This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any actual resemblance to persons or historical persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
The Dukes of Hazzard characters, settings, locales, ect. are owned by other entities who have not endorsed this fic nor have they given express permission for the character's use. Author makes not claims to these characters and is not making any profit from their use.
All original characters are the property of the author.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the author or any legally assigned agents of the author.
© Copyright: 1996-2004. Lisa Philbrick
The Dukes of Hazzard
Author's Note: I always wondered why Boss Hogg, having put Daisy
and Luke under hypnosis, and taking advantage of Bo while he had amnesia,
never put Rosco under hypnosis. This story provides at least one answer.
In Hazzard County, the day wouldn't be complete without the General Lee being chased by one of Hazzard's finest.
The General Lee, with Luke Duke at the wheel, sped over the dusty road while being chased by Deputy Enos Strate.
Of course, of the entire Hazzard County Sheriff's Department, Deputy Enos Strate is the only one the Dukes can trust and rely on in an emergency. But Enos's duty to the law, even Boss Hogg's laws, means that even once in awhile the General Lee had to be chased be Enos. Wouldn't be Hazzard County if he didn't.
"What do you suppose Enos wants?" Bo asked.
"Probably wants to give me a ticket for hitting 56 for about five seconds a couple of miles back," Luke said. "Thing is, we can't afford no more citations."
"Well," Bo said. "You know what to do."
"That I do," Luke said and pushed down on the accelerator.
"Hey," Enos said when he realized the General Lee wasn't slowing down, "them boys ain't slowin' down." He picked up his CB mike. "Come on fellas, slow down now, don't make me tell Uncle Jesse on y'all."
"Sorry, Enos," Bo replied, "but the Hazzard County Sheriff's Department has no place on our financial planner for the day."
As the General sped up, Enos fell further behind. Luke steered the General off the road and cut through some bushes and came out to another road. Barreling towards the Dukes was a brown sedan.
"Hey," the passenger in the brown sedan said, "isn't that them Duke boys we're suppose to set up?"
"Yes, it is, and now is as good a time as any," the driver replied and aimed the sedan at the General.
"Luke, look out!" Bo exclaimed.
Luke turned the steering wheel hard to the left and the General skidded off the road and crunched it's left front fender into a tree.
"Oh, man," Bo said when the car settled. "You okay?"
"Yeah," Luke replied. "Can't say the same for the General though."
Meanwhile, the brown sedan returned to where the General had gone off the road and the two men got out of their car.
Friends and neighbors, I do believe trouble has found the Dukes. And we just got started!
"You fellas all right?" the driver asked in rehearsed concern. "Holy mackerel we're really sorry."
"Couldn't decide which side of the road ya wanted could ya?" Bo said disgustedly as he climbed out of the window.
"I'm sorry. My friend here was trying to show me something on the map and I just took my eyes of the road for a second. When I looked up you were there. We're really sorry."
While the man had spoke, Luke had climbed out of the General and joined Bo and the two men. "I suppose some of it's our fault too," he said, "driving out of the bushes like that."
"We're sorry about your car too. An old Charger like that. Looks like you boys take good care of it. Here," he said and dug into his back pocket. He flipped open a bill fold. "Take this to repair your car and we'll forget the whole thing." He handed the boys three one-hundred dollar bills.
The boys were bug-eyed at the sight of the large bills.
"Well hey, thanks a lot, but-" Luke started to lightly protest.
"And here's a twenty in case you gotta pay for a tow truck. Please, take it, it'll be easier then going through insurance claimsandpolice reports."
"Well," Luke said. "Alright. Thank you kindly. That's right neighborly of ya." He took the money.
"You're welcome. Now my friend and I have to go but you boys take care of yourselves now ya here?"
"We will. And we owe you one," Luke said.
The boys watched the two men return to their car and drive away.
"Can you believe that?" Bo said looking at the $320 Luke had in his hand. "How much do you think Cooter's going to charge for fixin' that fender?"
"Probably $300 and a $20 towing charge," Luke replied when he heard another car approaching. He looked up to see the white patrol car. "Unless Enos slaps a $20 speedin' ticket on us."
"Oh great," Bo muttered as Enos pulled over.
"You boys ought not to have run off like that," Enos said as he got out of the car. "I'm gonna have to give you a ticket." He looked at the General. "What happened to the General Lee?"
"Coupla guys ran us off the road," Luke explained. "How much is the ticket Enos?"
"Twenty dollars. I'm real sorry, fellas."
"It's all right, Enos." Luke held out the twenty dollar bill. "Write up the ticket and we'll pay it right here."
Enos began to fill out the ticket.
Meanwhile, at the Boar's Nest, them two fellas that sucker-punched the General were talkin’ to Boss. Trouble has indeed arrived for the Dukes.
"Alright," Boss said. He was seated at the table in his office with Rosco standing just behind him. "You boys had no trouble slippin' those counterfeit bills to the Duke boys?"
"No trouble at all," Frank, the driver, said seated across from Boss.
"Good," Boss said with a satisfied laugh. "Now, Rosco, hand me that box there."
Boss pointed to a cardboard box on the floor by the pool table. Rosco picked it up and placed it on the table in front of Boss. Boss opened the box.
"Ooo, look at all them goodies," Rosco said.
"Yeah," Boss said. "Now, you boys know what to do with this don'chya?"
"Plant it in the Duke barn," Frank said.
"Right. Now there's some bills, some paper, a couple of bottles of ink and a set of them plates you boys swiped. After Rosco here arrests them counterfeitin' Dukes, and 'confiscates the evidence,' we'll be right back to printin' with these plates." Boss closed the box. "Alright, now you boys get goin' and make sure nobody sees you when you put this stuff in their barn."
Frank nodded and picked up the box. He and his partner left out the back door.
Rosco let out a trademark snicker. "I'm tellin' ya, Boss, this time you've really outdone yourself. It amazes me how all these brilliant idears come out of that fat little head of yours."
"Yeah, heh heh."
"When do I get to arrest them counterfeitin' Dukes and confiscate all that evidence?"
"Soon, Rosco, soon. But first, I have to give you a briefin'," Boss said and got up. He went to the door that led to the bar room.
"Ooo a briefin'. I love briefin's, discussin' all the fine details of a great plan." He giggled. "I love it!"
While Rosco was talking, Boss had called somebody in from the bar room. The individual entered Boss's office and sat down at the table.
"Rosco, you remember the Professor don't ya?" Boss asked.
"Oh yeah," Rosco replied, "he does all that hypnotist stuff. Who ya gonna have hypnotized this time, Boss?"
"Doh! Me?! What for?"
"To be honest, Rosco, it's so you don't fumble this up."
"Now sit here in my barber chair so the Professor can do his thing," Boss said.
Rosco sat in the chair as the Professor dug out a time piece.
Now y'all payin' attention? 'Cuz while Boss was having Rosco put under hypnosis, them two badies were plantin' that evidence in the Duke barn and the boys were passin' that phony twenty dollar bill to Enos. For once, the boys could pay a speedin' ticket and the money's phony. And if gettin' in trouble for passin' that phony twenty isn't bad enough, imagine how they're gonna feel when they realize that 300 is no good neither.
Enos ripped the ticket from the book and handed it to Luke who handed Enos the twenty dollar bill.
"Won't Boss be surprised we paid for this ticket," Bo said.
"Yeah," Luke said as he ripped up the ticket.
"I'm sorry I had to give y'all a ticket," Enos said.
"It's alright, Enos, don't worry about it. We'll see ya later alright?" Luke said.
"Okay," Enos said and got into his patrol car. "Say hello to Uncle Jesse and Daisy for me."
"We will," Bo said.
Enos waved as he drove off.
"Well, let's get Cooter on the CB and get him out here with his tow truck," Luke said.
"You got it," Bo replied.
Meanwhile, at the Duke farm, the two bad guys were finishing up with planting the evidence.
With Jesse out doin' the back forty, them two fellas had no trouble planting that evidence.
"Is that everything?" Joe asked.
"Yeah, that's it," Frank said. "Let's get out of here."
They went to their sedan and drove away.
At the Boar's Nest, Boss and the professor were giving Rosco a post-hypnotic suggestion.
"Well, I've told him everything you wanted me to, J.D. Is there anything else?"
Boss thought for a moment. "No," he said, "that should be it."
"Now remember, J.D. even though he's still Rosco, he's going to be a very different Rosco. We need two words or phrases that are similar yet different to use for each one, and preferably something that won't come up in everyday conversation. If the
post-hypnotic suggestion should be cancelled before the trial, he won't remember anything that happened."
"Yeah, that would ruin everything."
"But we should still come up with something that will cancel the suggestion. He can't stay in the hypnotic state forever."
"He can't? Oh, that's too bad."
"Alright, alright. Two words or phrases? Let's see, how about..." Boss thought for a moment. "Ah, I've got it. 'MaryAnne's white Firebird' for the real Rosco and 'MaryAnne's black Firebird' for the other Rosco. Those'll never come up 'cuz her car's
"Okay. Rosco, when you hear the phrase 'MaryAnne's white Firebird' you will be Rosco P. Coltrane. When you hear the phrase 'MaryAnne's black Firebird' you will be Rosco Pervis Coltrane. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Rosco droned.
"Alright, J.D. you wanna try it?"
"Okay. Rosco, I want you to open your eyes."
Rosco did and looked ahead in a blank stare.
"Alright, J.D. go ahead."
Boss nodded. "My," he said, "not many cars like MaryAnne's white Firebird."
Rosco's eyes focused and he blinked. He looked at the Professor then at Boss.
"Oh," he said, "are we done, Boss?"
"Not yet," Boss said. "You have to be careful of MaryAnne's black Firebird."
Rosco's eyes returned to a blank stare and then he came out of it.
He looked at Boss and the professor again. He then looked around the office.
"Boss, you mind tellin' me what the hell I'm doin' here?" he spat.
The Professor snapped his fingers and Rosco went back to his blank stare.
"Oh my," Boss said, "you weren't kiddin' when you said he was gonna be different."
"Rosco, you can close your eyes now." He did.
"Now we need one more phrase to cancel the suggestion all together."
Boss thought for a moment. "I've got it," he said, "MaryAnne's red Firebird."
The professor nodded. "Rosco, when you hear the phrase 'MaryAnne's red Firebird' you will awaken from the hypnotic state and you will return to being yourself and will no longer respond to the two previous phrases. Do you understand?"
"Okay. When I snap my fingers you will wake up as Rosco Pervis Coltrane and you will remember nothing that has taken place here except what I told you to remember." The Professor held his hand up and snapped his fingers.
Rosco opened his eyes. They were the same old blue they'd always been but something was missing. And whatever it was, it had been replaced by something not very nice.
You know, I have a feelin' we ain't gonna like this Rosco.
"Alright, Rosco," Boss said, "Come on, we have important business to tend to in town."
Rosco got up from the barber chair without a word while the professor left out the back door. He followed Boss out of the office and into the barroom.
MaryAnne was collecting some beer mugs when Boss and Rosco came out of the office. She watched as they walked out of the Boar's Nest. Rosco didn't even look at her.
Now MaryAnne can all ready tell somethin's different about Rosco by the fact he didn't say anythin' let alone look at her as he left. Which he always did. When Boss and Rosco got to town they learned of the boys payin' their ticket and that they paid with that phony twenty.
"They paid their ticket?" Boss said after Enos told them. The three of them stood in the middle of the booking room. "Well, where's the money?"
"Right here," Enos said. He pulled the twenty from his shirt pocket.
"Let's see that," Boss said, taking the twenty from Enos. He poked his cigar in his mouth and studied the bill gripping it with both hands. Suddenly, his eyes went wide in mock surprise.
"Enos," he said, " them boys gave you a counterfeit bill."
"What?!" Enos squeaked. "Are you sure?" He took the bill back from Boss. "Possumonagumbush, it is a fake," he said.
"Enos," Rosco said, "you spent a year with the LAPD, don't ya recognize a counterfeit bill when you see one?"
"Well, shoot, Sheriff, I know this is a fake but I can't believe them Duke boys would be passin' phony money. And to a law enforcement officer!"
"Well they did," Boss said glancing at Rosco, "and they may try to do it again."
Meanwhile, across the street, the boys and Cooter were pulling into Cooter's garage with the General Lee in tow behind Cooter's truck.
"Yeah, them fellers that ran ya off the road sound like the kind of guys you wouldn't mind havin' hit ya again," Cooter said as he and the boys climbed out of the truck.
"Yeah," Bo agreed. "Hey, how much you think it's gonna cost to have that fender fixed?"
"Well, it won't cost over three hundred dollars, but I'm not sure if it'll cost any less neither. If it should be less, before y'all wonder what you're gonna spend the rest on, remember you still owe me for previous parts and service," Cooter said.
The boys snickered.
Back at the courthouse, Boss and Rosco were watching the boys from Boss's office window.
"Them boys will probably try to pay Cooter with those phony hundred dollar bills to fix that orange clunker car of theirs," Boss said. "Whey they do, and after they leave, I want you to go over there and find out if they paid with the counterfeit money. That and the twenty they gave to Enos will be enough probable cause to get these here search and arrest warrants, which I already signed. Then I'll finally have them Duke boys put away for a very, very long time," he finished with a satisfied chuckle.
* * *
After the boys left, Rosco and Enos marched over to Cooter's garage.
"Don't tell me," Cooter said, "I've got more fenders to fix."
"No," Rosco said. "I want to know if them boys have paid you anythin' yet for fixin' the General Lee."
"Like a down payment? As a matter of fact they did."
"Can I see the money they paid you with?" Rosco asked.
"The actual money?"
Cooter looked at Enos who nodded encouragingly yet apologetically.
"Alright," Cooter said. He turned to his desk and opened the bottom left hand drawer, and removed a metal strong box. He opened the box and took out the crisp one-hundred dollar bill.
"There ya are," Cooter said. "One-hundred dollars. Them boys got that from a coupla fellas who ran them off the road this morning."
"That has to be where they got it, Sheriff," Enos said. "They told me about being run off the road too."
"Enos, did you see the fellas that ran them off the road?" Rosco asked.
"Well, no sir."
"Did them Duke boys tell you they got that twenty dollar bill from two fellas that ran them off the road at the time they paid you?"
"Uh, no sir."
"Then it's probably just an excuse to cover up the fact that they're printin' it themselves."
"Wait a minute here," Cooter said. "Printin' what themselves?"
"This." Rosco held up the $100 bill. "It ain't worth the paper it's printed on. It's counterfeit. They passed a twenty to Enos this morning to pay for a speedin' ticket. Should have known them payin' for a speedin' ticket at the time it was written was too
good to be true."
"Now hold on here, Rosco," Cooter said defensively. "If them boys say they got this money from somewhere else, then they got it from somewhere else."
Rosco eyed Cooter. "We'll see about that," he said and he turned and headed back toward the police station with Enos in tow.
You know, with Cooter so mad about Rosco tryin' to frame the Dukes I don't think he even noticed that ol' Rosco wasn't quite ol' Rosco. But he did notice a frame up when he heard it and CB'd the Dukes to warn them.
"Breaker one, breaker one, might be crazy but I ain't dumb, Crazy Cooter, any y'all Dukes home on the Hazzard Net? Got an emergency. Come on."
The boys and Uncle Jesse were in the kitchen when Cooter's call came. Bo picked up the CB mike.
"Yeah, Cooter, ya got Bo Duke here. Read ya loud and clear. What's up?"
"Big trouble y'all. You know that twenty dollars you gave to Enos to pay for your speedin' ticket and the hundred you gave me as a down payment for fixin' the General?"
"Yeah. What about 'em?"
"They're counterfeit. Rosco don't believe y'all got it from them two fellers and thinks you're printin' it yourselves. He and Enos are on their way out to your place now."
"Oh great," Bo muttered. "Alright, Cooter, thanks for the warning. We appreciate it."
"Hey, if y'all need any help, you hollar ya hear?"
"We will. That's a big ten-four." Bo put the CB mike down. "Shoot," he said. "Real nice fellas them two were givin' us counterfeit money. How are we gonna convince Rosco that we're not printin' it?"
"Well, the fact that we don't have the equipment to print money with should be convincin' enough," Luke said. "If he comes out here with a search warrant he ain't gonna find nothin’."
"And he's gonna have to believe you two about gettin' that money from those two that ran ya off the road," Jesse said.
"Yeah," Bo agreed. "Of course now we have no money to fix the General and an unpaid speedin' ticket."
"I think that's the least of our worries at the moment," Luke said.
* * *
The boys and Uncle Jesse were outside when Rosco and Enos pulled up. As they approached, Jesse spoke.
"Alright, Rosco, what are you up to now? Them phony dollars these boys passed to Enos and Cooter was an honest mistake and they sure as heck ain't printin' it themselves."
"Well, now ya see, Jesse, that's what this here search warrant's for. If I don't find what's listed here then I'll have no call to arrest your boys," Rosco said.
"Dang right," Jesse said.
"But, if I do find what I'm looking for, y'all better not pull nothin' funny, 'cause I ain't in no mood." Rosco slapped the warrant in Jesse's hand and then headed into the house.
The boys and Jesse paused along with Enos before following Rosco in.
"Is it me or does Rosco seem more...tranquil?" Bo asked.
"I noticed that too," Luke said.
"He's been like that all day," Enos explained. "Ever since he and Mr. Hogg came back from the Boar's Nest."
"Must have been somethin' in the beer," Luke said.
* * *
Rosco went through the house, with help from a reluctant Enos, in about twenty minutes. And it was all for show. He already knew that what he was looking for wasn't in the house. He wiped the smirk off his face before he came back to the kitchen.
"Well," Jesse said, "too bad, Rosco, you didn't find anything. Maybe if ya listened more often you wouldn't have this problem."
"I ain't done yet, Jesse," Rosco said. "You'll notice that warrant also allows me to search the barn."
Jesse pulled the warrant from the bib pocket of his faded overalls and looked at it. "Oh," he said, "so it does."
Rosco walked out of the house with Enos and the Dukes trailing after him. When he got to the barn he went in, followed by Enos, with the Dukes watching from the doorway.
Rosco poked around the hay for a bit and then opened one of the crates. He paused at what he found and then looked at the Dukes.
"Not printin' huh? Then I suppose you just have these bottles of ink and paper on hand for the fun of it." He lifted the green bottles and paper out of the crate for the Dukes to see.
"What?!" Bo exclaimed in shock as he, Luke and Uncle Jesse approached for a closer look.
"We ain't never seen that stuff before," Luke said. "Somebody planted it there."
"Hey, Sheriff?" Enos called from the other side of the barn. "I found something. You better come take a look."
Rosco and the Dukes went over to where Enos was standing. On the ground, partially covered with hay, were several dollars in large denomination and a set of printing plates.
Rosco placed the paper and bottles he had in his hands on the bale of hay next to him and bent down to pick up the plates.
"Let me guess. You have these just for the fun of it too," he said.
Bo started to protest. "Rosco, we--"
"Hush. I don't want to hear it. Enos, read 'em their rights."
"Gee fellas, I'm real sorry," Enos said.
"That's alright, Enos," Luke said. "We're real sorry too," and he pushed the bale of hay against Rosco and the bottles of ink went crashing to the floor.
While Rosco was trying to find his way out from under the bale of hay, the boys had made a run for the loaner car Cooter had given them while he was fixing the General. The car slowly threw dirt and gravel as the boys tore out of the yard. Rosco threw the bale off him and ran out of the barn in time to be showered in dirt. As he ran to his patrol car he yelled for Enos to collect what was left of the evidence.
"And as for you, Jesse, you better hope I don't decide to use them boys for target practice when I catch 'em!"
As the patrol car screamed out of the yard, Jesse turned to Enos in shock. "What has gotten in to him?!" he exclaimed.
The boys, meanwhile, were punishing the sedan in their escape.
"So," Bo spat, "he wasn't gonna find anythin' huh?"
"What, you think I knew that was in there? Somebody's settin' us up."
"Do I have to bother with my guess of who it could be?"
"We've gotta find those two guys in that brown sedan," Luke said.
"And how do we do that when we don't have the General and we've got law enforcement's answer to Dopey on our tail?"
"If we can lose Rosco long enough we can CB Cooter and see if he can have the General in running condition quick."
"If we can lose Rosco in this thing," Bo said. He checked his mirrors and saw Rosco was catching up quick. "He's on us like a flea to a hound dog."
"Go 'cross country. That should shake him off," Luke suggested.
"Alright," Bo said and steered the sedan off the road and through a field. Rosco followed without missing a beat.
Bo swung the sedan in several different directions figuring Rosco would fall behind. He didn't. He stayed right with Bo.
"Shepherd to Lost Sheep, Shepherd to Lost Sheep. You boys all right?"
Luke picked up the mike. "No worse than usual. We've got Rosco practically in the trunk."
"You boys better be careful. I don't know what the heck's gotten into him but he told me before he took off that I better hope he doesn't use you boys for target practice if he catches you."
The boys looked at each other in horror. That certainly wasn't something Rosco would say.
"And he sounded serious too," Jesse continued. "So if he catches you, don't make him mad."
"We won't, Uncle Jesse," Luke said. "We're gone."
The boys were soon heading toward the dry creek bed and Bo aimed the sedan straight for it. The sedan hit an incline and became airborne, clearing the creek but not as gracefully as the General Lee would have. The boys landed safely on the other side as Rosco made the jump. He cleared the creek bed and landed relatively professionally on the other side.
Bo had lost some acceleration upon landing and Rosco was able to take advantage of that by over powering the sedan and cutting in front of the boys, bringing everything to a stop.
Rosco got out of his patrol car and aimed his gun at the boys over the roof of the car.
"Alright," he said cooly, "out of the car. Nice and slowly."
The boys looked at Rosco in shock.
You know, I have a feeling if Rosco shoots that thing, I don't think he's gonna miss.
The boys obliged and slowly and carefully got out of the car.
"Now, get in back," Rosco said, waving the gun toward the back of the patrol car.
"Alright," Luke said easily. "Just take it easy with that thing."
"I ain't worried about it going off," Rosco replied evenly.
Bo and Luke exchanged glances of concern and then got in to the patrol car.
* * *
From the garage, Cooter watched as Rosco pulled up with Bo and Luke in the back of the patrol car.
He watched as the boys were cuffed by Rosco and then led into the police station. He went to his CB and picked up the mike.
Ol' Cooter CB'd Uncle Jesse to tell him the boys had been arrested.
Jesse told Cooter he was headin' to town and asked him to call Daisy at the Boar's Nest.
"Will do, Uncle Shepherd. I'm gone."
* * *
The pay phone at the Boar's Nest rang twice before MaryAnne picked it up.
"Boar's Nest, MaryAnne speaking...hey Cooter what's up?"
"Nothing good. Is Daisy there?"
"Yeah, but she's in the store room. Hold on a minute, I'll get her."
"No, wait, just tell her that Rosco has arrested the boys for counterfeitin'."
So Cooter explained to MaryAnne about the boys accident and the phony money they gave to Enos and him.
"Jumpin' Geehosafat," MaryAnne said, borrowing one of Rosco's trademark lines. "Rosco wouldn't believe his own nose was on his face if he didn't see it in the mirror everyday. Ok, I'll let Daisy know, Cooter, thanks a lot. We'll be in town as soon as we can." MaryAnne hung up the phone and then went to find Daisy.
* * *
Boss was relishing his victory in his courthouse office after Rosco reported on his capturing the Dukes.
"Ho ho, Rosco this couldn't have worked out better," Boss was saying to Rosco who was standing in front of Boss's desk. "With them boys passin' that phony money to Cooter and to Enos and all that evidence, there isn't a circuit judge in this state that won't convict."
"And not just on the counterfeitin' charge," Rosco said. "We've got all them other changes too. Don't that just wreck their probation."
"Yeah," Boss said with an amused laugh. "And of course you'll get your regular cut and maybe a little more for doin' such a fine job."
"Which would be?"
"Uh," Boss fudged a bit. "Fifty percent of fifty percent of fifty percent."
Rosco raised an eyebrow. "Twelve and a half?"
"Uh," Boss fudged again. "Oh, is that what that equals? I meant fifty percent of fifty percent."
"Don't you mean fifty percent across the board?"
"Oh. Yeah. Of course. Fifty-fifty," Boss said in stiff pleasantness. "Alright, alright, never mind that. Listen, I want you to get out to the barn and see how them fellas are doin'."
"Alright. Do you want me to take those plates out there?"
"No, not yet. We're gonna need those for the evidence against the Dukes."
Rosco nodded and put his hat on. He walked out of Boss's office as Daisy and MaryAnne came charging into the booking room.
"Rosco, you've got a lot of gall to trump up a charge like counterfeitin' against my cousins," Daisy declared.
"It's not trumped up," Rosco replied. "The evidence was strewn all over the barn. Them boys messed up when they passed that phony twenty dollar bill to Enos."
"Evidence my foot," MaryAnne spat. "If them boys knew it was fake they wouldn't have tried to pass it to Enos. Come on, Rosco, you have better sense than that."
"Well, it's too bad them boys didn't have enough sense to not give counterfeit money to a law enforcement officer," Rosco said and brushed passed Daisy and MaryAnne.
"Oh, come on, Rosco, them boys are being framed and you know it. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you're the one doing the framing!" MaryAnne said as Rosco walked out of the booking room. He didn't respond to her searing accusation.
"What has gotten in to him? Was that even Rosco I was talking to?" MaryAnne said.
"He was like that when he came out to the farm," Luke said from the holding cell. "His driving all of a sudden improved too. Of course, we didn't have the General so that may have been a part of it."
"He's not himself at all. When he left the Boar's Nest this morning he didn't even acknowledge me," MaryAnne said. She went to the window in time to see Rosco drive away. "I blew it off at the time but, man I don't know. I'd follow him but I don't have a car."
"Yes, you do," Daisy said. "Take Dixie, the keys are in it."
"You're gonna let me take Dixie?"
"You may be right, MaryAnne. Rosco's weird behavior may have something to do with us being in here," Luke said.
"Yeah," MaryAnne said. "Alright, I'll see what I can find out. Thanks, Daisy." She quickly left the booking room and scurried out of the courthouse to Daisy's Jeep.
She drove off as Uncle Jesse pulled up.
"Wonder where she's goin'?" Jesse said as he got out of the pick up. He then shrugged it off and headed into the court house.
After Boss tried to trick Rosco out of a straight 50-50 split, Rosco started gettin' his own ideas and was plannin' to double cross Boss. And poor MaryAnne is about to get caught in the crossfire.
After taking a couple of shortcuts, MaryAnne finally caught up to Rosco. She turned Dixie's CB to the police channel and picked up the mike.
"Rosco, this is MaryAnne, I'm right behind ya. Pull over, we've gotta talk."
Rosco looked at the Jeep, that was about four car lengths behind, in his rearview mirror. He picked up the CB mike. "We already talked, MaryAnne. Them boys are guilty of counterfeitin'. In fact, not only are they guilty of counterfeitin', they're guilty of resistin' arrest, assaultin' an officer and destruction of evidence."
"Baloney! Man, you gotta lot gall to add all those other charges. But that's not what I wanna talk to you about. I wanna talk about your attitude. You ain't yourself."
"I feel like myself."
"Rosco, come on, pull over, I'm worried about you."
"MaryAnne, you have nothin' to worry about. I'm fine. Now go back to town and let me do my work."
"No way. You ain't been the same since you left the Boar's Nest this morning. Now I want to know what's goin' on."
Rosco looked at the Jeep in his rearview mirror. "That cousin of my is turnin' out to be more trouble then she's worth," he muttered. He pushed the talk button. "Alright, MaryAnne," he said. "I'll pull over." He then jerked the steering wheel hard to the left and turned the patrol car completely around in the direction of the Jeep. As he accelerated, he withdrew his gun and aimed out the window at the Jeep.
"Rosco!" MaryAnne yelled when she realized what he was going to do. Rosco fired and the Jeep swerved as the left front tire blew out. MaryAnne gripped the steering wheel as the Jeep skidded off the road and into a ditch. Rosco continued on down the road.
MaryAnne was still gripping the steering wheel after the Jeep had settled. The knuckles on her slim fingers were white, about the same as her face. "Good Lord," she whispered. "I can't believe he did that."
After a moment she peeled her fingers off the steering wheel and climbed out of the Jeep. She paused a moment by the Jeep, her legs about ready to give out from under her, her heat pounding wildly. She looked up the road in the direction Rosco went but didn't see the white patrol car and hoped she wouldn't.
She then looked at the Jeep.
"Oh, Dixie," she sighed, "I shouldn't have gotten you into this. Can't change that tire either." She leaned in to change the CB channel and then picked up the mike.
"Songbird to Crazy C. You gotcha ears on? Come back."
"Hear ya singin’ loud and strong, Songbird. What's goin' on?"
"Well, I'm out here on Mill Pond Road and I've got Daisy's Jeep, and I've got a flat tire. Now I know how to change a flat but it's kind of hard to do when the vehicle's in a ditch. Can you come out and help?"
"That's a big ten-four. But what the heck happened?"
"I'll explain when you get here. Let me just say I think a second civil war is about to begin."
"Hmm. Well, you just sit tight, MaryAnne, I'm on my way."
"Okay, Cooter, thanks a lot." She put the CB mike back on the radio.
After a while of hearing the birds chirp and the wind blow, MaryAnne heard a car approaching. She turned and saw the white patrol car.
The car slowed down in front of her and MaryAnne saw Rosco pointing his gun through the open passenger window at her.
Shoot, and I'd thought he'd gone back to make sure she was all right.
MaryAnne stared at her cousin in horror. His blue eyes looked like those of a complete stranger.
"Rosco," she pleaded.
"I don't wanna hurt ya," he said. "But you're turnin' out to be more trouble than I want to deal with. Get in."
MaryAnne got into the patrol car and Rosco drove off in the direction he had originally been going.
After a few minutes, Cooter arrived where the Jeep had gone off the road. He pulled his truck to side of the road and got out.
"MaryAnne?" he called, looking around. He went to the Jeep and looked over the flat tire. He looked around again, calling MaryAnne's name. He then looked down and saw foot prints and fresh tire tracks.
Cooter returned to his truck and grabbed the CB mike.
"Breaker one, breaker one might be crazy but I ain't dumb, Crazy Cooter, any Dukes home on the Hazzard Net? Come on."
Cooter received no response and repeated his call several times still not getting a response. He tossed the CB mike on the seat and went to work to get the Jeep out of the ditch and changing the tire.
* * *
Rosco pulled into the yard of an old barn and cut the engine.
"What's here?" MaryAnne asked.
"Just hush and get out," he said and opened the driver door. MaryAnne got out of the car and joined Rosco on the other side of the patrol car. He escorted her into the barn.
When they got inside, MaryAnne saw two men standing by a printing press and several stacks of counterfeit money on the table and on the floor.
"It is a frame up!" she exclaimed. "You and Boss are framin' them nice Duke boys. Man, I can't believe I'm related to you!"
"Shut up," Rosco spat and grabbed a piece of rope off a nearby table. He then grabbed her arm and pulled her hand behind her.
"Ow, Rosco," she said when he pulled the other arm. When he finished tying her hands he made her sit on the floor.
"Who's that?" Frank asked.
"My nosy cousin. But that's not our problem right now. Hogg tried to cheat me out of a fair cut which means he'll probably cheat you guys too."
"Ha," MaryAnne chuckled. "Boss had been cheatin' you for over 25 years and you're now gonna do somethin' about it?"
Rosco ignored her. "The other plates are in the evidence lock up in town. I can get those plates out here and then we can move this operation out of the county and all take a fair cut."
"What about her?" Frank gestured to MaryAnne.
"We'll leave her here. Somebody'll find her."
"What about them Duke boys?"
"Who cares? If the counterfeitin' charge don't stick the others will, which will revoke their probation and they'll end up goin' to jail for a long time."
"What about Hogg?" Joe asked
Rosco paused with gleam in his eye. "Well, like she said, he's been cheatin' me for over 25 years, now I get my revenge."
* * *
After changing the flat tire on Dixie, Cooter hooked the Jeep up to his truck and returned to town.
When he came into the booking room he found Uncle Jesse, Daisy and Enos talking with the boys.
Cooter told the Dukes and Enos about MaryAnne callin' on the CB about the flat tire and that when he got there she wasn't there. Daisy told Cooter how she let MaryAnne take Dixie to follow Rosco because MaryAnne was concerned about his strange behavior.
"Maybe Rosco picked her up?" Bo suggested.
"Yeah, but we heard their conversation over the radio and the last thing Rosco said was that he was gonna pull over," Luke said. "If they pulled over how'd the Jeep get a flat?"
"And end up in the ditch like she was," Cooter added. "It sure as heck didn't go in willingly."
"Maybe it blew out just before she pulled over," Daisy said.
"Maybe Rosco shot it out," Luke said.
"Oh come on," Bo said, "Rosco wouldn't shoot at his own cousin."
"No, but maybe he didn't want her following him to where he was goin'," Luke said.
"Where would that be?" Bo asked.
"I don't know. Boss always seems to have a coupla guys workin' out of an old barn he foreclosed on. Maybe Rosco was checkin' on production."
"Gee Luke, you think there's two guys in a barn somewhere printin' counterfeit money?"
"And working for Boss Hogg? Yeah, you'd think we'd know better by now. I don't think them two guys just randomly picked us to frame."
"Shoot, I knew y'all weren't printin' no funny money," Enos said. "But I don't think Mr. Hogg would be tryin' to frame y'all."
"Enos," Bo said, "he's done it before, he's most likely doin' it now, and he's sure as heck gonna do it again. What doesn't fit into all of this is why Rosco's acting so weird."
"And what happened to MaryAnne," Daisy said. "I've got a feelin' she's in trouble."
"And we ain't doin' her or ourselves any good by standin' around here," Luke said. "Cooter, is the General in runnin' condition?"
"Yeah, he's driveable but he ain't got a left front fender. I haven't had a chance to do the body work yet."
"And what about Dixie?" Luke asked.
"Yep, she's ready to go."
"Alright." Luke looked at Enos. "Enos, you've gotta let us out of here. You know we're innocent."
"I know y'all are innocent but I can't just let ya out."
"Well, what about bail?" Bo asked.
"Mr. Hogg denied y'alls bail because of the seriousness of the charges."
"Well, looks like you're gonna have to add another charge to the list, Enos," Luke said. "Escape."
"Now y'all ain't gonna try to break out of jail are ya?"
"Enos, either you let us out, or we'll let ourselves out," Bo said. "MaryAnne could be in trouble. You don't want nothin' to happen to her do ya?"
"Shoot, no. I wouldn’t want nothin’ to happen to MaryAnne.”
"Well, then it's settled," Bo said. "Open the door."
Enos looked at everyone for a moment and then took the keys off his belt and unlocked the door, while everyone cheered.
"Alright," Luke said after he and Bo stepped out of the cell. "Now, Cooter, where'd you find the Jeep?"
"Out on Mill Pond Road, about half a mile past the Chickasaw junction."
"Great," Bo muttered. "You know how many back roads there are out that way?"
"A lot. We're gonna have to split up," Luke said. "There's a lot of old barns too. We should check those. Boss could have a counterfeitin' operation set up any where."
"Well let's get goin'!" Bo exclaimed. Everyone filed out of the booking room and jogged out of the courthouse.
"And keep close on the CB," Luke called to everyone as they dispersed for their respective vehicles. "Channel seventeen."
The boys went to Cooter's to get the General, who without his left front fender, resembled what Rosco's patrol car sometimes looked like.
"Now I know how Rosco feels," Bo said.
* * *
On the other side of Hazzard Square, Rosco watched as everyone drove off.
Just as Rosco had come into town to get the plates, everyone had driven off to find MaryAnne, which Rosco figured. After he got the plates, Rosco went over to the impound yard and got another car which he towed behind his patrol car to one of the back roads near Mill Pond Road before anyone else got out there. He left the
patrol car on the side of the road for everyone to find and took the other car back to the hideout.
"Okay, I've got the plates," Rosco announced as he came in. "We've gotta move fast, half the town's out looking for her."
"Hey, that's your fault," MaryAnne said. "You should have left me with the Jeep."
Rosco only acknowledged her with a glance. "I left my patrol car off a road near where I found her. That should throw them off long enough to buy us some time to pack up and get out of here, so let's get movin'."
While Rosco, Frank and Joe were quickly packing things up, MaryAnne had quietly broken out of the ropes.
After everything had been cleared out, Rosco came back in one more time.
"Well," MaryAnne said, "I hope you have fun. Maybe Lulu and I will visit you on Sundays when you get to the state pen. Are you sure this is how you wanna end a 35-year law enforcement career?"
"MaryAnne, sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."
"Really? Does that include forcin' kinfolk off the road and pointin' a gun at them?"
"I'm sorry," he said. "But I told you to go back to town."
"Oh, sure blame me. It's all my fault. I get tied up and scuffed by my own cousin, who is part of the very little I have left for family, just because I was worried about him. This is the thanks I get? Fine, Rosco, you go ahead and do what you gotta do. Been nice knowin' ya." She looked away, more or less to hide the dew that had started to settle in her eyes.
Rosco took a step toward her saying, "Do you want me to loosen the ropes?"
"No, I don't want you to loosen the ropes," she spat.
Rosco stopped and looked at her for a moment. He then turned and quietly left the barn.
"I already have and don't think I ain't gonna try and stop ya," MaryAnne said softly and freed her hands from the loose ropes. She blinked away the tears and got up.
* * *
When the Dukes, Cooter and Enos got to Mill Pond Road, everyone split up.
Daisy found the patrol car.
"Lost Sheep, Lost Sheep it's Bo Peep. I'm over here near Highridge Trail, and I've found Rosco's patrol car."
"Any sign of Rosco or MaryAnne?" Luke asked.
"No. To be honest it looks like he dumped it here."
"What would he do that for?" Bo asked.
"I don't know but I'm starting to get one of my gut feelings," Luke said.
"Yeah, I know what you mean," Bo said.
Luke pushed the talk button. "Daisy, are there any barns near there that you can see?"
"Yes, there's one up the hill. I was gonna check it out."
"Okay, be careful and let us know what you find."
"I will. I'm gone."
* * *
MaryAnne had removed her high heeled sandals and stood watching from the backside of the barn as Rosco saw the other two men off. When they left and Rosco got into his car, MaryAnne started running.
Just as he pushed down on the accelerator and the car started to move, MaryAnne jumped on to the trunk of the car.
"What the--" Rosco looked in his rearview mirror."What is that girl doin'?!"
MaryAnne climbed on to the roof and hung on for the ride. Rosco, however, brought the car to stop.
The driver door flew open and Rosco bolted out standing a few feet from the car and pointing his pearl handled pistol at MaryAnne.
"Alright, get off of there," he said.
MaryAnne paused then smiled. "It wasn't supposed to work like that." Carefully, she shifted her position from lying on her stomach to sitting up with her knees bent. She made it look as though she was going to simply leap off the car and instead leapt off and knocked over Rosco.
She grabbed for the gun and they fought for it, keeping it pointed it outward in case it went off. Rosco was trying to push MaryAnne off him and keep the gun out of her reach at the same time. MaryAnne had a firm grip on his arm and was trying to pull it toward her. Although not as big as Rosco, MaryAnne was giving it all she had, scuffling around in the dirt with the last person in the world she ever would have thought of getting into a physical fight with, all for a gun neither would have seriously considered using on the other.
As much as she didn't want to hurt Rosco, MaryAnne had no choice. She curled her fingers of the hand that was gripping his arm so that her fingernails dug into the flesh of his forearm.
"Ow!" he exclaimed, losing his grip on the gun. MaryAnne grabbed the gun with her other hand. She wildly pulled her hand away and ended up knocking Rosco upside the head with the gun.
She gasped. "Oh Rosco!"
He was out cold.
"Oh no," she said. She looked at the gun that was in her hand and then tossed it aside like an unwanted germ infested rag. She then lighlty touched a hand to Rosco's face. "Rosco? Oh, cousin what did I do?"
From the car she heard Daisy's voice over the CB.
"Lost Sheep, they're not here. Nobody's been here in years."
"Okay, Daisy. Let's all keep lookin'," Luke said.
MaryAnne ran to the car and picked up the CB mike. "Daisy! Daisy, it's me, MaryAnne. Listen, I'm near a barn over here by Eastland Corners. Them two guys that are framin' the boys are headin' toward the county line."
"MaryAnne, are you okay?" Daisy asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine, but Rosco ain't and them two guys are gettin' away!"
"Don't worry, MaryAnne, me and Bo are on our way to stop 'em," Luke said. Bo then turned the General around and the boys sped off toward the county line.
"MaryAnne," Daisy said. "You sit tight. I'm on my way to Eastland Corners."
"Enos!" Boss Hogg called from somewhere. "What's goin' on out there? What are them Duke boys doin' out of jail?"
Enos crossed his fingers. "Uh, I don't know, Mr. Hogg," he said and uncrossed his fingers. "But it sounds like they're chasin' the two fellas who gave them that phony money."
"MaryAnne, what are you doin' out by Eastland Corners?" Boss asked.
"Rosco brought me out here."
"Rosco?! That jackass is even dumber under hypnosis."
"What?!" MaryAnne exclaimed. "Hypnosis? You put him under hypnosis? So that's why he's been acting so weird. What'd you put him under hypnosis for?"
"Uh...I'll explain when I get there."
Uh-huh, ol' Boss is gonna have to be real creative trying to explain this.
Daisy arrived to find MaryAnne bent over Rosco who was still out cold on the ground.
"Oh MaryAnne, what happened?" she asked kneeling by MaryAnne.
"I hit him," MaryAnne sobbed. "We were strugglin' for that stupid gun and I accidentally hit him when I got it. Daisy, I think I hit him really hard."
Meanwhile, Bo and Luke were catching up to Frank and Joe.
"Alright, there they are," Luke announced pointing to the brown sedan that was traveling along the road that ran parallel to one the Dukes were on.
"Okay, Bo, why don't we pay 'em back," Luke said.
"You got it," Bo said and kept the General steady as the two roads met.
"Frank, look out!" Joe exclaimed.
Frank swerved to avoid hitting the General and skidded off the road slamming the car into a tree.
Bo brought the General to a stop and the boys went to the brown sedan.
"Oh gee, we're sorry about that," Bo said. "My cousin here was showin' me somethin' on the map and I just didn't see ya there."
* * *
After the boys caught Frank and Joe, they went to the barn in time to hear Boss explain why Rosco had been put under hypnosis.
The boys, Cooter, Enos, Uncle Jesse and Boss all seemed to converge at the same time around where Rosco still lay on the ground.
"What happened to him?" Boss asked.
"I hit him," MaryAnne explained. "I didn't mean it but we were struggling for his gun and I hit him with it when I got it. Do you know how many times he's pointed that dang thing at me?" She glared at Boss. "Why'd you put him under hypnosis?"
"Well, uh, I wanted to see if I could, uh, make him a better law enforcement officer," Boss said.
"Yeah, right. Let me tell you somethin'. You drop all the charges against Bo and Luke here or I'm gonna have to tell my little secret."
"What little secret?" Boss asked.
MaryAnne whispered in Boss's ear about how Rosco was going to double cross him.
"He was?" he said in shock.
"Oh yeah. See, when he brought me out here..." and she whispered the rest. "Let me tell you," she spoke aloud, "I would not have been a happy camper if that had happened. Of course, neither would you. Now are you gonna drop the charges?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah I'll drop the charges, I'll drop the charges."
"Good." MaryAnne looked at Rosco. "Now if only he would come around." She gently stroked his hair and after a few moments he opened his eyes.
"There he is," everyone chorused.
MaryAnne and Daisy helped Rosco to sit up. He looked around at everyone for a moment.
"Rosco?" MaryAnne said. "Y'all right?"
Rosco brought one hand to his throbbing head. He looked down at the gouges on his arm then at MaryAnne. "I don't know," he said. "I feel like I just woke up from a bad dream but I-" He looked at the gouges again, "don't remember anything."
"You're gonna be all right, Rosco," MaryAnne said giving him a hug. "I'm just glad to have you back." She then helped him to his feet.
"Oh. Have I been away?"
"Yep. You've been on quite a trip. Come on, I'll take you to Doc Applebee and I'll explain everything on the way."
Boss did drop the charges against the Dukes and luckily for him, them two badies didn't try to tie Boss into the whole thing when the State Police arrested them. Boss even paid to have the General repaired and dropped the speedin' ticket Enos had issued.
MaryAnne told Rosco all that he had done while under hypnosis and that the gouges in his arm came from her.
"I did what??" Rosco asked. He and MaryAnne were at Doc Applebee's, where Rosco was getting his arm bandaged up.
"You pointed that dang gun at me a few dozen times. I thought for sure you were goin' to shoot it at some point."
"I wouldn't do that."
"No. You wouldn't. But the fella that looked and talked like you today might have."
"MaryAnne, I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Of course I can. But can you forgive me for practically clawing your arm off and whackin' ya in the head?"
Rosco smiled. "That's not your fault. Just remind me to never get into a fight with ya."
MaryAnne giggled and gave Rosco a hug.
Boss had the Professor completely dehypnotize Rosco and despite MaryAnne's forgiveness, Rosco still felt bad about all that he had done. So he offered to do all of MaryAnne's chores at the Boar's Nest for a whole week. He even apologized to Jesse after he found out about the choice words he had spoken about the boys.
And the boys were curious about what MaryAnne's secret had been, but she wouldn't give in.
MaryAnne was sitting with the boys at a table at the Boar's Nest while Rosco was doing all her work when Luke asked what her secret to Boss had been.
"If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret," she said with a smile. It faded almost as quick. "And if the wrong person heard it, Rosco could go to jail. I wouldn't, nor do I think would you, want to see that happen."
Luke's eyebrows fluttered. "No," he said. "I guess we wouldn't."
MaryAnne looked at Rosco in time to see him drop one of the glasses he had been cleaning. She flinched then shook her head. It was the eighth glass in two days.
"Boss would probably have a different feelin' about that though," she said.
Yep, things were back to normal in Hazzard County.