths over the hood of the car, complete with a bowl of pretzels and a beer in the middle. As a finishing touch, Hughie deflated all four tires on Maverick.

While he was busy doing that, his partner was busy in Boss’s office. When he finished, he gently closed the office door and met up with Hughie near the false panel. The lights had already been turned out.

They closed the panel and secured it back in place. “I still can’t figure out why you’re going to all this trouble,” the partner said. “What’s the Sheriff’s cousin have to do with this?”

Hughie shrugged. “Entertainment value, mostly. Uncle Boss is the one I’m really tryin’ to get to.”

“Well, he’ll be in for a surprise when he comes here tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I know.” Hughie smirked. “I’m sucha stinker...”

 

“Well ain’t this a fine how-do-ya-do?” MaryAnne muttered, standing on the porch of the Coltrane homestead. The headlights of her still running patrol car flooded the spot of the yard where Maverick had been parked, Bandit and Flash sniffing around in the empty area. Behind her, Rosco sighed.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t hear a thing. I was sittin’ with Flash readin’ the paper and....” he sighed again. “I’m sorry.”

“When I find out who had the gall to step on our property and just swipe my car, they’re the one’s that are gonna be sorry.” She turned to Rosco. “Not you.” She patted him on the shoulder and gave him a smile.

He put an arm around her shoulders. “We’ll get him back. I’ll go to town and put an ABP out. You go get some rest.”

“Awright. C’mon Bandit.” The German Shepherd followed MaryAnne into the house.

By the time the morning came around, Rosco had received no word back on the disappearance of Maverick. But he had a theory. In the back of his mind, he wondered if the Dukes had something to do with it. He kept this theory to himself, and decided that he would drive out to the Duke farm later in the morning and confront the boys. It was one thing that they were pulling jokes on each other, but he expected that MaryAnne would be off limits. Rosco certainly hadn’t considered pulling any tricks on Daisy.

A few minutes after 8, MaryAnne arrived at the courthouse dressed in her deputies uniform. She made a quick change and by 8:15 emerged from the ladies room dressed in her waitress uniform of black shorts and a light purple short sleeved blouse. She stood in the middle of the booking room waiting for Boss. She had agreed to go with him out to the Boar’s Nest to help open up and cover the early morning shift until one of the other girls arrived for the lunch time shift.

Rosco looked up. “You sure you don’t want to take the LeMans?”

MaryAnne shook her head. “Boss is gonna be there until the lunch shift anyway. He has to come back to town for a 1 o’clock meeting, so he said he’ll bring me back too.”

Rosco nodded. “Maybe I’ll have a lead on Maverick by then.”

MaryAnne smiled. “That’d be nice.”

“Okay, MaryAnne,” Boss said, coming out of his office. He pulled his car keys from his pocket and placed his cigar between his lips.

MaryAnne waved to Rosco. “See ya.”

Outside, parked at the end of the block was a traditional dark colored sedan. Hughie sat in it with two of his buddies and they watched Boss and MaryAnne come out of the courthouse.

“Who’s the good lookin’ lady?” the driver asked.

Hughie grinned. “That’s the lady that owns the Firebird we swiped last night.”

The passenger looked at Hughie. “That’s the Sheriff’s cousin?”

“Yeah,” Hughie said. “Careful boys, she’s as sharp as she looks. I’ve heard enough about her to be cautious.”

“Then why’d you steal her car?”

“She ain’t gonna know I stole it. She’s gonna think them Duke boys did it. And Uncle Boss is gonna think them Dukes did it and Rosco’s gonna think them Dukes did it.”

“How does this help you?”

“It distracts Uncle Boss. While he’s fuming over the Dukes pulling tricks, I slip that piece of paper in front of him and have him fork over $750,000 and all of Hazzard County!”

The men laughed and the driver started the car. They followed Boss and MaryAnne to the Boar’s Nest.

Boss parked the Cadillac near the front entrance of the Boar’s Nest and he and MaryAnne stepped out of the car. Boss got to the front door first and unlocked it. MaryAnne followed him in and he hit the light switch.

“GAAAAHHH!!!”

MaryAnne jumped and quickly peered around Boss. Her jaw dropped at the sight of her car sitting in the middle of the Boar’s Nest with a checkered table cloth spread across the hood and a bowl of popcorn and mug of beer on top. “Maverick! How the heck did you end up in here??

She and Boss stepped into the Boar’s Nest and approached the car.

“I thought yer car was stolen last night?”

“It was!” MaryAnne noted the tires. “Aw terrific, all four tires are flat.” She put a hand on her hip and looked at Boss.

“Them Dukes,” Boss grumbled. He walked over to the door to his back office and opened it. He felt the door hit something a split second before a fine dust cloud suddenly appeared from behind the door.

“Oh....ewww! Pewww!” Boss backed away from the door and looked at MaryAnne. The waitress came over to see what was the problem and her nose was suddenly assaulted in a foul smelling odor.

“Gack...ugh!” She grabbed Boss’s arm and they hurried out the front door of the Boar’s Nest, to fresh air. They stood by the Caddy coughing and breathing in better air.

Ol’ Hughie wasn’t kiddin’ when he said he was a stinker.

“What the heck was that?” MaryAnne asked.

“Another prank!” Boss rasped. “Grrr them Dukes have really gone too far this time! Yer car and a stink bomb! Oooh, if I get my hands on them boys...”

“You better save one of ‘em for me,” MaryAnne said. She walked over to the doorway of the Boar’s Nest and pulled the “Closed” sign from the entry way. She quickly closed the door and hung the sign on the front of the double door entrance.

“Awright, let’s get back to town,” Boss said. “The Boar’s Nest sure ain’t gonna be open for business after that!” He and MaryAnne walked back to his Caddy.

“I wanna know how the heck they got my car in there...” MaryAnne muttered as she got in the passenger seat.

Hughie and his henchmen, meanwhile, were getting their yucks. They watched as the white Cadillac drove away.

“What do we do now?”

“We wait for Uncle Boss to retaliate against the Dukes...and then we retaliate on behalf of the Dukes.” Hughie smirked. “Ain’t we nice...”

Well, as Duke luck would have it, Bo and Luke were in town when Boss and MaryAnne returned. And they were sure in for a surprise...

MaryAnne spotted the General Lee in front of Rhuebottom’s General Store.

“There’s the Dukes now,” she said, pointing. Boss passed around the courthouse and went straight to Rhuebottom’s.

Bo and Luke looked up from the bags they placed in the trunk of the General to see the Caddy come to a quick stop. Seeing Boss leap out of the car head up about something was one thing, but seeing MaryAnne with the same look made the boys pause. Neither had a chance to say good morning or anything when MaryAnne came right to the point.

“Ya know, it's one thing to have some practical joking going on between you and Rosco, but you boys have really overstepped it now. Your little surprise at the Boars' Nest this morning was not funny. You're gonna buy me four new tires and get Maverick out of the bar and back at my barn by the end of the day or else there will be very serious consequences!"

“What the--?? MaryAnne, wait a minute--” Luke started to sputter when Boss cut him off with more.

“AND! You boys can expect to owe me for the lost revenue from the Boar’s Nest today because of the car and the stink bomb you left there! And you may owe for more depending how long it takes to get the Boar’s Nest back in shape!”

“Stink bomb?” Bo said. “What are you guys talkin’ about??”

MaryAnne looked at Boss and rolled her eyes, she then turned and marched to the courthouse.

“Bah!” was all Boss had to say. He poked his cigar in his mouth and walked back to his Caddy. The tires yelped as the car backed up and Bo and Luke looked at each other.

“What the heck was that all about??” Bo wondered.

“Hey y’all!” Cooter called, coming over from the garage. He’d witnessed the whole thing. “What the heck was that?”

“I dunno, Boss and MaryAnne both accuse me and Bo of leaving a stink bomb and Maverick inside the Boar’s Nest.”

“Huh.” Cooter looked down the road as the Cadillac went around the front side of the courthouse. “I can see Boss Hogg comin’ atchya with something wild like that but...MaryAnne??”

“That’s about our reaction too,” Luke said. “Look, let’s get this stuff back to the farm and then we’ll drive out to the Boar’s Nest and see what’s going on.”

“Hollar if ya need me.”

“You know it, Cooter,” Bo said. He closed the trunk and then he and Luke slid into the windows of the General. The car roared to life and then drove away.

After dropping off the groceries at the farm, and explaining to Jesse their latest predicament, the boys headed out to the Boar’s Nest. Hughie and his crew, meanwhile, were back in town waiting for Boss’s next move.

After parking the General, Bo and Luke walked up to the front door of the Boar’s Nest. They found the door unlocked, Boss and MaryAnne having left it unlocked in their haste to leave. The foul smell had remained and Bo and Luke had to pull their shirts up over their mouths.

“God...” Luke gagged. They came into the bar and found Maverick sitting the same way MaryAnne and Boss had seen the car.

“How the heck would somebody get a car in here to begin with?” Bo asked.

Luke just shook his head and walked up to the Firebird to inspect it. He saw the flat tires and the table cloth, but otherwise the car was unscathed. He even glanced back at the front doors but knew there was no way a car could have come in that way.

Bo walked over to Boss’s office and peered in, seeing the remains of the surprise that had been left behind. “Here’s the stink bomb, Luke.”

Luke walked over and looked in the office. The container that contained the offensive material had been knocked over when the door opened, popping the lid off.

“Why don’t we put the lid back on that?” Luke suggested. The boys did and then decided they couldn’t stand breathing through their shirts anymore and they quickly vacated the Boar’s Nest.

Back out by the General they paused to breathe in better air. Bo looked at Luke. “Any ideas?”

“No, nothing. Like you I’m still tryin’ to figure out how the heck you get a car inside there.” He turned back and looked at the building, finding the facade was not giving him an answer. "I think somebody else is trying to cash in on our practical joking."

"Like who?"

"Don't know, but we better go talk to Rosco and try to convince him and MaryAnne AND Boss that we didn't do this."

“And which patron saint do we pray to while we’re heading back to town?”

“All of ‘em,” Luke replied. “’Cuz we’re gonna need ‘em.”

The boys slid into the General and the car left a cloud of dust behind as it headed towards town.

Well, the boys had about as much luck convincing Boss, Rosco and MaryAnne of their innocence as they would have had tryin’ to pull teeth.

Bo and Luke walked out of the courthouse, defeated. The paused by the General, the disgusted look on Bo’s face could have flattened a fresh loaf of bread. He looked at his equally disgusted cousin.

“Now what do we do?” he asked.

“Find out who stole Maverick,” Luke replied. “And bring ‘em to MaryAnne, personal like...c’mon...”

Inside the courthouse, Boss, MaryAnne and Rosco watched from the window as the General drove away.

“I’d like to slap a set of steer horns on the hood of the General,” MaryAnne muttered.

“Oooh! You know what we could do to get back at them?” Rosco said. “We snatch the General Lee, paint it white, chop the top off and then slap the steer horns on it. Khee!”

“Heh heh,” Boss chuckled. “I kinda like that idea.”

“Welllll...” MaryAnne said. “Bo and Luke ain’t done that much damage. I mean, Maverick needs tires and your patrol car needs a paint job is all.”

“You forgetting they welded the doors shut on Cletus’s car?” Rosco said.

“They can be unwelded. But you chop a top off a car, you can’t really put it back. And besides that, Bo and Luke would kill you.” MaryAnne paused. “Of course, if they were to think it was the General and then find it wasn’t....” She looked at Rosco and grinned. “Wanna take a ride over to Finchburg?”

* * *

Bo and Luke returned to the Boar’s Nest to try to find a clue that might tell them who was responsible for the prank. They left General Lee parked out front and went around to the back of the Boar’s Nest.

“What are we lookin’ for?” Bo asked.

“Tire tracks. Maverick didn’t sprout feet and walk in the front door. There must be false panel or something. Jesse always said that this used to be a warehouse where Boss stored his whiskey, there was probably a docking door somewhere....”

“You mean like right about here?” Bo pointed down to the ground. Luke looked and saw fresh tire tracks that seemed to disappear into the wall.

“Looks like Maverick’s tread.” He looked up at the wall and then both he and Bo stepped closer to investigate. After a few minutes, they discovered a portion of the wall, about the size of a single garage door, swung upward from the ground.

“Well would you look at that,” Bo chuckled. “Just when ya thought you knew a place!”

“Yeah, really.” The boys lifted the panel enough to look into the Boar’s Nest and saw the rear of Maverick was lined up perfectly with the tire tracks. “Well,” Luke said, “it doesn’t tell us who, but at least we know how.”

“How are we gonna figure out who?”

“Let’s go talk to Jesse. He might have an idea of who else in Hazzard would know about this thing.” They put the panel back in place and secured it as they had found it. They returned to the front of the Boar’s Nest and the General and were soon heading back to the farm.

Rosco and MaryAnne meanwhile, were standing in the Finchburg County junk yard. Loaded on a trailer behind Rosco’s worse for wear LeMans and covered under a tarp was a car they were going to borrow for just a little while.

“I think you’ve finally flipped there, Miss MaryAnne,” the junk yard owner, Jeb, said. He scratched his head. “I mean, I can see takin’ the car for parts but...” he shook his head and laughed.

MaryAnne smiled. “It’ll all be worth it. And we’ll bring it back when we’re done.”

“I ain’t sure I wanna see it back.”

“Khee!” Rosco said.

As they drove back to Hazzard, Rosco looked out the back window at the tarp covered car.

“I dunno why we can’t just use the real General,” he said.

“Because this is cheaper than having to put the real General back together,” MaryAnne replied, guiding the LeMans over the dirt road. “Besides, it’s gonna give them a coronary and a clear message one way or the other.” She grinned.

Rosco laughed. “I’m just glad yer on my side. Khee!”

The LeMans drove through town and headed straight for the impound yard. Cooter saw the sight but figured that Maverick was under the tarp and he turned back to his work.

Hidden in the police impound, Rosco and MaryAnne went to work on their project, snickering and khee’ing through the whole thing.

While Rosco and MaryAnne were preparin’ their trick, Bo and Luke were holding conference with Jesse, about the Boar’s Nest back in the old days.

“Well,” Jesse said, propping an elbow on the kitchen table, “that old warehouse had two garage doors actually. The front entrance was a door panel. I figured he had the back one taken out completely, but from what you’ve told me he didn’t.”

“It opened right up,” Bo said. “We know that’s how Maverick got in there but...who else in Hazzard would know that panel was still there?”

“J.D. would be the only one I can think of,” Jesse replied.

Luke was quiet in thought. “What about Hughie?”

“Hughie?” Bo said. “Shoot, I know he’s in town but why would he steal MaryAnne’s car?”

“I dunno, but would he know the panel was there?” Luke looked at Jesse.

Jesse shrugged. “He might. But like Bo said, why would he steal MaryAnne’s car?”

“Hughie has an angle to everything he does,” Luke said. “I can’t figure why he would steal the car but...I wouldn’t rule him out of this caper. After all, he is back in town and apparently hasn’t left. He’s probably got Boss tied up into something.”

“Which usually spells trouble for us,” Bo said. “I guess we better keep on our toes.”

Luke nodded.

“Aaaand, you better knock off the jokin’ with Rosco,” Jesse said.

The boys grinned. “Shucks,” Bo said. “And I was just thinkin’ of a way to get back at him one more time.”

Jesse scowled but then laughed.

Night time in Hazzard brings out the strangest critters. Like two enterprising Coltranes....

Rosco’s old LeMans was parked down the road from the Duke farm but with clear view of the farmhouse. MaryAnne watched from the passenger seat and tugged on Rosco’s shirt sleeve, waking the Sheriff up. He gave a short snore and opened his eyes.

“Their lights have been out for about 15 minutes,” she said. “C’mon...” Quietly they got out of the LeMans and snuck onto the Duke property.

“Ain’t you done this once before?” he asked, being smart.

“Yes, I have. I’m very experienced in stealin’ Chargers,” she shot back with a grin. “Now just hush and do as your told.”

“Khee....”

They made it to the General, that was parked across the yard from the porch. They both paused and looked towards the farmhouse. It remained dark. MaryAnne pointed to the back of the General and Rosco nodded. As she slid into the driver’s seat, he waited for the tail lights to blink briefly before giving the car a push.

They rolled the car out of the yard and parked it several feet down the road, past where the LeMans sat with the other car attached behind it. They then unattached the other car, moved the LeMans out of the way and pushed the other car down the road and into the Duke yard. MaryAnne stepped out of the car and brought something else out with her. She attached the object to the hood of the white car and then scurried off the Duke property with Rosco. Back down the road, Rosco jumped into the LeMans and MaryAnne hot-wired the General. The two cars disappeared into the dark heading back to town.

The followin’ mornin’...well...

Jesse was the first one to walk out of the farm house. At first he hardly looked in the direction of the General until the white caught the corner of this eye. He turned to look.

There, sat a white 1969 Dodge Charger, crudely chopped into a convertible with a pair of steer horns sitting on the end of the hood. Jesse stared at the sight and then ignoring the chickens clucking at his feet, ran over to it.

“What in tarnation....what happened to the General Lee?!?” He looked the car over, found a hand made paper license plate that said “BOSS-1” and immediately turned back towards the farm house. “BOYS!!!”

A moment later, Bo and Luke came running out of the farm house with Daisy hot on their heels. They stopped in their tracks and stared at the white, chopped Charger.

“Oh my Lord!” Daisy exclaimed.

“Oh no....” Bo said. “NOOOO!”

“I don’t believe this!” Luke added, taking a few quick steps towards the car with Bo. They both looked into the car and at the place where the back window and sail panels once were. Their faces were both stricken and clouded with anger at the same time. Who would deliberately chop their car??

Bo slammed his hand on the hood of the white Charger. “Rosco’s crossed the line this time, Luke!”

“Now just hold a minute here,” Jesse said. “Although I don’t like what’s happened to the General here, we gotta remember that MaryAnne’s car was stolen by somebody yesterday and it’s possible whoever did that did this.”

“Or it’s possible that Rosco, in believing we did that, decided to strike back in this fashion. He ain’t gonna be able to finish what he started,” Luke growled.

“Luke’s right, Uncle Jesse,” Daisy said. “Rosco would probably be the first one to do something like this to the General Lee!”

Almost as if on cue, the sound of an approaching car drew the Dukes attention away from the chopped Charger. Bo immediately recognized the old LeMans and made a beeline for the farm house. He then came running back out with bow and dynamite arrow in hand, joining back up with his family. He took aim as the LeMans came to a stop.

“Bo,” Luke said. “Now Bo, wait a minute--don’t!”

“I just wanna let ‘em know how I feel, Luke!”

“Bo, you’ll blow us all to kingdom come!” Jesse hollared.

Rosco looked at Bo. “Ijit...I think we came at a bad time, MaryAnne.” MaryAnne leaned across him to peer out the window.

“Nah,” she said and looked straight at Bo and Luke. “As I made it clear yesterday that if my car was not out of the Boar’s Nest and back in my barn before sun down with four new tires on it, there would be serious consequences.” She grinned ruefully. “How ya like my homage to Boss Hogg? He helped!”

“Khee!”

Bo stepped right up to the window of the LeMans, keeping the arrow pointed into it at Rosco and MaryAnne, eliciting another “jit!” from Rosco. “We told you yesterday that we had nothin’ to do with Maverick endin’ up in the Boar’s Nest! How could you do something like this to the General?!?”

Rosco was eyeballing the stick of dynamite. “Oooh, uh....”

“Oh now Bo, I didn’t do nothin’ to the General and neither did Rosco here.” MaryAnne tilted her head towards the Charger. “Go open the doors....” she ducked back into the LeMans and Rosco stepped on the gas, sending the Pontiac out of the yard with dust.

The Dukes watched the car leave and Bo nearly let the arrow go but was stopped by Luke. “Hold on,” he said. Although they were just as angry as before, they were now a little confused. Daisy stepped to the passenger door of the Charger and pulled the handle.The door popped open normally.

She gasped.

Bo and Luke turned to look and upon inspection of the door, found no evidence of the door having ever been welded. The chopped Charger in front of them was indeed not the General Lee.

Jesse opened the driver door to be sure himself. “Well now,” he said. “I guess it’s not really the General!”

“I guess not!” Daisy said. She laughed in relief and even the boys cracked a smile.

“They had us goin’ good tho’,” Luke said. He looked at Bo. “And you were ready to blow ‘em sky high.”

“Weren’t you??” Bo replied with grin. He took a deep breath. “I really thought they chopped the General.”

“Yeah. All the same tho’, that means they have the General and he’s probably stashed away somewhere,” Luke said. “We gotta find out who the heck took Maverick. It might be the only way we get the General back.”

“Yeah.” Bo gave Luke a mischievous look. “I’ve the feelin’ we’re gonna be pretty busy today.”

Ol’ Bo and Luke had a lil’ surprise in mind for Rosco, and with help from Cooter had it all set up by noon time.

Cooter parked a similar looking brown Pontiac LeMans down the street from his garage and across from the courthouse putting it in clear view of the doorway. He got out of the car and took quick steps back to the garage, where Bo and Luke were waiting.

“All set,” he said.

“Awright,” Luke said with a grin. “All we do now is wait.”

“Hehehehheheheheh,” Cooter laughed. “Ol’ Rosco’s gonna wish he hadn’t come back to town!”

“Ol’ Rosco’s gonna wish he never plugged the General’s tail pipes to begin with.” Bo corrected.

“Amen to that!” Cooter said.

Of course, Rosco came into town not suspectin’ a thing. Which was normal. He never suspected nothin'.

Bo and Luke stood with Cooter inside the garage, watching the courthouse. When they saw Rosco pull up, in MaryAnne’s patrol car, Cooter chuckled deviously.

“Well, Lukas,” Bo said with a grin. “There he is.”

Luke smiled. “Yep.” The boys readied a dynamite arrow to their bows. They then walked out of the garage and started to head across the street.

“Heh heh! Go get ‘em y’all!” Cooter called.

“HEY ROSCO!”

Rosco was half way up the steps and he turned. “Huh? What?”

“THAT’S YOUR CAR PARKED DOWN PAST RHEUBOTTOM’S, RIGHT?”

“Uh...” Rosco noticed the boys were armed with their bows and dynamite arrows. That was a bad sign. He looked down the street and saw the brown Pontiac LeMans. That was even worse.

“...yeah, that’s my car--OooJIT!!” he exclaimed, seeing Bo take aim. “BOYS, WAIT! DON’T DO IT!”

“Ready?” Luke asked his cousin.

“Yep.”

“Fire away.”

“JIT JIT!! BO!! NOOOOO!!!”

The arrow sailed down the street and touched the LeMans for a brief second between the hood and windshield before igniting the whole front of the car into a fireball, ripping the front fenders off and blowing the hood into the sky. Rosco dove to the pavement.

“Hooo...blows up nice,” Bo said. He grinned at his cousin. “Wanna give it a shot?”

“Be glad to!”

Rosco got to his knees and looked at the boys, seeing Luke take aim now. There was no sense protesting, the car was already destroyed. He painfully watched Luke’s arrow touchdown near the back side of the car and blow the trunk out.

“YOU SURE THAT WAS YOUR CAR, ROSCO??”

Rosco stared at his torched Pontiac and then suddenly fell sideways, fainting.

“Yep, I guess that was his car,” Bo grinned. “Whups, I think we gave him a coronary there, Luke.”

“Sure e’nuff.”

The door of the courthouse popped open and the boys saw MaryAnne come running out. “What in the world--??” She quickly assessed the situation, saw the crispy car and Rosco on the ground and then saw Bo and Luke standing with empty bows. “BO
AND LUKE DUKE!!!
” She ran after them.

“Uh oh...” The boys bolted back towards the garage ahead of MaryAnne and jumped in Daisy’s Jeep, taking off before MaryAnne could catch up with them. She stopped running and let them go and turned back towards the courthouse, running over to Rosco.

She kneeled down to her cousin. “Rosco? You awrignt??” She turned him onto his back and gently patted his face. After a moment, his eyes fluttered open.

“There ya are...” she said. He looked up at her and then reached his arm out. She helped him to sit up.“You awright?” she asked.

Rosco paused, looked at his burnt car and then looked at MaryAnne. “No! They blew up my car, them dang Dukes!!”

“Yeah, I can see they blew up your car.” She paused. “Why didn’t I think of doing that?”

“To my car??

“No! To theirs! Well, not really to theirs but...”

“Well go ahead! We still got the dang thing hid away!” He pulled away from her grip and moved to stand up. MaryAnne gave him a steady hand and then stepped back as he brushed his uniform off. “I’m sorry...but, that’s it. I’ve had enough.”

“We’ll get ‘em back....”

“No, I mean that’s it. We call a truce.”

“But Rosco, they blew up your car!”

“I don’t care, this has gone on long enough! They win! The heck with it!”

“We were just gettin’ started!”

“It ends, here.” His voice was firm and the decision was final. He turned and started walking towards the backside of the courthouse and the impound yard. MaryAnne followed.

Cooter took the responsibility of putting out the remaining flames of the car and then brought his tow truck into position to move the car once it cooled off enough. He overheard Rosco and MaryAnne talking and watched as Rosco was marching towards the impound. He waited until the Sheriff went around the corner....

....and stopped. Parked in front of him was his real LeMans.

“THIS COULDA BEEN YOUR LEMANS, EH ROSCO?!”

Rosco and MaryAnne both stared at the Pontiac and then heard Cooter laughing as he went about his work. “Jit jit!” The Sheriff went to the driver door and pulled it open. Upon inspecting the interior of the car and finding the few Tootsie Roll wrappers in the ash tray, he knew it was his. “KHEE! It is mine!!”

“They didn’t blow up your car!”

“No! Khee!” He jumped out of the car, grinning.

“That mean we can get back at ‘em??” MaryAnne asked.

“No...” Rosco shook his head. “Absolutely not.”

“Aww Rosco...ain’t like ya to give in like this.”

Rosco looked at her. “I ain’t got no dynamite!”

MaryAnne softly chuckled. “Awright, awright...we’ll call a truce.”

While Rosco and MaryAnne were getting ready to wave a white flag to the Dukes, Boss was about see red flags in his deal with Hughie.

Boss and Hughie passed Rosco and MaryAnne as they were heading into the courthouse.

“Rosco, what was that burnt out car attached to the back of Cooter’s tow truck?” Boss asked.

“Bo and Luke Duke blew up a car with their dynamite arrows,” Rosco replied.

Hughie was looking at MaryAnne.

“Bo and Luke---argh! Rosco, these shenanigans have got to stop. All I can see comin’ out of all this is it being bad for business. Mine!”

MaryAnne caught Hughie looking at her and his eye brows fluttered. MaryAnne just rolled her eyes in response.

Before Rosco could explain to Boss that he and MaryAnne were going to call a truce, Boss threw his hands up and turned to walk into the courthouse. Hughie gave MaryAnne a parting smile and followed his uncle.

MaryAnne turned to Rosco and gagged. The Sheriff chuckled and put an arm around his cousin, walking with her to her patrol car.

Boss and Hughie settled into Boss’s office and concluded their business deal, signing all the appropriate documents. Boss gave Hughie $150,000 in cash and grinned as he signed the final paper.

“Yeah...heh heh, we’ll be rollin’ in dough when all that oil starts to flow!” Boss handed the document to Hughie, who smiled.

“You mean I’ll be rollin’ in dough.” Hughie threw the paper into a briefcase and looked at Boss. “Because there ain’t no oil on that land.”

“Wha--??”

Hughie leapt up from his chair. “It’s been a pleasure doing business with ya Uncle Boss!” he called as he ran out of the office.

“AAAHH!! HUGHIEEEEE!!!” Boss bolted up and ran after his nephew. Hughie ran like hell out of the booking room and down the hall. He burst out of the front doors of the courthouse, leaping down the stairs. He made it to his VW Bug just
as Boss was coming out of the courthouse. “HUGHIE!!”

The little Beetle revved and pulled away, leaving Boss on the sidewalk. “Dang blast you Hughie Hogg!”

Looks like Boss’s red flag came in a white VW Bug.

Meanwhile, the General Lee flew over the dirt road, a Hazzard County squad car directly behind it with siren blaring and lights flashing.

MaryAnne picked up the CB mike. “Rosco, what the heck are you doing?”

“Sorry, sweetheart, the General Lee’s in front of me so I’m in hot pursuit! Khee!”

MaryAnne laughed. “Awright then, if that’s the way you feel about it...” she dropped the mike and shifted the General into a higher gear, pulling away from the patrol car.

At the Duke farm, the Dukes were all outdoors tending to various chores and could hear the siren and the sound of a thundering exhaust. They each stopped what they were doing and listened as the sound came closer.

“What in tarnation...?” Jesse said.

The strains of “Dixie” mixed with the sound of a racing engine and wailing siren. The Dukes all looked towards the drive and watched as their own General Lee and a white patrol car came around the corner into their yard, coming to a dust choking stop.

MaryAnne waved a white flag out the window and as the dust cleared away, Bo and Luke started to walk over, laughing.

“Rosco just can’t follow this car with giving chase. Khee! We come in peace...as opposed to in pieces,” MaryAnne said with a smile.

“Y’all had enough huh?” Bo asked.

“Oh, not me.” She pointed her flag back towards Rosco, who was walking towards the General. “Him. Ya did ‘em in with blowin’ up that duplicate LeMans.”

The boys laughed and MaryAnne slid out through the window.

“Put a quiver in my liver, that’s fer sure...” Rosco said.

“Just imagine what we really would have done with your car,” Luke said.

“Jit!” Rosco looked at his cousin. “MaryAnne, will you hurry it up? We ain’t got all day to be lollygagin’ with these Dukes.”

MaryAnne giggled. “Anyway, we call a truce and we return to ya the General here. I wiped him down and he’s got a full tank of gas for ya.”

The boys nodded. “Much obliged,” Luke said. “Tell ya what, me and Bo will go with ya to the Boar’s Nest, we’ll help ya get Maverick outta there.”

MaryAnne nodded. “Awright,” she said. “It’s about time.”

“MaryAnne, honey, you still don’t think these boys did that do you?” Daisy asked.

She thought about it for a moment. “I don’t really care,” she said in reply. “I just want my car back.”

“And you’ll get ‘em back,” Bo said. “Why don’t ya just hop in the General here...”

MaryAnne turned to Rosco. “I’ll see ya in town.”

“Awright,” Rosco said. “You boys behave huh?”

They laughed. “Yes, sir, Sheriff!”

Well it took the boys, with help from Cooter, a good half an hour to get Maverick out of the Boar’s Nest. While they did that, MaryAnne opened the inside and outside doors to Boss’s office and the front door of the Boar’s Nest to let air circulate through and take some of the smell out.

Cooter looked to make sure MaryAnne was out of earshot and then looked at the boys. “She still think y’all did this?”

“I think she does,” Luke said. “But I think she’s following an innocent until proven guilty thought.”

“Well, that’s more than ol’ Rosco would do.”

The boys chuckled. “You got that right.”

After getting Maverick out of the Boar’s Nest, the boys headed back home to get some chores done....before Jesse started hollarin’. The work took them to the back forty, leavin’ the General alone and unattended in the yard.....

Hughie and one of his henchmen had observed the Duke farm and when they noticed that all of the Dukes were busy away from the homestead, and thus the General, they quickly drove onto the Duke property. In less than five minutes, they had attached a set of gumballs to the top of the General and partially covered the 01 on the doors with gold Hazzard County Sheriff’s decals.

“Welcome to the Hazzard County Sheriff’s Department, General Lee,” Hughie snickered.

* * *

The doors to the booking room burst open and Bo and Luke walked through looking like a couple of very unhappy customers.

“Uh oh,” MaryAnne said from the booking desk. “You two look mad enough to spit nails.”

“We are,” Luke said.

Somebody went and slapped a set of police lights and Sheriff’s department door decals on the General,” Bo explained. His tone and look were accusatory towards MaryAnne and Rosco, who stood just behind his cousin.

“Wait a minute, you don’t think it was us do you??” MaryAnne asked.

The boys looks answered that.

“Fellas, I’ve been either over at Cooter’s or here since I got back!” MaryAnne said. “And Rosco’s been out on patrol. Although, Enos said he noticed that one of the cars had it’s set of gumballs missing.”

“That’s right,” Rosco said. “MaryAnne and I ain’t had time to drive all they way out to your farm to put a set of gumballs on the General Lee.”

“I’m sure you two made time,” Luke said. “I’m surprised y’all weren’t there when we discovered it so you could get your giggles. C’mon, Bo.”

“Wait a minute,” MaryAnne said, suddenly hit with an idea. “Wait a minute,” she repeated before the boys could leave the booking room. She stood up and came down to the middle of the booking room. “Now you fellas say you didn’t put Maverick in the Boar’s Nest, right?”

“That’s right, we didn’t. We told you that,” Bo replied heatedly.

“Now hold on, I’m inclined to believe ya now and I’ll tell ya why. Exactly like you said, we weren’t there when ya found the General. After every joke you boys pulled you claimed it, either by being there when we discovered it or goin’ outta your way to make a comment and get your yucks. Same with Rosco here. Y’all weren’t at the Boar’s Nest when Boss and I found Maverick and Rosco and I weren’t at the farm or show up sometime after when y’all found the General with gumballs.”

Bo and Luke considered this and came off their defense, walking back into the booking room.

“Now all that being true in fact,” MaryAnne continued, “who the heck did put Maverick in the Boar’s Nest and slap Sheriff’s stars and gumballs on the General??”

“I think it might be Hughie,” Luke said.

“Hughie?” Rosco said.

“Hughie Hogg?” MaryAnne looked at Rosco. “Ain’t that Boss’s nephew? That lil’ piglet we saw earlier today, in the white suit that was making those stupid faces at me?”

The boys laughed. “So you met Hughie huh?” Bo asked.

“Well, not formally. Boss didn’t introduce him to me, which is just as well. But if he’s here with some deal with Boss, what’s he pickin’ on us for?”

“Knowing Hughie, it all ties in somehow,” Luke said. “The only other person who would remember that that door panel was still on the back side of the Boar’s Nest might be Hughie. I mean, we all remember when the place became the Boar’s Nest but Hughie actually worked for Boss that summer when it was converted over.”

MaryAnne nodded. “Good point. But I still don’t understand why he’s trying to cash in on our jokin’. And if it is him, he’s not aware we’ve called a truce.”

“Which means there might be more booby traps,” Bo said.

“What we need to do is find out what he’s got goin’ with Boss,” Luke said and looked at Rosco. “Has Boss told you anything?”

Rosco shook his head. “Not a thing.”

“Nothing?” Bo said. “That’s weird. I thought Boss told you everything.”

“Ol’ Rosco’s on a strictly need-to-know basis with Boss,” MaryAnne said. “Boss decides strictly what he needs to know and when.”

“Well maybe you can convince Boss that you need to know,” Luke said to the Sheriff.

“I’m sure there’s a reason why he ain’t said anything to me. But I can try.”

“Awright. When ya find out, give us a hollar on the CB. Considerin’ our combined experiences, we might be able to outjoke Hughie.”

“Oooh,” MaryAnne said and grinned. “Can we blow up his car?”

“Khee!”

All of them laughed.

* * *

A little later when Rosco came back from patrol, he found Boss in his courthouse office. He poked his head in.

“Boss? Can I ask ya a question?”

Boss looked up and Rosco noted his brother-in-law didn’t look very happy. “What?”

“What’s Hughie hangin’ around town for?” Rosco asked, coming into the office.

“You ain’t got nothin’ tied up with him do ya?”

“Rosco,” Boss said, “I have a terrible confession to make.”

“You do?”

“Yeah,” Boss sniveled. “Sit down.”

“That terrible??” Rosco sat down in a chair at the front of the desk.

“Hughie came here sayin’ that this piece of land he’s got over in Hatchapie County has oil under it.”

“Ooooh!” When Boss’s unhappy look didn’t change, Rosco realized what it meant. “Oh, jit jit, you didn’t believe him did ya?”

Boss nodded. “I did. I entered into a deal with him to give him some working capital to start up more oil rigs. I gave him $150,000 in cash and holdings to the gravel pit and the trucking company.”

“Only he snookered ya.”

“Yeah, he snookered me.”

“So what’s your terrible confession?”

“Well....assuming that the deal was legit I...wasn’t...plannin’ on cuttin’ you in.” Boss cringed.

“What?!? You weren’t gonna cut me in?!?

Boss shook his head.

“You fat lil’ meadowmuffin! If that had been a legitimate deal you were just gonna leave me in dust, is that it?? Your own brother-in-law....”

“Rosco, I know I coulda potentially done ya wrong with this deal but...you gotta help me get them holdin’s back!”

“Why should I help you?? The least I can do is thank you for not cuttin’ me on that rotten deal! Can’t lose nothin’ I didn’t gain.”

“Rosco, you don’t understand. I signed away enough for Hughie to make some real trouble here in Hazzard County, not the least of which could cost you your job!”

“My job?? You made the deal with him!”

“If Hughie manages to take over the commissionership--it’ll mean the end of your job!”

“Jitjit! What the heck possessed you to go into a deal with Hughie to begin with?? You know he’s never done nothin’ right by you ever before.”

“I know, Rosco, I know...” Boss made a face. “It’s greed, Rosco. Pure, Hoggadultarated GREED.”

“Well, you sure got plenty of that.” Rosco picked up the CB mike on Boss’s desk.

“What are you doin’?”

“I’m callin’ MaryAnne. Just hush.” He clicked the talk button. “Songbird, you got yer ears on?”

“Go ahead, Bear.”

“Listen, I got an answer to our mutual question but uh...I don’t think y’all gonna like the answer. You wanna round up them Lost Sheep and head on over here to the courthouse?”

“Ten-four, Bear. Lost Sheep, you copy?”

“Loud and clear, Songbird. We’re headin’ to town,” Luke replied.

“Aaah!” Bos exclaimed. “What are you bringing them dang blasted Duke boys here for?”

“Because you’re gonna need all the help you can get. Besides, the boys and MaryAnne believe, as do I, that Hughie put Maverick in the Boar’s Nest and he even went and slapped a set of gumballs on the General Lee, so they’ve got a personal interest in all this too.”

“My goodness...that boy’s been busy.”

So the boys, along with Daisy, met up with MaryAnne at the courthouse and Boss explained the deal that went south. Of course, he left out the part about not cuttin’ Rosco in on the deal, but he did tell them that he had given Hughie $150,000 and holdin’s to his truckin’ company and gravel company to make up the difference.

“What do I do?” Boss asked when he finished.

Everyone was quiet in thought. “Maybe you could convince Hughie that everything you signed over to him was fake?” MaryAnne suggested.

Luke grinned. “You can do one better. You let Hughie think he’s received stuff that’s marred in legal problems.”

“What kind of legal problems?” Daisy asked.

“Well, I’m thinkin’ like violations of OSHA and the EPA and whatever other alphabet soup organizations we can come up with,” Luke said.

“Heh heh! I like your thinkin’!” Boss said.

“We bring in fake inspectors and bombard Hughie with violations, notices of pending action and he’ll be beggin’ you to take back everything.”

“But how do I get the $150,000 back?”

“You either demand blood money from Hughie for your...time and expense, or, in addition to taking back the “rotten” holdings, you have Hughie buy out your interest in that piece of land.”

“But that land’s worthless and Hughie knows it,” Rosco said. “What would make him buy back that interest?”

“Well, I’m hoping Hughie’s never had a legitimate geological survey done on that land. We may be able to convince him that the land has another kind of value, like maybe there’s silver ore underneath or something. The trick is to make sure Hughie hasn’t had any survey’s done to the land and to make sure of that I’m thinkin’ we can send Daisy and MaryAnne here over to Hatchapie County to check with the courthouse over there.”

“We can do that,” Daisy said. MaryAnne nodded.

“Awright. In the time the girls are doing that, we can start making Hughie’s life difficult.” Luke looked at Boss. “Got some cronies that could play OSHA and EPA inspectors?”

“Yeah.”

Luke’s plan basically consisted of convincing Hughie that everything Boss signed over to him was marred in legal problems, thus making Hughie feel like the sucker. While MaryAnne and Daisy went to do research over in Hatchapie, Boss found a few of his cronies to play fake officers of the Environmental Protection Agency and the Occupational, Safety and Health Administration. You know, I suppose it’s a good thing that the Dukes, Boss and Rosco don’t join forces more often. But when they do? Boy howdy, you sure do get your money’s worth....

It took Boss a couple of days to get his “inspectors” together and tell them what the plan was. In that time, Daisy and MaryAnne gathered what they could at the courthouse in Hatchapie and received verification that no geological surveys had been filed on Hughie’s parcel of land.

At a meeting of the minds at the Boar’s Nest, Daisy and MaryAnne shared what they had with the boys, Boss and Rosco.

“Good work, girls,” Luke said.

“Ya done real good,” Boss concurred.

“Awright, now what we gotta do is figure out how to put together a phony geological survey,” Luke said.

“I know somebody in Atlanta who might be able to help with that,” MaryAnne suggested.

“You do??” Boss said.

“Khee! She’s practically got the entire city of Atlanta in her back pocket,” Rosco said.

MaryAnne smiled and everyone chuckled. “Close,” she said. “Anyway, Daisy and I can drive there tomorrow, can probably have the report put together in a day.”

“That oughta work out good,” Luke said. He looked at Boss. “You’ve got your fake inspectors ready to go?”

Boss nodded. “They’re ready.”

“Okay, Cooter says he’s seen Hughie here around lunch time in the last couple of days. I figure once Hughie over hears me and Bo shootin’ the breeze about him over a beer, that’ll set the ball in motion.”

Like clockwork, Hughie was at the Boar’s Nest at lunch time a couple days later.

"I've seen Boss pull some dirty tricks, Luke...” he overheard Bo say, “ but I can't believe he'd do this to his own nephew. Even if it is Hughie."

"You got that right."

Hughie kept listenin’ but didn’t get any details. He soon left the Boar’s Nest and went to town, sneaking into the booking room where he spotted Boss’s office door was open a ways.

"That Hughie! Thinkin' I'd give up my truckin’ company and the gravel pit to the likes of him without havin' me a real good reason! Heh heh heh!”

“Khee!” Rosco laughed. He then stopped. “Uh...what is your real good reason?”

“Dummy! The OSHA people...” Boss hissed. “Plus the EPA wanted to ask me a few questions about the gravel pit...”

“Oh...oooh...jit jit, I forgot about that.”

“Yeah...heh heh, now Hughie’s gonna have to answer ‘em. Heh!”

“Khee khee!”

Hughie quietly walked out of the booking room and left the courthouse with a confused look on his face. Boss had seemed genuinely upset when Hughie pulled the shuck and jive on him -- but then again, Boss could pull just as fast of a fast one too. And it was possible Boss somehow found out the deal was a con before they got to the bargaining table. But, sacrifice $150,000?

With these thoughts in mind, Hughie drove his Beetle back to the office of the trucking company. He hardly noticed the two indiscreet four door sedans parked in the parking lot.

When he walked into the office, he saw four men seated in the small office area, taking up all the available chairs and heavily armed with clipboards. They looked official looking and had each helped themselves to a cup of the office coffee. One of the men stood up, looking at him.

“Hughie Hogg?”

“Yeah, I’m Hughie Hogg. What can I do for you gentlemen?”

The one that spoke removed a business card from his jacket pocket. “We’re from the Occupational Safety and Hazzard Administration. We understand that you’ve just recently acquired this business.”

Hughie hesitated. “Uh, yes...”

“Mr. Hogg were you aware of the pending investigations against this business entity?”

“Investigations?”

“This business is suspected of violating various state and federal regulations and laws in the concerns of the safety and well being of it’s employees.”

“That so?”

“Naturally, Mr. Hogg, any liability will fall on the assets of the company and not on yourself, unless you’ve made any personal stake into the company. My associates and I are here to determine if the company in deed is in violation of any laws or regulations.”

“Wait a minute, wait a minute. I wasn’t made aware of this at the time I acquired this business.”

“Unfortunately, Mr. Hogg, we’re not concerned with what was and wasn’t disclosed during the acquisition of this business. You’ll want to take that up with your attorney and the seller.” The man turned to his associates and they stood up. Further
protests from Hughie were ignored as the men spread out through the building, taking their pens to their clipboards and making notes.

Boss’s fake inspectors cited Hughie for everything from unsafe working conditions to serving bad coffee. The accumulated dollar amount in fines was $150,000. Hughie was fit to be tied and his mood didn’t improve any when his boys at the gravel pit called.

“Hughie! It’s Manny over at the gravel pit.”

Hughie grabbed the phone. “Yeah??”

“I got EPA dudes over here! They’re crawlin’ around this place like they own it! What do you want me to do??”

“Just sit tight, I’ll be right over.” Hughie slapped the phone down and told his henchmen where he was heading.

Over at the gravel pit, Hughie found more of the same.

“A hundred thousand dollars?!?” Hughie exclaimed, looking at the violations and fines sheet.

The three EPA “inspectors” didn’t reply as they walked out of the office of the gravel company.

Thoroughly annoyed, Hughie gathered up the violations notices and headed to town. His VW Bug came to a squealing stop in front of the courthouse.

Rosco and Cletus were in the booking room and the Sheriff looked out the window. “Oooh, that’sHughie. Boss?? Get ready for some wheelin’ and dealin’, the lil’ piglet just pulled up.”

“Heh heh! Bring ‘em on!”

“Khee!” Rosco scurried back to the booking desk and Cletus went to the other desk, both appearing busy as Hughie came marching through the door.

Rosco looked up and Cletus said, “Howdy Hughie,” but Hughie didn’t acknowledge either of them. He walked straight to his uncle’s office and then slammed the door behind him.

Cletus looked at Rosco. “Ya reckon he’s mad at something?”

Rosco snickered.

Hughie hollared and carried on for a good fifteen minutes, which hardly phased Boss. He just sat and smiled through the whole rant.

“Hughie,” Boss said, settling his cigar into the ash tray, “you woulda done the same thing to me given the chance. In fact, that’s what you tried to do with this deal but I beat ya to it. Let this be a lesson to ya Hughie Hogg, nobody can shuck and jive me and get away with it. You should know that by now...” Boss paused and picked up the fake geology report Daisy and MaryAnne had put together. “You really blew it, Hughie. You know something? That chunk of land I’m now partnered with you in....has silver under it.”

Hughie’s jaw dropped. “Silver?

Boss tossed the geology report across the desk. Hughie grabbed it up, ignored most of the two hundred pages and looked at only the first two pages, which was the geologists write up. The report was complied by a Steven Waite of DDMC Surveyors,
LLC of Atlanta, and upon his sworn statement the land covered a small silver ore, approximate dollar amount in value exceeding 1 million dollars.

Hughie’s eyes bugged out and Boss laughed.

“How about we null and void our original deal?” Hughie asked.

“How about we not? Heh....however, I might consider taking back those holdings if you want to buy out my interest in that land.”

“You’ll take ‘em back?”

“For the right price.”

Hughie paused. “How much?”

“Make me an offer.”

Hughie thought about it. “A hundred thousand.”

“Hmmm.....no...”

“$150,000.’

“Well....”

“$200,000.”

Boss looked at Hughie. That was way more than he expected to get. Hughie however took the pause as a rejection.

“$250,000! That covers the fines!”

“Deal!!” Boss shouted. “I sell back my interest in the land and take back the gravel company and trucking company for $250,000!”

Hughie concurred and they shook hands on the deal. “Awright, you git yourself back here tomorrow and we’ll sign the papers. I’ll contact the EPA and OSHA people and have them here too, so they know that you will no longer be responsible for the liabilities.”

Ol’ Hughie couldn’t get back to the courthouse the next day soon enough. Boss had one of his group of fake inspectors come in late, which made Hughie wait in the courthouse office and gave the boys, Cooter and Rosco a head start on their practical joke on Hughie.

Without causing a stir, the boys, Cooter and Rosco pushed Hughie’s Beetle over to the garage.

“Khee khee!”

“Shhh!”

“Oops, sorry!” The Beetle disappeared into the garage.

Ol’ Hughie didn’t hear nothin’. He was too busy pacin’...

Cooter handed paint guns to Bo and Luke. Rosco slapped a piece of newspaper to the windshield and pulled a piece of masking tape.

Back at the courthouse, the remaining group of fake inspectors arrived and the closing of the deal got under way. Boss stalled as long as he could, giving a few long winded speeches about good business practices and blah blah blah and that the oversights of the trucking company and the gravel pit would be addressed and taken care of immediately. Hughie signed off on the two companies happily and even forked over the $250,000 to his uncle with a smile. After all, that was chump change compared to the nearly one million dollars worth of silver ore that he thought was sitting under that land.

“Awright, there ya are Hughie,” Boss said, signing the final document that released his rights to the land. The transactions were now complete. Hughie grabbed up his documents and gleefully left the office.

When Hughie got outside, he found Bo, Luke, Cooter and Rosco lined up along the side of his car, blocking the view of it.

“Hey, Hughie,” Luke greeted.

Hughie smirked. “What do you fellas want?”

“Actually we just wanna ask ya a couple of questions,” Luke explained. “Did you put MaryAnne’s car inside the Boar’s Nest?”

“And put a set of gumballs on the General Lee?” Bo added.

“So what if I did?”

“Shoot, we was just wonderin’,” Luke said. “I mean, we can all take a joke. There’s no hard feelin’s if it was you that did it. Just want to make sure we give credit where credit is due.” Luke then stepped away from the car, followed by Bo, Cooter and
Rosco.

“No hard feelin’s Hughie!” Bo said with a laugh, as the four headed down the sidewalk. Hughie watched them go and then looked at his car.

His VW Beetle was now painted orange, with a black and white ‘01’ on not only on the doors, but on the hood ala Herbie the Love Bug.

Embarrassed, Hughie got into the car, and drove out of Hazzard Square, with everybody laughing and pointing at him.

Friends and neighbors, that’s worth more than having Hughie find out that land ain’t got no silver on it.

Despite Boss gettin’ back twice what he had originally lost to Hughie, he ended up havin’ to pay out a lot. He had to pay his fake inspectors, then he had to pay for gettin’ Rosco and Cletus’s patrol cars back in shape, reimburse MaryAnne for tires, pay to have the Boar’s Nest fumigated and then make a hefty donation to the county orphanage, at the encouragement of the Dukes.

Boss had quite a full house in his office as he counted out bills to everyone that was demanding something, and all with a pained expression on his face.

“Thank ya, Boss,” MaryAnne said with a smile. She pocketed the money and Boss sighed in relief. She was the last one in the line.

“Hey y’all,” Bo said, holding the fake geology report in his hand. “What’s this DDMC Surveyors? Is that the guy you know in Atlanta?”

“Sorta,” MaryAnne replied. “DD is Daisy Duke, MC is MaryAnne Coltrane.” She grinned. The Dukes laughed and everyone migrated out of the office, chatting and joking.

Rosco, however, stayed behind.

Boss looked at him. The Sheriff held his hand out, palm up.

“AAH! Rosco, are you turnin’ on me at a time like this?!”

“I helped ya to keep get them company holdin’s back, and keep your job as commissioner!”

“Yeah? Well to keep your job as Sheriff you best be gettin’ out on patrol and collectin’ them speed trap fines! Cuz I ain’t payin’ you nothin’!”

“Jit!” Rosco pulled his hand away. “I’m gone....”

Well, Rosco didn’t collect any fines...but he did nab somebody in the Celebrity Speed Trap....Mr. Dwight Yoakam.

The clean and refurbished Boar’s Nest was packed to the doors for the free Dwight Yoakam performance. Boss, however, put the beer on special....at a buck and a half.

Dwight stood in front of Boss’s office door, the traditional spot for most of the celebrity speed trap victims, with his band. He wore what had to be the tightest pair of ripped and faded blue jeans ever seen, a denim western shirt, boots and tan colored
Stetson hat pulled so far down it nearly covered his eyes and gave him a signature look. He turned to the band and they launched into “Guitars and Cadillacs.”

Girl, you taught me how to hurt real bad and cry myself to sleep...showed me how this town can shatter dreams... Another lesson about a naive fool, who came to Babylon, found out that the pie don’t taste so sweet...

Now it’s guitars, Cadillacs, hillbilly music, lonely lonely streets that I call home...”

Everybody in the Boar’s Nest clapped to the beat or danced to the song. Even Rosco and Boss, standing off to the side, boogied to the honky tonk tune. When the song ended, the room filled with loud applause and cheering. The Duke family, Cooter and the three deputies of the Sheriff’s department all went up to Dwight and offered accolades and shook his hand.

“It was really great for you to stop here in Hazzard,” MaryAnne said. “I got yer first record. I really like that song.”

“Well, you can thank the Sheriff,” Dwight replied and pointed to Rosco.

“What? Oh no, no no no....” MaryAnne looked at Rosco, disapproving.

“They were doin’ 57 in a 55 zone,” Rosco stated, matter-of-factly.

“That’s right,” Boss said. “But because they played so well, I’m gonna tear up this here ticket.” He held the ticket up and tore it in half with a smile.

Dwight looked at the ticket. “Hoyt Axton was right about you. You’re quite the varlett, Boss.”

“Heh heh, thank ya,” Boss replied.

Dwight exchanged an amused glance with those gathered around and then made his departure with his band.

I guess ol’ Boss ain’t figured out what a varlett is....and I ain’t gonna tell him...

 

~End~

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